My mother’s cat, Miss Chiff, is psychotic.

She’s very affectionate and cuddly with my mother, and will attempt to murder all other humans. She’s an adorable little psychopath, she’s a little grey tux, cutest purr, serious laceration hazard. She’s just…touched in the head. I could honestly do without her.

My own cat Izzy is the friendliest cat on earth. She’s laying on the floor next to me, probably wants me to go to bed so she can cuddle up to my arm. She belonged to a relative of mine who passed away, so I adopted Izzy as a senior cat, which has its difficulties. Cat owners can understand what their own cat is saying, because individual cats kind of learn how to communicate with their humans. Well I’m not the one Izzy learned to communicate with, so half the time I have no idea what the little dunce is talking about. Sweet as honey, just…frustratingly incomprehensible sometimes.

I never even tried to watch Game of Thrones, which I think is why I’m not technically a human. I am a meat popsicle. For like a decade, it seemed like it was a felony to have any kind of small talk related to anything but that show. So I stopped socializing entirely. I gather that it’s based on a book series that the author never finished, they kept making the show after they ran out of books to adapt, did a shitty job about it, and nobody talks about it except how disappointing it was.

The Plinkett reviews of Star Wars…they’re so long ago the first one or two were split into ten minute videos because Youtube had a 10 minute time limit for videos back then. The gag about “Leave me a message on this web zone and I will send you [a pizza roll] in the mail” made me think there was such a thing as a “web zone.” Back then, so many different platforms were popping up that I invented a service halfway between Myspace and Geocities that called user created pages “web zones.”

I think I still liked Star Wars after The Phantom Menace. Attack of the Clones killed the franchise for me. I saw Revenge of the Sith on DVD at a family member’s house to get it over with, I haven’t paid attention to the franchise since, and I gather I’m not missing much.

I want to shoot a movie in like, Portland Maine, and then some characters decide to go to Mexico, and “Mexico” is just Portland, Oregon with a heavy sand colored filter over the lens.

Abrams made two amusing Star Trek fanfics.

Air Force One was a trilogy?

So in this movie she’s a successful big city criminal but she’s getting disillusioned with that and wants to move back home to a picturesque podunk town to be a small town criminal, maybe burgle a cute little antique shop in the town square, enter our eligible bachelor, the handsome, charismatic and eligible town axe murderer?

Okay. When I walk into a Lowe’s to buy a power drill, the entire aisle of bathroom sinks on the other side of the 5 acre store don’t bother me at all, because they’re back there.

When they start putting out the Halloween decorations for sale in April or the Christmas shit in August, they put that right at the entrance, it tends to make noise, it’s often scented, and especially with the Christmas shit they start playing non-stop Christmas music over the store’s speakers. So we get half a fucking year now of either the same old shit, or this year’s repackaging of the same old shit. It is actively bothersome.

Like, you walk into Michael’s and there’s always an aisle of wreaths and pine fronds back there. And it stays there year round. That’s fine. They don’t choose an increasing number of months out of the year to wave it in your face as you walk in.

Add to that the ever-increasing commercial nature of the holiday and it’s just…ugly.

Elect me your president and I’ll bring back tarring and feathering.

What the fuck kind of compromise? “Let us technical loophole around your constitutional rights just a little bit?”

How about we compromise and let that guy in Tennessee hang you just a little bit.

Yeah English phonics is a garbage fire. Just look at that last sentence.

I know of a few cases in religious buildings where stairs were designed to have a mystical effect. In Angkor Wat, for example, the stairs have a steep and tall tread pattern. Commoners weren’t used to them so they’d be exhausted, but the local monks were used to them so they could ascend and descend with ease.

Silly Putty I think was an attempt to make plastic that failed and they went “well it’s kind of fun to play with, we’ll sell it as a toy?”

wikis the pedia

Rubber. It was an attempt to make synthetic rubber during WWII rationing. Found to be pretty useless but kind of a fun toy.

We’ll eventually give up and thesaurus it.

Rrrrl. Rrrrl. RRRRL. Out inna woods.

Is there anywhere on earth that pronounces the R? FEB-you-air-EE.

That’s not an English word, that’s a space catholic word.

I have a disdain for technical latin, Stop telling me I have hypernatremia; high blood salt is exactly as detailed and like 54 syllables shorter.

In my tarheel accent, a consonant Y often gets sanded to an uh sound. Especially when speaking quickly it’s not uncommon to hear a Carolinian say “REG-uh-lurr” rather than “REG-yew-lurr”.

Point of order, you’re thinking of play doh, not silly putty.

Yeah, my LG EnV2. It was a more physically pleasurable thing to use than any phone I’ve had since, because I switched to Android after that. That first Android phone, an LG Ally, was kinda slick too, not as ergonomic and touch screens are a mistake, but…it still felt like progress. Things got better or more capable. I’ve had like four phones since that Ally, and even though they’ve gotten objectively more powerful as computers, they don’t functionally do much more.