The top three are Shoestring, Curly, and Wedges, though not necessarily in that order. I still have not managed to figure out how the fuck restaurants make their shoestring (and steak) fries so fucking good.

Next are waffle fries and onion rings. They’re okay.

Sweet Potato fries and tots after that. Just not my thing.

Whoever likes zigzag/crinkle-cut fries is a monster. May god have mercy on their twisted souls.

The secret winner though is zucchini fries, which are mana from the heavens.

My only strong opinion on the whole chart is that crinkle cut fries are the worst thing shown and thus take last place no matter what

1, 7, 6, 4, 8, 3, 2, 5

Zigzag

Uh, it’s crinkle cut and someone will die on my hill.

1,5,7,8,3,4,2,6

3. Tater tot: A good tater tot is like butter. Pure salt and crunch then melt in your mouth deliciousness.

4. Onion Rings: Good onion rings is technically better than tater tots, but the spectrum of bad to good onion rings is very wide.

5. Curly Fries: Curly Fries are hard to fuck up. I don’t even think I’ve had a variation of curly fries. They’re all the same to me, but they’re so good.

6. Wedges: Wedges have a smaller spectrum than onion rings, but the ceiling is lower and they’re hard to rank better than the ones ahead of them.

7. Shoestring: McDonalds

8. ZigZag: These can range from heavenly to straight fucking trash. Unfortunately they’re too easy to turn into straight fucking trash. By that I mean you have to put more work into them to make them good as opposed to just salt and oven/fried. Might as well just try to fry some snow at that point.

9. Sweet Potato: I’ve had good sweet potato fries but I rarely get good sweet potato fries.

10. Waffle: I don’t get these. They’re ass. The only place that makes them kinda tolerable is Chik-Fila, but even then they’re still ass to me. Can’t even make them good at home without drowning them in salt and ketchup. I can slice up a potato and chuck them in the oven and get better results most of the time.

Edit for formatting. Apparently piefed, doesn’t honor your numbering and turns it into 1, 2, 3, etc even if you go 8, 12, 3.

I love my thick wedges! Shoestring always disappoints me for some reason

I’ll just take whatever. I’m not picky.

Best to worst: 8, 7, 4, 2, 6, 1, 3, 5

Sweet potato in general is just terrible.

Onion rings top, then tots, then everything else

I’m not too fussy about my deep fried treats. They’re all no. 1 in my book. Except sweet potato, they can fuck off. They taste fine, but why are they always soggy?

Seasoned fries for robbed

wedges, waffle, tots, onion rings, curly, shoestring, crinkle (never heard them called zigzag), sweet potato

I have had really good sweet potato fries that rank much higher, but they’re a gamble. Seem to have greater variation in quality than the other options.

1. Waffle fries (always crispy and delicious)
2. Curly fries (same)
3. Tater tots (surprisingly good)
4. Wedges, if properly spiced
5. Good onion rings
6. Shoestring, if not limp
7. Bad onion rings
8. Bad wedges
9. Crinkle cut (zigzag) (usually unflavored and soggy from a bag, but can be better than soggy shoestrings)
10. Bad shoestrings
11. Sweet potato fries (always soggy and I don’t like sweet potato very much)

8,7,3,1,5,2,4,6

i do love sweet potato, but quite often it seems they dont fit.

6 is so low on the list, because I genuinely never had good ones. If someone serves crinkle-cut fries, they are always the most bland, soggy, frozen industrial ones they can find.

Similar goes for 2 and 4, although they usually dont taste as bland, they seem to have some seasoning on them.