Is it still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it? 1825?
I’ve been dating most of my life and never once had a woman ask to bring a friend and I am a very large man. Also, I feel like 1st dates are implied dutch unless someone offers to pay. I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life. I don’t know how he would even think he’d be paying for the friend too. It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do. If a woman expected that at check time, I would be pretty surprised. Maybe I’m just old, but this whole interaction feels weird.
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
Can i bring a friend too, otherwise it’s an uneven fight.
If you’re pregnant that also counts as two
Just skip that and send only your friends on a date.
I finally feel like I can write “dating” off my bucket list.
Just by subcotracting it.
First dates are Dutch. Hard stop.
Anything else is an escort, and at least double means something with them.
You bring your friend, fine, but you or they pay for their meal and yours.
I’m here to see if we match, not serve as a stopgap in the apts food budget.
Dutch?
Swamp Germans
Means you pay for your own meal. Not sure why it where but probably some racist thing, I assume
More of a cultural thing, I think. From what I’ve gathered from a friend that lives in the Netherlands the dutch are pretty serious about paying for their own meals and getting people to pay for theirs. I even remember seeing a sketch made by some dutch people where one gives a bite of their sandwich to a coworker or something and then they tell the coworker that they’re owed x amount for it.
it’s not about race, but nation. it’s probably xenophobic
Going to eat as a first date is bad anyways. Should do something where you are a not forced to sit in front of each other for a fixed amount of time. Why not go for a walk in a park, take a coffee or other things that are more “open”.
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
Or a serial killer that was only interested in double kills
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
you watch way too much porn
Threesome? If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I’d just have dinner with my parents.
If she’s bringing her friend for safety, there was no shot to begin with
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be crass, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
To be crass, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
If you believed the person was only coming along to heckle you or otherwise be annoying, I can imagine why.
But why go out at all on these terms?
Dude never said friend can’t come, dude just said he’s not covering her bill.
I’m fine with a girl bringing a buddy or backup but don’t make it a third wheel unless your intention from the start is a menage trios.
ménage à trois?
deleted by creator
What?
Literally: a household of three. A thrupple in modern parlance
the last 2 words in the parent comment should have been these 3
Yeah, but I still have no idea what its meant to be
It means a threesome. I think in French it’s technically “household of three”? But it’s meaning has always been threesome.
yeah my keyboard doesn’t have those funni french accents.
that’s excusable, but you also lost “a” and butchered “trois” 😘
Dude showed he’s annoyed seeing girl seeks protection, by calling the friend RoboCop, and implied she might have wanted him to pay for both, putting carriage before horses.
What you say literally can often show what you think inside, and in a first date scenario every sign will be interpreted
For example, not showing much respect for the female need for protection on a first date can mean dude doesn’t think women have reason to feel unsafe
Your read of the situation is pretty tilted, ngl.
He said he’s not paying for her, the implication is they are going out to eat for a date. Not chilling at home or somewhere in private. Bestie can chill somewhere else other than at the table the date is happening at, if homegirl feels threatened or scared of the guy she can signal for bestie.
I can totally understand wanting a trusted friend around to ensure a date goes fine, hell ive done it several times for girls and guys I’m friends with. But that safety net can stay in the background and doesn’t need to be at the table interfering with the date. But never once did I expect the friend I was wingmanning for to buy me food or drink while I hovered in the background. All homegirl had to say is bestie is paying their own way or homegirl was gonna give her some money.
She’s covering her butt, understandably, by bringing a friend, and he’s covering his by stating he’s not paying for the third wheel.
Mh is he not showing he’s annoyed by her friend tagging along? And why bringing money up?
I mean, if it were happening to me, where I live, I wouldn’t even think she was going to expect me to pay not even for herself, and if she ends up expecting or pressuring me, I just know she’s not the one. What’s there to be scared of? Worst case scenario I just leave my part on the table and go away
I know of memes about women going to first fates just to have nights out without paying, but it’s very far from what I see happening where I live, and I suspect it’s just manophase echo chamberism. Because, again, one can just put their part on the table and leave, and perhaps date within one’s social circle so to avoid this kind of social distortion
This play is regarded as a common ploy.
I had a girl do that on our first date. She was feeling insecure because she never dated online before. Once she felt comfortable with me, her friends left.
This is what grinds my gears. At no point (if this is real) did she ask them to pay for the friend. But because of their own misogyny, they’re being an ass. And that’s not even getting into the probability that his is ALL ragebait to play off misogyny for engagement. People getting pissed off making shit up in their head, then making others suffer for it.
Like the guy defenitely comes off as a dick but also if you check out conventional social media you will see guys who talk about being expected to pay for not just the girl but also their friend, and you will see girls talk about how if she brings a friend for protection then the guy should pay for the friend too.
So many variables exist that we don’t know but for some people there an expectation that if a girl brings a friend the guy needs to pay for both and I wouldn’t default that to just misogyny
I had girls bring a friend with them when I asked them out on a date and it didn’t even occur to me that I would pay for them. But also I wouldn’t expect the friend to hang around the entire time either, once it turned out I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone they generally went away.
I mean but then that’s social media. Again, like this post, how many guys posting are posting made up bullshit for engagement? How many girls are giving “tips,” again for engagement? None of this is guaranteed to be real. The data stands, however: Per NBC polling, 44% of people think whoever makes more should pay, regardless of gender. 36% think it should be split, regardless of any factors. Only 20%, half of any other response, thinks it should be the one who asked (which is usually in straight relationships the man). I’m sorry, but all of this is at best a shitty date, and yet is at worst fuel for the fucking mgtow incel crowd.
Yes he was being a bit rude but it is surprisingly common for women to expect the men to pay for their friends and it is not at all unreasonable for him to put his foot down early and refuse before she even asks.
Being a little rude to a woman is not misogyny.
Nowhere in the screenshot does she ever say she expected the guy to pay for her friend.
He’s getting mad about a made-up situation in his head. How do you actually deal with someone who’s mad about something that hasn’t happened.
The situation OP predicted wasn’t the one where she asks up front.
“Its surprisingly common” OK buddy. Also yes, if you have a misogynistic belief about women, and then act on that belief, then it becomes misogynistic. Following a black person around a store isn’t racist; doing so because you think their a thief makes it so.
Perfect. That’s when you strike
I can almost understand her reaction considering it was an online dating thing
No but I am old.
Being this weird about not paying would be an instant no for me. Around here it’s the norm that everyone pays for themselves on a date and even implying that someone will want you to pay for them is pretty rude. The only non-rude way to pay for the entire date is to ask for the full check when the waiter comes before the other person can ask to split it. Usually with the line “I’ll take this one, next one’s on you ;)” which doesn’t really mean that the next one’s on them but is more about the implication that there will be a next date.
You need to enter the modern world. Food expenses are real, and a date can and does destroy budgets. Dave doesn’t know if she want’s love or just dinner for her and her roommate.
An Instant no from you is a thumbs up from me cause I don’t have to drop $30 per person minimum on you.
…can you read? I’m saying that the default is that everyone pays for themselves. Paying for someone else is a niche situation that you need to actively seek out.
Obviously not for the person who replied to you, nor for many others
I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
I respect it, but i don’t get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you?
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
But even then, no one needs to ask you out on a date to do that. Any time you go out in public by yourself that could happen just as easily. If you’re that unreasonably fearful then i don’t want to spend time with you
throuple
Threesome. Corrected for you.
Nope. Throuple is dating, threesome is a one-time thing. Like if my wife and I have a girlfriend, we would be a throuple. And if we all sleep together, it would be a threesome. But saying “throuple=threesome” is like saying “couple=sex” when the two describe fundamentally different things. One is the relationship between people, and the other is just a physical act.
Nice condescending attitude though.
And here I thought OP just misspelled trouble.
Prepare for trouble!
And make it throuple!
throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up
is this valid C code?
“Can I bring a friend?”
“Um, I’d rather they stayed home. And well, I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but I kind of wanted to stay home, too. You have fun though!”
good answer
If you bring a friend, they better be down for a 3 way if things go well. The only time this hapoened to me, was when two girls invited me to a 3way and then one of them chickened out, then got mad that I still fucked her friend. Like… That was the entire reason I was there!
She got mad because you fucked the wrong friend lol
She should have fucked him first then.
Everybody knows that in relationships it is first come first served.
First come, first served cum
Oddly disturbing
This tracks.
Did the one that chickened out at least watch you fuck the other one?
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
If you wanna be my lover…
You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.
It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.
I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.
Double dates aware there is two couples. This sounds more like she wants to bring her friend on to make her feel more comfortable on a first date.
This is the way.
Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west
I’d be up for a few dates where the girl brings her friends, as long as she makes it clear beforehand that they’re coming. But not a last minute “by the way, my friends are coming.”
I don’t mind meeting more new people.
