Dude I fucking hate that movie. I’m in the (personal, not global. I know we’re all in the global bad universe) bad universe and I do not like thinking about the good one

Maybe be more careful where UP

Is keepupology under physics, engineering, mathematics, philosophy, sociology, or spoken Finnish?

I would like a cigar, yes please

No I’m eating gummy worms and it’s making me hungrier

Sometimes you miss the taste of hooves, but I’m with you

Burma shave

i’ve got the vim half, do i want to understand the kink half? I’m trying to figure out whether to devote brainpower to figuring this out because, uh, yeah there’s some things i regret learning.

are romans just vampires is that how latin works

all the auto body shops in town are on the same road. they lobbied city hall to have the intersection out front changed so now there’s two, three fender benders a day there.

that’s good because he’s been promoted to admiral and is on the nimitz

Esquite (i am too lazy to put the accents in right now)

have you considered burying your prank in the transpacific garbage patch?

maybe you need a fancier gun?

Feel this sweater instead. It’s real velour!

They’re still on my list are they good

I went on a hike and a coyote started hunting me on the last mile back to the car. I carry at least a large stick when I hike now.

For some reason I read that as vomitiform (I bet I know how they fought)