180 seconds (3 minutes) is a hilarious overestimation of any fighter’s ability. Unless you’re counting the time it takes to bleed out.
Worked in Yellowstone for a summer.
Spent some time with the rangers. They got all sorts of questions…
Like which handgun caliber would be best to defend oneself from a bear.
Essentially, the ranger broke it down stating there was a weakness in the skull about the size of a bullet that you had to hit directly to have a chance of dropping a bear with a handgun. While its coming at you and pissed/hungry.
So essentially, you’ve just pissed off the bear before it gets it claws on you.
Well placed slugs from shotguns, rifle rounds, and preferably (according to the ranger in question) a tranquilizer to re-home the bear away from people. That being said, the bears are tracked to an extent and bears who show repeated behavior endangering themselves/tourists tend to be exterminated, sadly.
Hand to claw combat? Human is going down.
This is why in the past, when bears were hunted, they were hunted in their dens during hibernation - at the end of spears to keep that hungry bear as far away as possible from your soft easily rent flesh.
rent flesh
Are we still doing phrasing?
Snapping out of your fantasy as you’re being eaten alive is a bad move.
I feel like the other option is a Jacob’s Ladder experience
Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.
They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
That depends on the bear’s tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it’s one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it’s half a slap.
One
Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They’ll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.
The ancient drawing was by a caveman trying to convince his caveman bros that he could totally take a polar bear.
Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I’m armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
Maybe the targeted advertising got your location wrong?
And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.
Another reference, this time in 3D:
Me, 6’4" 235lb, that’s a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue
And there was a time that humans with stone tools were like yep I can kill that
Thats how we made it this far. Some absolute morons charge ahead and get themselves killed, while everyone else shakes their head. With some animals it works, surprisingly. Others we learn to keep away from- until the next moron feels like " hey, lets try that thing again!".
I mean we basically successfully hunted every animal on the planet. Wouldn’t say it’s fair to call them morons
Ahead of their time.
Nah that was their time. If you gave the average group of humans 40,000 years ago and an average group of modern day humans spears and told them to hunt a polar bear, the group from the past would be much more successful.
Obviously our technology today makes it an easier task, but I’m very impressed at what our ancestors were capable of.
Look up cave bears for a treat.
That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.
You have to use your 3D monocle for this one
That cub will fuck me up
It would.
Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.
They mentioned that in Tiger King and I just chuckled thinking that was the source of your reference.
That may be where I heard it. My memory’s not as good as it used to be.
Whatever that little thing laying on the rock would fuck me up.
Is that polar bear turd?
I could take the one on the fake boulder
Id say you could even make it 5 feet with the thing before momma caught up and turned you into a fine red mist
I need a gummy bear for scale.
Zoom in on my shirt, the ring around my neck is about the height and width of a gummy bear, or at least close enough to work as an average
Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
Turn around is a bad idea
If it’s brown, lie down
Oh, I had understood that to mean lay down facedown (with your back to it) since people usually have backpacks while hiking/hunting, and it provides some measure of protection.
I had heard it as turn around, but lie down makes much more sense.
Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn’t have a wrapper.
This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you’ve got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn’t choke to death on your Nikes.
Also.
Some black bears are brown.
Some brown bears are black.
Good luck everyone.
Polar bears have black skin. Polar bears are black bears.
Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
its revenge, actually. Justified at that.
Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.
Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
instructions unclear, bears are now on pcp
A gallon of pcp?
Didn’t even know they made it in liquid form
Science 🤷♂️
I dissolved it in Absinthe, seemed like a good idea at the time…
Everything’s liquid form eventually
Thanks for reminding me about this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tFUvmZWf4hI
good memories thanks for the link
why not?
That’s the spirit
Not even a little, bitty Pick-a-Nick key bump?
Cocaine Bear 2: Land of the Fresh Powder.
What kind of bear is that wearing the sunglasses?
Mama bear
Honey bear.
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.
We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Calling it that gives it too much credit, it is something thought up in the 17th/18th century without any concept of genetics and evolution.
Which might explain why it breaks down almost instantly under any amount of scrutiny.
It’s a category. All lines are arbitrary to a degree and “interbreeds and produces viable offspring” is not exceedingly arbitrary. You can have arguments around populations which could and would interbreed if they weren’t geographically distinct, you can argue about whether offspring needs to be viable no matter which way around the sexes of the parents are, or how large the percentage of viable offspring needs to be, but in the end, yep it makes sense to have a distinction somewhere around that bunch of criteria.
House cats and European wild cats are considered distinct species not because they’re genetically incompatible, but because they don’t interbreed to any significant degree – too many behavioural differences, and we’re not speaking about culture, here. So even if they could intermingle in theory in practice they don’t, so they stay separate, so they’re different species.
It’s kind of… a behavioural view on the genome? If you have a better idea, field it, there has to be some dividing line because taxa for the taxonomy god.
Hey, Mac! You still have that Halloween costume?
Biologists wouldn’t say they’re the same species, because biologists are aware of interspecies hybrids and the species problem.
So are Neanderthals and homo sapiens the same species then?
Close enough that we probably helped bred them out of existence. Neanderthal genetic markers show up with some regularity in certain modern human populations.
Edit to add: While humans didn’t breed them out of existence, we certainly did intermix with them. And that does help to maintain their existence yet today.
The number of confirmed hybrids has since risen to eight, all of them descending from the same female polar bear
She has a type.
She likes them brown boys
fun fact: polar bears have black skin.
Scary… Polar bears comming to my house! Slightly larger whiter Grizzlys still a problem.
There are tons and tons and tons of species that can do this. It’s not clear to me what the prevailing species concept is nowadays, if we’re even still following one.
In the near future, Polar Bears as a separate species will likely disappear, and we’ll have all hybrids.
180 seconds feels extremely generous tbh
Bear doesn’t view something our size as even remotely a threat. We’re assuming the bear isn’t hungry and just not that interested.
Your survival time would depend on how far apart you and the bear are, how’s fast you can run, and how angry or hungry the bear is.
Polar bears can reach 25 mph, I don’t see myself outrunning that.
Don’t run, you’ll just die tired.
Polar bears hunt even when not hungry because of the general scarcity of food in their environment
I bet they gives good hugs :3
It will keep you warm and cozy for the rest of your life!
Great source of vitamin A!
Also vitamin AA, AAA, and AAAA.
Duracel picked a wrong mascot.
enough to become toxic to humans.
Only once
