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You really know how to make that look hard.
“I hope your day is as pleasant as you are”
If you get mad, it’s an admission that you’re an asshole.
After Charlie Kirk, school shooting defender, got shot at a school I trotted out the old line:
“May we all get to live in the world we strive for.”
And, boy, did that make some people upset.
Kinda messed up to mock someone’s death tbh
I didn’t mock someone’s death. I simply said how wonderful it is when people get to live in the world they strive for. Someone who works to make the air cleaner living free from pollution. Someone who campaigns for food security never going hungry. Someone who fights tooth and nail to block any attempt to prevent children having their heads blown apart by a lunatic wielding an automatic rifle in school getting their head blown apart by a lunatic wielding an automatic rifle in a school. Someone who volunteers at a dog rescue for years getting to live on one of those dog rescue ranches. And so on.
Clutch them pearls harder. The reactionaries have been celebrating the death of LGBT+ folks for decades, were cheering at the assassination of Minnesota law makers, and other much more reprehensible things than us saying a bad guy got what he deserved and worked for.
Stop with the notion that a dead person is suddenly sacred, they’re not.
the interpretation of this one highly depends on the intonation. so writing this in text would be great
Hows the married life?
Oh you know, living the dream. Each day’s better than the next.
Holy shit that is brilliant!
Its from Something About Mary. Like the first scene between Stiller and the actor who plays the butler with the fucked up hand in one of the original Scary Movies.
Edit: Chris Elliot is the actor who says the line to Stiller.
My boss always just comments out with a smiley that something is amazing for every BS decision that the company makes
My boss (who is horrible) gave out little encouragement cards to everyone. I’m one of two especially vocal people in my department. We both got cards that say “You never cease to amaze me.” 🤣🤣🤣 I keep it on my desk as a badge of honor.
I was about to fire a guy that saw the writing on the wall and retired early. Everyone loved him, but he was terrible and just getting worse every day.
“You’re unforgettable!”
“You’ve made an indelible mark on us all, and this place!”
“Your replacement will have an incredible job ahead of them!”
I did thank him. A lot. I loved that he left!
They may feel they way about me. I got in trouble today for sending an email telling them what they need to buy for a classroom. “How dare you tell us what we need!! What do we need? Where do we get that?”
Back in the early 90’s I managed a Radio Shack and had an employee that could get away with murder talking to customers.
One day he was at the counter showing one of our regular customers programmable police scanners. One thing about this regular customer was he was dumb as a brick. He often brought back items because he flat out could not figure out how to use them. My employee was DETERMINED to sell this guy a programmable scanner, not the easiest bit of kit to use, and not have him return it. On the 4th time trying to show the guy how to program it my employee looked the customer straight in the face and said this gem:
“Don’t worry, you just have to be smarter than the product.”
Fortunately, he was the only customer in the store. I was standing at the other end of the counter working on a display when I heard that. I had to run to the back room before exploding with laughter.
The customer never caught on. He even walked out with one of the most expensive scanners and he never returned it.
that’s 👌🏼
You still have an opportunity to impress me.
He didn’t call me back
It’s impressive how you just say things out loud without a care about how it makes you look.
Yes, they took it as a compliment.
You’ve got nothing but potential
When I’m high
You have much to be humble about.
But don’t you have to be good at something to be humble about it? Being shit and saying you are bad is not really humble.
They have but two brain cells struggling for third place.
It’s great, but not very subtle
I guarantee that there are legions of people for whom this is exceedingly subtle.
Guess that makes it a pretty bad subtle insult
That’s downright Shakesperean!
I removed it because I didn’t think it qualified as subtle, but I rather like it.
Oh no, it’s subtlety lies in the sentence construction - it’s how someone like Jefferson or Jane Austen would’ve written it.
He’s only working with two tools and they are both screwdrivers
“That’s certainly a unique perspective.”
“Nobody’s ever tried solving the problem that way before.”
Also some paraphrased “what was it about <industry standard solution> that didn’t meet your needs?”
“That’s one way of looking at it” is a statement I have to make with unfortunate frequency.
You are impossible to underestimate
I’m in Texas and here’s it’s - Bless your heart.
A phrase that, depending on the context, can mean either:
“I am so sorry you’re having to deal with <insert-situation-here>.”
or
“You dumb bitch.”
