• Rakonat@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1981·
    11 days ago

    While 100% in the don’t fake it camp, please also remember us men are not mind readers and our equipment works different. Much like with cooking and cleaning, if you don’t tell us what we are doing wrong or better yet show us the right way, we are going to assume we did our part cause we got the result we wanted and you didn’t complain or ask for something different.

      • Croquette@sh.itjust.works
        32·
        11 days ago

        I’d say day to day as well, depending on many factors (stress, energy level, hormones, etc.)

        Just communicate and see what’s working or not, or if anything works at all. It will make the sex better for everyone involved.

      • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        4·
        10 days ago

        I’ve noticed a pretty direct correlation with a woman’s habit of masturbating and her ability to orgasm during sex. The chick I was seeing just before I went back to college, I’d believe it if you told me that I’ve played with her clit more than she ever has TO THIS DAY, and guess what? She never once gave me any suggestion on what she wanted me to do, I’m sure because she genuinely didn’t know.

      • MisterFrog@lemmy.world
        2·
        10 days ago

        Funnily enough, this is the case for men too. Hence all the “this has never happened to me before” memes on TV shows in the 90s and 00s.

    • gladflag@lemmy.ml
      27·
      11 days ago

      Yes! Also, tell your male friends to communicate and actively ask what feels good!

      Edit: Also

    • Allero@lemmy.today
      19·
      11 days ago

      What I happened to notice with different girls as a guy is that for many, of not most, telling/showing the right way is a turn-off and having something the right way without showing first is a source of tremendous excitement.

      With that said, we, men, are still not mind readers, and women really do have it very differently, so some common sex education, while useful, can only cover the basics, and even they are not universally applicable.

      • Omgpwnies@lemmy.worldEnglish
        23·
        11 days ago

        telling/showing the right way is a turn-off

        I don’t think OP is talking about a PowerPoint presentation (unless that’s your kink, you do you), but more like some verbal cues “faster” “don’t stop” “a little lower” etc. If the guy has a reasonable amount of attentiveness and experience, he should be able to get her 80% of the way there. Also, little cues like that can be hot as well because we know she’s into it and stuff.

      • TheFriar@lemm.ee
        6·
        10 days ago

        I dunno man, most women in my experience have all really appreciated (and as much said out loud) that there was communication. Sure, if it happens without any prompting or guidance, it’s mind blowing because it feels like there’s something naturally special going on, but that’s a pretty rare thing. Sexual compatibility can be tweaked and guided, for sure, but then again there are also people who just don’t have it together.

        There are also just toxic people that want perfection with zero work. But that’s not how shit works, even if they can be a vocal group

    • interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
      6·
      10 days ago

      Fake orgasm is very counter-productive, even when it’s used as a feeling preservibg way of saying “I’m tired and bored, let’s just finish you off and go back to watching tv”

  • MissJinx@lemmy.world
    1563·
    11 days ago

    I feel like as.a.woman I.have to.point out that, many times, a woman orgasming or not is not.your fuck’s fault.

    I would also.like to point out that it is harder to orgasm in “normal” sex than is it with oral, so.if your girl didn’t orgasm don’t take it personally, pull your pants up and go down on her

    • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works
      47·
      11 days ago

      There’s also women who can not orgasm by in-and-out movements (like: the act of fucking) and it just hurts them after a while. Had to find that out the hard way.

      • RedditWanderer@lemmy.world
        39·
        11 days ago

        I think people would be really surprised at the wide variety of shapes for women insides. Some shapes just don’t get rubbed the same way.

      • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        4·
        11 days ago

        Positions and angles of attack can matter. Something that feels good for one girl does nothing for or hurts another. And it’s not necessarily a matter of “I like this position” because it’s about how your two bodies interact. It’s very possible you both like different things. I had a girlfriend fairly early on where we pretty quickly realized I liked this and she liked that, and we’d take turns doing the other’s favorite. Dynamics of sexual relationships became a lot less adult after high school.

    • 1984@lemmy.today
      281·
      11 days ago

      I’m surprised this is news to people but I guess sex education varies between countries maybe.

    • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
      201·
      11 days ago

      Or, first ask for directions, go down and stay down, keep listening and doing exactly what she says, until she gets there first. THEN bring your dick to the party. For many of us the second and successive orgasms are much quicker and easier to achieve, even from penetrative sex.

      • Resonosity@lemmy.world
        2·
        11 days ago

        This is the way. First, second, third base and home.

        Although doesn’t have to be every time. Can skip bases, go backwards, etc.

    • angrystego@lemmy.world
      9·
      11 days ago

      Agree. Let me add that some women don’t orgasm at all or do orgasm and don’t like it - yes, the world is a diverse place.

      Communication is key in any relationship.

  • Jo Miran@lemmy.ml
    95·
    11 days ago

    Most men are a lot more receptive to input than many women give us credit for. For the mist part, men do not want to be known as a terrible lay. If your man doesn’t think he needs pointers, get someone else to treat you right.

      • RedditRefugee69@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        1·
        10 days ago

        People need to spread the word about good, safe partners better.

        But jealousy exists, so everyone else has to gamble with their lives for a date/orgasm.

    • Empricorn@feddit.nlEnglish
      6·
      11 days ago

      Wait, we’re supposed to be involving mist? Women just get more and more complicated…

        • Malfeasant@lemm.ee
          1·
          10 days ago

          I’m now picturing those 80s games where you had to hit the keys rapidly (and in the correct sequence) to make your character run, but with pelvic thrusts…

  • atro_city@fedia.io
    11325·
    11 days ago

    > Lies there like a dead fish
    > Barely participates
    > Expects pleasure beyond wildest dreams
    > “Why are men so bad at sex?”

  • Soulg@sh.itjust.works
    81·
    11 days ago

    I know the tone of this is supposed to be “haha you suck” but if you fake it then you’re only going to make the guy keep doing the thing that didn’t work. Help them learn how to be better because they can’t feel what you’re feeling.

    • Malfeasant@lemm.ee
      2·
      10 days ago

      they can’t feel what you’re feeling.

      Well, the fun part is, if you’re doing it right, you absolutely can… But if it’s never happened before, you don’t know what you’re missing.

    • MisterFrog@lemmy.world
      2·
      10 days ago

      I don’t like the overall message society gives that men need to be “good at sex” instead of people mutually enjoying the experience.

      To me it’s akin to someone calling you boring to talk with, while they contribute nothing to the conversation other than showing up.

  • bcgm3@lemmy.worldEnglish
    75·
    10 days ago

    Yeah, please. Why be deceptive? It serves no one.

    Better yet, take responsibility for your own pleasure. Play an active role in getting what you want out of the act. Communicate. Why wouldn’t you?

    • Semi-Hemi-Lemmygod@lemmy.worldEnglish
      332·
      10 days ago

      I’ve heard from a lot of women that a portion of men take any attempt to provide suggestions as a direct attack on their masculinity

      • ghen@sh.itjust.works
        461·
        10 days ago

        Well that’s just two reasons not to date them since those guys all probably listen to Tate.

      • inv3r510n@lemmy.world
        23·
        10 days ago

        Not just men, I’m a lesbian and I’ve experienced this with women too. Some people are really sensitive to constructive criticism especially during intimacy.

        • swordofdamocles@lemmy.world
          4·
          9 days ago

          especially during intimacy.

          Well that does make sense when you think about it. That’s when you’re at your most vulnerable. I personally wouldn’t mind because lust overpowers all of my other emotions during sex lmao. Though for some people, I think it would be best to talk about it after the deed is done.

          • inv3r510n@lemmy.world
            2·
            9 days ago

            Yup that’s definitely why. And a lot of people other than the hyper sexual have a lot of insecurities around sex even if they didn’t grow up in a culture that made it taboo.

      • namarupa@lemmy.world
        7·
        10 days ago

        This happens when providing suggestions to anyone about anything when you’re dealing with an insecure person.

      • Holyginz@lemmy.world
        181·
        10 days ago

        If you aren’t willing to learn and grow with your partner you should stick to masturbating

      • Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de
        10·
        10 days ago

        Oh and that is fine but then you have to ask yourself if you want to have a partnership with bad sex. If not, break up, or “teach” by communicating what you want, what is good and what is bad. There is no alternative, accept bad sex, break up, teach.

        (Technically, you could let them have sex outside of the partnership to study, but… Well, not my cup of tea)

  • AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee
    67·
    11 days ago

    I dumped a woman when she told me she faked her orgasms. Good sex requires honesty, trust, and communication. It’s impossible to get better when either person is being dishonest.

    • pinkystew@reddthat.comEnglish
      18·
      11 days ago

      Good, fuck her. Or not fuck her in this case. I’ve dated two or three guys that had honesty issues, and the relationship crumbled very quickly after I figured it out. Without trust there’s no respect, no cooperation, no kindness.

  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
    8217·
    11 days ago

    Or rather: don’t fake orgasms, make sure he knows if there’s something he can do better.

    Constrictive criticism and pointers is how we get better, especially at doing the things YOU specifically like.

    If he can’t roll with that, though, kick his ass to the curb. Maybe point and laugh at his weird penis first 😛

      • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
        1811·
        11 days ago

        With you in principle and updooted you, but:

        That one was A) a joke and B) a joke about shaming those unwilling to learn for not being willing to learn. Not about shaming them into being better in any way. What do you think I am, a Catholic parent?

        • angrystego@lemmy.world
          115·
          11 days ago

          I’d argue that people are not obligated to learn. If they don’t want to learn what you need to be happy with them, leave them. Don’t push them to do something they don’t want to do. There’s no reason to be hostile about it.

          • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
            87·
            11 days ago

            I’d argue that people are not obligated to learn

            I mean technically being selfish isn’t illegal… Still better for everyone if they aren’t, though 🤷

            If they don’t want to learn what you need to be happy with them, leave them.

            Except for the fact that the next one along is gonna get bad sex too. A lover is like a public park: when you’re done using it, the polite thing is to leave it as good or better than when you arrived.

            Don’t push them to do something they don’t want to do.

            Unlike the OP, I’m advocating for constructive criticism and pointers. That’s not pushing. That’s nudging at most.

            There’s no reason to be hostile about it.

            If you think giving helpful advice on how you can better please someone in bed, in stead of pretending that they’re already a champion, is hostile behavior, that’s a YOU problem…

            • angrystego@lemmy.world
              82·
              11 days ago

              Laughing at someone is hostile. Parting ways amicably is much better. I also think that men should not be pressed to do things they don’t want to do in bed. Also, not every woman enjoys the same methods, so teaching a man something might not work for his next partner. People have different tastes in sexual stuff. It’s necessary to communicate and be prepared that there can be different preferences. It’s ok if someone doesn’t want to do some stuff in bed.

              • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
                41·
                11 days ago

                Laughing at someone is hostile

                As I made clear in another comment, that part was a joke. As in I didn’t mean it. I don’t endorse body shaming, even if someone’s a selfish lover lol

                Parting ways amicably is much better.

                Yeah, obviously.

                I also think that men should not be pressed to do things they don’t want to do in bed

                Nobody’s suggesting that. Can we do this without the strawmen, please?

                Also, not every woman enjoys the same methods, so teaching a man something might not work for his next partner.

                Sure, but some things work for more than one person. Such as being open to suggestions of how to improve. Which needs to be a two-way street and voluntary, of course.

                People have different tastes in sexual stuff.

                You don’t say?

                It’s necessary to communicate and be prepared that there can be different preferences

                Of course. That’s what I’m advocating for.

                It’s ok if someone doesn’t want to do some stuff in bed.

                Again, I never said to force anyone to do anything. I meant something along the lines of “X isn’t really working for me, could you try Y?” or “I really like X, is that something you’re into?”, NOT “do X or get out!”

            • angrystego@lemmy.world
              62·
              11 days ago

              Is it being shit in bed if you don’t push your partner to do stuff they don’t feel like doing? Is a partner shit in bed if they feel uncomfortable with some stuff? Are there mandatory ways to make love and to enjoy sex?

        • LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
          31·
          11 days ago

          Nah, I just wanted to make sure it was obvious to others that part was a joke. I updooted you in a comment you made lower in the comments. I figured you were a person with good intent making a comment involving passion. Something I direly need to learn from. Controlling my responses hasn’t always been great. As for the Catholics, I can’t speak much of anything about them I suppose anymore. I left their following more than 20 years ago now, and I hope they grow better as I don’t think they are going to disappear any time soon. I also need to give up drinking, but for sake of words, I say let’s drink to a better future.

    • BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works
      14·
      11 days ago

      Constrictive criticism

      Freudian slip? But hey if that’s what you’re into then good for you 😉

      Otherwise? Yeah, come on, don’t settle for shit sex, if you can teach your partner to be better then why not? Don’t be too afraid to say something.

      • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
        3·
        11 days ago

        Freudian slip? But hey if that’s what you’re into then good for you 😉

        Actually a happy autocomplete accident, but yeah, gonna leave it as is because you made it fun 😄

        Otherwise? Yeah, come on, don’t settle for shit sex, if you can teach your partner to be better then why not? Don’t be too afraid to say something.

  • Zannsolo@lemmy.world
    341·
    11 days ago

    I’m lucky my wife orgasms easily from PIV makes me feel like a champ but really it’s just her body that makes it happen.

    • meliaesc@lemmy.world
      3·
      11 days ago

      I’m in the “multiple orgasm” camp but it has happened a couple times where I’m not really in the mood (stress etc) or the sex has gone on too long (chafing, boredom) where there’s not a specific thing my husband should start or stop doing long term and I don’t want to impact his experience. It’s only been like 3 or 4 times in the last 15 years.

      • interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
        3·
        10 days ago

        Here’s the psychic cure, actually fake orgasms don’t exist, they are all real. If she tells you she faked it, it means she’s lying to you, and now she’s just trying to hurt you, probably because you didn’t do the dishes last night.

        There, the whole fake orgasm thing, solved forever.