Would you ever straight up say to your son, ‘You are a disappointment’?
No. That’s a terrible name!
My dad said he was disappointed. I sat him down, looked him in his eyes and said, “Hi, Disappointed. I’m Son!”
Absolutely not. No matter what they have done, my love and support is unconditional. They may do things I don’t approve of, but I try to understand what motivates them and forgive them.
Even if they murder your dog in cold blood and eat it?
It’s difficult to imagine a situation where this would be an appropriate thing to say. We don’t get to choose how we feel but articulating those feelings can be incredibly damaging. I would think carefully about why you think that. Children need love and compassion no matter what, else they may find themselves in the same situation that you are now in.
Maybe they eat your dog?
What the actual fuck? NO. Kids who are little are little kids, they are all potential, you can be somewhat disappointed in their behavior occasionally but not them. Grown kids are grownups with their own lives, they can disappoint themselves I guess but not me, and if they somehow managed it I still would not say that, they don’t exist to satisfy me, that’s not the point of having kids. Had kids to have a family and to grow some independent adults so they could have lives of their own.
If they were a triple Trumper, yes.
But in all seriousness, you’re a disappointment sounds like a line from a movie, real life doesn’t really do dialog like that.
real life doesn’t really do dialog like that.
It with great sadness that I report to you, that real life does, in fact, dialog in this exact fashion at times.
if they were hateful. punching down types. maga. racists. yeah, yeah, I would.
If they were disappointing, maybe. Like I’m not gonna lie and say I’d love my kid even if they turned out to be a racist, sexist, nazi piece of shit. But I mean, I’d also be disappointed in myself for raising such a bastard.
But would they be a disappointment or would you be disappointed in them? Meaning: should they cease to exist, or should their actions cease to exist? Maybe I’m looking at it wrong, but, to me, that’s the difference between “being a disappointment” and “bring disappointing”.
It’s extremely hard to imagine but yeah there are lines.
No. “Being a disappointing,” yes. “A disappointment,” no.
The difference is one is a fixable behaviour, and the other is an identity.
No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that
Or an influencer.
depends on what they do. theres 2 types, a rich influencer (the most common as most of them tend to come from upper middle class and beyond) and the “semi not come from money ones”. if they produce greed slop likes of mr beast or become a uninformed political influencer than that would be a disappointment.
wouldnt that be the fault of the parent for not monitoring the upbring of thier children.
probably i dunno, i hate kids
Being a pedophile isn’t a choice, it’s a psychological dysfunction. Acting on that impulse is a crime and something to be punished - or treated in a medical facility.
Thank you for saying that. I have worked with MAPs (minor attracted people), and majority of them do not want to offend, and understand they can never act on their desires. They were actively seeking treatment and felt suicidal because of their attraction.
Also I learned that about half (?) of sexual acts on minors aren’t even done by people with pedophilia but because the victims seemed to be vulnerable - so less likely to fight back or tell someone.
I am not sure about the actual numbers, but what you describe absolutely happens, more often than people realize. These fucks go after vulnerable people.
I dont care. If my hypothetical son that will never be born turns into a pedophile and has sex with children, then i will call them a dissapointment.
No, but I would say something like “I am very dissapointed in you for doing X”. A kid can’t change who they “are”, but they can change what they “do”.
This is a key distinction. To make sure they understand it properly, I usually push it even further to “You did a disappointing thing.”
Those are the same things. You are what you do.
If you don’t want to be X, than don’t do X.
Correlation is not causation
we’re talking about people dude. we are not talking about scientific principles.
people claim want to be healthy and then engage in unhealthy behaviors. they are unhealthy. what they do is what defines them, not what they desire to be.
Yes we are talking about people. People can be held accountable for their actions and people can change their ways if they make mistakes. You’re saying that people cannot change. If they bought a tesla, they’re nazis, so fuck them.
I’m not saying any of that. But please keep telling me more about myself. Clearly you know everything…
That’s the point though. I’m not telling you anything about yourself. I’m telling you about what you’re saying. I’m not assuming anything about who you are or aren’t.
No, you are misrepresenting what I’m saying to make it look extreme and stupid. It’s called straw-manning.
You can choose and change what you do.
You can’t choose or change what you are.
If you get confused about do / be just refer back to those rules and you’ll know which one applies.
Hell no.
I would send him the following:
I’d be quick to change my ways if Mr. Incredible said that to me
Yesterday I said to my son “I’m disappointed in you for not catching that fish” (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).
I felt pretty bad and didn’t mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I’m absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn’t catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.
Oh wow that’s a hard one to fix but good job on trying. At the beginning of your comment I was like wtf that’s not his fault!
I feel like this would be my mindset. Like you’re bummed out or disappointed that a certain action wasn’t successful, but you’re not upset with the person just the event in general.
My kids are still quite young but I’ve already had to catch myself mid-sentence and reword or rethink how I say certain things. It’s hard because at work we’re all cursing like sailors but at home we don’t want anything like that around the kids…to the best of our abilities.
Bruh I’m an Asian son and I’ve been on the receiving end of these words 💀
Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I’m never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)
