With a squeeze of lemon!

That’s right, pass those microplastics along to the cancer babies! (Seriously though, DONATE BLOOD.)

Going at a more popular time is a different experience and can be better in its own way. More different from watching alone at home. Individual audience members can be annoying but a good audience enhances your enjoyment as they react to the same moments with you.

The sweet little same-face kitty!

If I were a business I would charge extra for being forced to handle rapedonald bills.

FUCK THE PEDODOLLAR

RAPEBUCKS ARE GROSS

Also known as:

Corruption Cabbage

Deadbrain Presidents

TACO Cheddar

Shitbacks

Tiny Ones

Loser Lettuce

Don’t fight stupid with stupid. It’s easy to go paperless for most purchases, and if they insist on paper you write a goddamn check with your OWN goddamn signature on it.

Cashless economy starts now

That’s terrible for you and the squirrels but some apex predator’s babies are getting really well nourished. Or it’s also possible many squirrels noped out of the area after a few were devoured.

Thank you Maxxus, it’s been a long night and you just made facing the day worthwhile

Look how EFFICIENT you are!

Usually when I do that it’s more like who’s the klutz.

As a coffee preferer myself, I think if you have tea you’d be allowed a compensatory biscuit.

It did say “probably”! I think that’s your loophole. Just pick a “Vic #1” type target.

(As in whodunnits where everyone has a motive to kill THAT guy)

Trading seats with Silent Bob.

Of course she does, she carries the weight of civilization.

“The ability of skinny old ladies to carry huge loads is phenomenal. Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.”

• Terry Pratchett - Reaper Man

Mine doesn’t have any kind of mute option, I checked the manual.

Agreed that companies need to lower the note of their beeps to old-man hearing tones.

Why “daughter” and “child” then? Not daughters, age 16 and 2, or daughter and son? If it were the reverse I’d assume the teen was nonbinary but it’s unusual in a toddler

Your cousin’s daughter was made pregnant and gave birth at 14, then she and her toddler were killed by a drunk driver? I sincerely hope this story really is hypothetical. Otherwise my deepest sympathy to her, and condolences to anyone who loved those poor children.

Oh, and your daughter should refer the case because whether or not it’s legal, she could be forced into a position that destroys her relationships in the family.