This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
That’s a real group of bros
More like a group of betas!
No one is more beta than the guy calling others a beta.
Created an account just for this comment huh?
Probably evading a ban
Which of the male influencers you follow taught you this?
Douchebag.
If you have to insult other people to make yourself feel big, I have no respect whatsoever for you.
My pee smells like shit, and my shit sounds like pee.
One time I was in line to piss before watching a Mastodon concert, and I really had to piss, and I stood in line with like 50 dudes waiting for ye olde washroom, and there was like two urinals and a stall. Well fuck me the stall was taken, so not wanting to be a rude dick to every other dude in line I tried to use the urinal. So I whipped out mah johnson, and it was pretty much like the comic, got pee shy, held it for like 30 I don’t know 45 seconds or something. Nothing. I’m like looking over my shoulder at this massive line of of dudes behind me. Fuck. So I just pretended to shake it, shoved it back into my pants and was miserable having to piss the whole Mastodon set.
I fucking hate having to piss in public around people. It’s so terrible.
Hah, I’ve literally been there. Imagine a 9’x9’ prison cell with two men, steel bunk “beds”, and a solid steel toilet. Also, you’re high on suboxone because there’s not much else to do in prison.
You’re a grown man, standing facing the toilet with wiener in hand, with another grown man’s head like 3 feet behind your ass. Standing there for what feels like eternity. And you’re thinking “Oh shit. He’s going to think I don’t know how to piss or something. This is weird. His head is way too close to my ass. Fuck, I’d better not fart. I forgot how pain killers and shit can make you unable to piss. It’s got to be the sub I took. I have to go so bad but I don’t know how to make it work. I did forget how to pee!”
And as you panic, your bunkie finally says something like “What the fuck, dude? Did you forget how to piss?” and all of your fears come true.
The comic for the women’s bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.
I could write a lengthy essay about how the design of modern western public bathrooms reflects our social hypocrisies, inconsistencies, and social ills. In fact I have been gathering thoughts for a while now with plans to do so.
And I too opt for a stall whenever possible, I’m a cis-presenting man but I still don’t feel safe enough at a urinal for the pee to flow. But this stuff is often invisible to those it doesn’t affect adversely.
!subscribe
Sounds like an interesting read that i would want to read. Also, having some paper to dry up is also really nice.
I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.
In the urinal? Like, facing forwards?
sidesaddle, like a prim and proper lady, all shipshape and bristol fashion
Like planking face down
You’re sitting down but You’re not making brown?
This guy gets it
I’m arguably a real man’s man with typical man likes and man opinions but I won’t for the life of me understand this macho stigma against pissing sitting down.
You have no toilet paper at urinals so you put your member back into your underwear with more residual piss on it than you would’ve otherwise, and splashback of piss particulates back onto your pants is also a thing.
Especially when you drain the lizard in or at something that’s not one of those round specifically purpose built porcelain urinals. Like those unials that are just a big metal plate, a normal toilet, or a wall or tree.
Pissing with shy bladder protip: Do some multiplication tables in your head. What’s 7x6? 8x6? 4x12?
Takes up enough concentration that it easily starts to flow. Made this trick up years back and it has never failed me.
I just stand there and go pee.
Pissing with shy bladder protip
I just stand there and go pee.
That’s a pissing without shy bladder protip, that is.
I’ve got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there’s any chance I’ll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I’m in front of the urinal, it’s not difficult to start the stream quickly.
There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used “the trick” as usual. I get there, and there’s a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.
Of course, in all likelihood, “the trick” won’t continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I’ll be the other guy.
No thinking of waterfalls?
Honestly, leaving ultra quickly is the kindest thing you can do if he’s struggling.
I wish I could sit down when I pee, but my dick and balls are so long they get dunked when I do so. 😔
I know what you mean, my dingley dangleys are so big that i have to use a hand rail to support the weight shift when i unsheathe 😔
I can only sit on some toilets. Others are OK. Depth and curve of the bowl front.
I have never touched the water. And my balls have never been a problem here…
Uh, Relevant username? (My DMs are open lol)
I always thought this comic was upvoted because the absurdity of it is funny, not because it’s a thing that people are actually anxious about and therefore relate to.
Oh it’s definitely a thing which makes it funnier on top of the absurdity.
one day you’re the dude with the hair, then you grow a mustache or something idk how this universe’s power scaling works
Here’s some advice I received years ago for this very situation: if you’re struggling to piss due to stage fright, imagine pissing on the head of someone you hate. Really imagine it. Imagine micturating all over their hair (or their scalp), the aghast expression, then them spluttering while trying to mouth ‘What the fuck?’ it does work. I don’t know why it works - and I most definitely don’t want to know - but it does work.
You’re all most welcome :)
Now I’m erect and peeing is even harder?
Is this kink specifically about pissing on people you hate, or is it just generally pissing on people that brings mr peepee to attention?
What the actual fuck?..
I thought I invented this or something, now I have to reconsider my entire life… I literally used to do this at work in a single stall bathroom but you never know when you might come out and there might be a line of even one person let alone four or five and they’re like what the hell you doing in there buddy. But seriously some psychological stuff like that can get you over the hump sometimes. It’s really something to consider if you are having problems. I’d prefer to sit down all together, I do all the time at home, but public restrooms, yeah, not unless it’s an emergency in the other department.
Now though, it’s mostly prostate and bladder issues at 43, but hey, if that’s the worst of my problems I guess hell, It could be worse. I mean it’s not necessarily the least of my problems but hey, I guess if (trying) to piss standing up is what I’m up against, at least I’m still upright to try, right?
Fuck I don’t know where I was going with this but anyway yeah I guess I’m not the only one lol
🤷🏽
This is one of the reasons why I don’t understand how other men use urinals. Like how do you manage the absolute lack of privacy?? And I’m not even talking about hygiene (you don’t use toilet paper when using a urinal)
Everybody shows up to do something specific and keeps their eyes on the road. Unless you drop your pants to your ankles or you’re packing SERIOUS heat there’s nothing to see anyway unless you’re way out of your lane.
I find it MUCH weirder to take a dump in a “guest bathroom” that is a half bath with no fan or background noise and is next to the room where people are.
Also… unless it’s your first time with a wang, I am perplexed by why you would need toilet paper. Presuming you wash your body regularly and you wash your hands when you’re done it’s not like you’re dipping your fingers in the stream or putting it away wet.
The wang does remain wet no matter how much you shake it. And that’s pretty uncomfortable to me even though I do wash regularly. It’s like not washing your hands after eating greasy chicken. Yes, you will eventually wash it off some time later but going around with dirty hands all day long is just unpleasant.
I guess I don’t follow. Are you saying that you give it a good jostle and it’s wet all day? Or are you literally talking about your hands?
As for me, I don’t have that sort of feeling personally. That doesn’t invalidate what you’ve got going on of course.
I mean it becomes dirty after the leftover urine dries up. I’m sure for some people it’s okay, but I really dislike it.
It’s just kinda funny we make men piss in troughs cock out side by side while women have always been given the dignity of a door. We really did just go “idk you guys are animals figure it out piss in this hole next to that other pissing guy”
Which is why I always stan a properly built gender neutral bathroom with floor to ceiling doors for everyone. Bliss. Pee in privacy, my toilet is my kingdom.
… we also have private rooms with toilets you know. How else do you think we go nr2? Shit in our hands and fling it around?
Urinals are just more convenient and quicker, and nobody forces you to use them.
You dont shit in your hand and fling it around? Aw man ive been doing it wrong this whole time
Same way people handle bathhouses in asian countries. You learn to stop caring so much about your naked body
Urinals are so weird. I only use them if there is no free or reasonable clean stall. Sitting down to pee is in every way superior.
Why not raise the seat and pee while standing? It’s a little bit trickier since you have to have a good aim, but it’s as quick as with urinals but you get the privacy
I’ll do that if the seat is visibly nasty in public restrooms. But generally, maneuvers like this are what makes public restrooms nasty in the first place. So I try to avoid that, even with the seat up.
Sitting down to do it isn’t quite as fast since you’re dropping drawers, and the seat can be a catastrophe that you’d rather not touch on occasion. Nonetheless we should pee as like.
When I was in boot camp for the Marine corps the rule was three to a urinal. And when we went out to the rifle range for a week or whatever, the toilets were just in a room, six toilets, not a wall in sight, in just a room. I was fortunately not piss shy, but they definitely force it out of you if you are. Fortunately, by the time we were at the range, privacy had stopped being a concern.
This was 2009 when boot camp was still segregated men and women.
That is quite brutal. But it does seem to be very effective. This is interesting. Thanks for sharing your story!
the rule was three to a urinal.
How long does it take to piss? 60 seconds? Couldn’t they just wait and go one after another?
Never served; don’t know for sure.
It makes more sense when you consider that the point is to get rid of the psychological blocks that would keep you from being able to do your business as quickly as possible whereever possible under whatever circumstances. That three to a urinal thing is under a short time limit.
Read up on what snipers do.
Yeah, everything is counting down. They start with left sock, right sock, go from there. You have 60+ guys, they’d finish head calls in “100 seconds,” and I put them in quote because it’s a guy screaming backwards from 100 as fast as he can. And so the point is, yes, removing psychological blocks to certain behaviors, getting you to move fast all the time, and obey orders immediately. It’s pretty effective.
urinals are weird and no one likes them
not only that but there are no dividers between the urinals, which you would think as a completely basic necessity
the alternative is using a toilet that some animal could have nuked
Many urinals do have dividers. But also it’s just not an issue, everyone is there for the same thing and no one is looking anywhere other than in front anyway. I very much like them because thet mean I don’t have to touch a public toilet seat, plus they’re the reason there’s rarely a line on the men’s bathroom.
Like how do you manage the absolute lack of privacy??
The same way as when i’m in swing bars.
Damn so my friends who use urinals… Interesting.
The solution to this problem is simple: Just don’t use a public bathroom… the world is a giant, enormous shitter with endless and diverse opportunities to more or less hide behind something and let it flow.
Why let yourself be trapped and domesticated? Your Dick wants FREEDOM!
Ok, since the solution to this problem hasn’t been provided in this thread, here it is:
Start calculating the fibonacci sequence in your head once you can start to pee: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc…
The reason why this works is because the calculations use the exact same part of the brain that also causes pee anxiety. Just gove it a try, it works incredibly well. Usually I have a solid flow before I get to 34 and I’ve been using this technique for years so I go through the sequence quite quickly.
Just try it and judge for yourself.
Imagine me opening Lemmy during my pre movie piss at the urinal only to see this. I hate how accurate this is, but it’s amazing. I get nervous pee sooooo bad. It’s like everything just freezes up lmao.
Imagine not looking at your phone while pissing in a public bathroom.
So that’s why there’s so much piss on the floor
Just vocalise your internal monologue like you’re on dragon ball z and then start making sounds like you’re powering up your ki in your bladder and then blast the porcelain with a urine beam!
