As an early 90’s millennial, I’ve never noticed a “gen z stare” as described in news articles like a “blank face that shows lack of social skill or ability to think”. The only times I’ve witnessed it happen and seen the older person accuse them of “gen z stare” is when the older person says something off hand or dumb but isn’t self aware enough to realize they’re being weird. Hell, I’ve given people a blank face countless times because I was taught it was better to say nothing at all sometimes. Especially when it came to talking to older people at work.
I remember when I was 16, some middle aged guy at work accused me of having no personality. In reality, I kept all conversations short as possible with him (like almost everyone in the store) because they were casually racist and misogynistic.
no. it’s just another thing to make people upset at each other. ignore what they say.
I’ve always interpreted the stare as a consequence of growing up where cameras (phones) are everywhere and nothing ever disappears from the internet. And as a result people who grew up under that are ALWAYS cognizant of this. So they express nothing because it could make for embarrassing video or photos. Being extra or try-hard are also considered bad. Everything is tamped down, socially. They are seriously just repressed, internalized.
Yes, there is a feeling of the world is now a panopticon and anything you do or say will be used against you and taken out of context.
I also think their lack of facial expressions is a result of growing up staring at screens instead of interacting face-to-face with people.
It’s collective PTSD. 1997. Keeping up with things feels like a marathon. It’s hard smile rn. It doesn’t feel appropriate rn. You Stonewall until the other person indicates how they feel, but sometimes you get two blank faces going back and forth. In general, we live in interesting times and I don’t want to het punched in the face because I smiled about Trump being a bitch.
I wish that term would not get thrown around so much like when a fat chick complaining she was delivered the wrong pizza, now she has PTSD. What you’re describing is not PTSD.
PTSD is from more than just war and sex abuse.
https://www.charliehealth.com/post/gen-zs-mental-health-crisis-collective-trauma
I’m well aware of what PTSD is, and that article is about depression. I dont give a shit about this supposed “collective trauma”. Edit- most of the people described in the article would be ethically diagnosed as having depression and/or potentially Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I have a BSc in Psychology and used to treat victims of serious crimes where the offfender(s) was convicted and received federal sentences at minimum 4 years +.
K. Well me and multiple of my friends are diagnosed with cptsd because of the insanity that is our world.
That’s why I specified ethical diagnosis. No ethical doctor in North America is going make a diagnosis of PTSD as per the DSM-5 simply because of upsetting world events. It would end up as (like I said) depression and possibly with generalized anxiety. People like yourself are being overdiagnosed with “CPTSD” as per ICD-11 and it’s not doing anyone any favors. You and your friends need to visit a war zone or a 3rd world country if you think you got it so bad. You don’t know what real trauma is; not by a long shot.
If you ended that with:
“lets turn that frown upside-down :)”
it would have been perfectionYou dont know what lead us to these diagnoses and it is incredibly ignorant and disrespectful to pretend you know better than actual doctors. I hope you never have a practice. You will do lasting damage.
You missed the collective memo! Everything that happens that is mildly upsetting is now traumatic and requires years of therapy to cope with… and yes, the barista who mispronounced your name at Starbucks did it DELIBERATELY to mess with you because they secretly HATE you… and it’s not at all your projection…
Really strange how many attribute their anecdotes to a wide ranging phenomenon afflicting only one specific generation.
like the stare I got when I told a grandson he should shovel snow for his grandma. did as much for my grandparents, regretably.
Nope. It’s always safe to ignore any articles about “kids these days”
Oh I take most “news” with a large grain of salt for sure. Just seems like such an odd thing to attribute to a single generation when everyone alive has probably at some point reacted with a blank face to avoid saying “you’re fucking weird”
Well hopefully a bit of salt and a lot of Yorkshire tea.
Perfectly balanced, Todd Howard!
It was only a few years ago that journalists seemed to realize that Millennials had jobs and kids. I’m thinking about college for my kids and “Millennials unable to adapt to the work force” articles are still being written. Bitch, we ARE the work force!
They all want to write a book and disrespects their elders.
As an elder millenial I might have some insight. You know how when we were kids people used to get all up in their feelings when you weren’t smiling. That’s this. “Gen Z stare”, is just “Resting Bitch Face” or “You look prettier when you smile darlin’” repackaged and rebranded. They’re mad that the young people in general and women in particular aren’t running around with goofy forced smiles on their faces to make them feel special.
Nah. The “Gen Z stare” is the blank-faced look we give people that we think are idiots. It’s not that we lack self-awareness…it’s you. Gen Z doesn’t tolerate stupid. We just can’t be bothered to call you out on it, because that’s drama we don’t need. So we just stare at you, instead.
I’m in my 40s and give dad that look when he lectures me about knowing more than the politicians. He’s been unemployed and supported by my grandparents for most of his life.
In fairness to him, most politicians are both stupid and paid to make bad decisions, so he’s sadly probably still right…
My sister in law is a conservative millennial and she does this anytime you mention anything negative about Trump
There are women Trump supporters? My God…
- 45% of women voted for Trump in 2024.
- Those 45-64 mostly voted for Trump.
- 80% of white evangelical women voted for him. https://cawp.rutgers.edu/blog/gender-differences-2024-presidential-vote
The last one makes some sense, since people who call themselves Christians are usually the ones who are least likely to live according to the sermon on the mount, and religiosity requires being dishonest and/or too stupid to distinguish between reality and wishful-thinking fairy tales.
Regardless of how you phrase it, it’s still a lack of social engagement.
Do you think you’re the only generation surrounded by idiots? Most humans have been idiots for all of history. Is just that without digital media you’re forced to live with those people your whole life. Retreating into a digital world for your social and intellectual support isn’t the flex you think it is.
Why should someone put up with dickheads who aren’t worth it?
That’s the “tradition”
We put up with our parents shit so now you get the same shit. But in a more mental health conscious society we understand passing on the shittiness to the next generation is abuse, not a right of passage. Also the whole worldwide lead poisoning from gas thing messed with a lot of peoples brain chemistry (allegedly)
It’s how you end up with sociopaths in powerful positions, noone calls them out on their shit and then one day they have fuck you money then you really won’t say anything unless you feel like mysteriously dying with no follow up investigation
Because society has decided parental rights override teenage autonomy. Runaway and they’ll call the cops, who will return you to them, or if they want to be asses, throw you in juvie. So you maliciously comply while expressing your utter disdain for them until you attain the age of majority, then you abandon them and move on with your life. At that point you become a wage slave, have to live somewhere, and much like Dark Helmet, realize you’re surrounded by assholes.
Exactly: society is full of dickheads, then people fuss when they’re treated as who they are like they’re entitled to more.
I don’t think you fully appreciate what it’s like to grow up with boomers for parents. Your generation can basically ignore them, without any direct interaction. All you lose, is a birthday card. We grew up with them in our face, every single day. You can’t argue with these people. All you can do, is stare at them like they’re fucking idiots…because they are. Confronting them, is next to impossible, unless you are prepared to go to war over the stupidest shit imaginable.
This isn’t our “social deficiency”. It’s theirs. We grew up with no way of communicating with a generation of Karens, other than deliberate non-engagement.
That’s exactly my experience growing up as a millennial. I think what you (and hater articles) are describing as a gen z thing is normal human behavior when caught in a situation with emotionally unhealthy people, especially if it’s an abusive power imbalance.
Boomers aren’t really the parents of Gen Z if that’s what you’re saying, except on the extremes (the youngest boomers with the oldest Gen Z and they had kids past around 40 years old). That’s mostly Gen X and older millennials who had kids young. I, as a younger millennial, have boomer parents and even they almost aren’t.
~(I typed this and had one of those “god, I don’t care anymore” moments, but it’s typed already so here you go)~
Gen X forgotten again 😭
Stares into the abyss…
If it’s not social engagement, then why are you experiencing a particular social signal from it?
A boycott or a strike is political engagement. Deliberately ignoring you is social engament. A blank stare sends a stronger signal than small talk: It means actually engaging with your ideas and judging you for them. Where small talk seeks to neutralize tensions with noncommittal affirmations, a blank stare communicates a boundary clearly and efficiently.
The issue is when people are so self-absorbed they treat everyone like idiots, so the “stare” becomes a default.
If someone says “good morning” and you just stare, you’re not “not tolerating stupid”, you’re rude. You know how much better you can make someone’s day by giving a friendly response? It’ll make your own day better too.
Yes it’s rude, but there are some people who think that insincerity, dishonesty, and wasting time is rude. They’re probably a minority even within Gen Z, and possibly just see the world differently from extraverts.
Congratulations, you’ve described a common human behavior that humans have been doing for all of human history. 😐
All this nonsense about this or that generation doing something incomprehensible to other generations is just distraction and noise meant to keep us attacking each other instead of coming together against the oligarchy that’s been systematically grinding us down for ever increasing profits.
This is the proverbial scrolled-too-far-down-for-this-comment
The various answers in this thread are just hilarious.
The stare is real; it’s when they work in a service position but don’t communicate. You walk up to the counter and instead of greeting you or asking how they can help you or saying anything at all they just stare at you. That’s the Gen z stare. It’s that simple and I’ve encountered it everywhere that employs younger people. It doesn’t bother me, you don’t have to do shit for a shit wage, but it does make interactions unnecessarily awkward.
The comment saying that Gen z just doesn’t tolerate stupid is hilarious. What percentage of your generation voted for Trump again?Huh maybe it’s cultural but I have totally encountered this with older people. Any time there is a ticket or info booth like at a train station, they are either staring or doing something else and I never know if I’m interrupting something. It’s the best when they fiddle with something looking very busy, and then they look at me annoyed that I’m not saying what I want from them.
It appears the same but it’s a different thing entirely. The older people are confused because they’ve been doing $THING the same way for 30 years and now $THING has changed and they’re struggling. I think that’s natural, and also kind of agree with them, because all these “self service kiosks” that are replacing people fucking suck ass by comparison to a live human being that is capable of thinking beyond a few decision trees.
The thing being talked about here is where people take jobs working customer service, where 50% of their job is to be a resource to the customers coming in that may have questions or need assistance, but are annoyed that they’re being asked to be a resource to the customers coming in because who fuckin knows why, and are displaying their annoyance by not being a resource to the customers coming in and staring at them like somehow they’re at fault for being a customer ruining their day for walking through the door.
So what if there are signs on the ceiling that say “Restrooms”? If someone in their 70s comes in and asks where the restrooms are, why is that so bothersome? I mean, if that’s the hardest thing you’re dealing with in your day to day count yourself lucky because kid, it ain’t gonna get any easier as you get older, not by a fuckin longshot.
Thank you! This is the part I cannot stand. If you want to sit and blink at me on the bus when I ask if the seat next to you is taken, hey, fair enough, Ill just sit down then and fuck you, I was just asking to be nice but aint no one sitting in it and you didnt open your mouth so now Im sitting in it and you can process that however you need to, not my problem.
But when Im at the store and ask where the paper towels are so I dont have to spend 20 minutes walking through a building that covers 40 acres, and get nothing but a dead ass stare, thats fucking ridiculous. Is having to point to an aisle really such a hardship that mentally it causes you to lockup?
Honestly I think this comes down to a lack of socialization. People arent learning how to function in social situations that arent curated for them ahead of time anymore and simply do not know how to communicate properly with strangers. Which is understandable, of course, but where it falls apart is when you willingly take a job to be in that position and then dont want to do what the job entails.
Thank fucking god a normal reply.
Sounds like poor training maybe
To a degree, I do agree with you. However, if you are of the legal age where you are even allowed to hold a job, period, you shouldn’t have to be trained on how to interact with human beings. That training should have happened long before you came to us looking for a job. If they’re even hired in the first place, they must have demonstrated that they are capable of having a conversation or else they wouldn’t have been brought on.
I mean really that’s the whole reason we do the interview…we don’t give a shit about their technical skills really, because that’s all stuff they will be trained on. What we give a shit about is that they’re capable of interacting with other people in a professional manner. If someone is sitting for an interview and just blinks at us whenever we ask them a question about their application, they’re not going to be offered a job. So its pretty clear that for the interview, at least, they demonstrated that they have that base skill or else I wouldn’t be training them in the first place.
So then why the fuck is it that all those skills they demonstrated they have during the interview evaporate the minute they’re on the payroll? Like do I really have to train someone that if the phone rings at their desk, they need to answer it? That if they receive a direct email from someone, they need to respond to it? That if someone asks them a question, they need to answer, and not just stare at them?
I can teach people the technical shit all day long, and literally do it all day long. But I should not have to teach them that a ringing telephone needs to be answered, especially if the job they were hired to do was, in part, answering the fucking phone. And there are people out there that still think that I should have to do that, or worse, that Im the jerk for expecting it in the first place. Just such a fuckin clown show all around.
However, if you are of the legal age where you are even allowed to hold a job, period, you shouldn’t have to be trained on how to interact with human beings. That training should have happened long before you came to us looking for a job.
The education system doesn’t teach shit on how to interact with human beings though, and even heavily discourages it by making it about individual skill and competing for the highest scores. Then throws them into the real world that functions completely different than what it teaches and floods people with various things that demand attention but giving attention to all at once isn’t possible and a lot of it is bullshit anyways. Everything becoming a suburban hellscape where you need a car and parental consent to do anything and people call the police on children or teens doing things by themselves and stuff being increasingly age restricted doesn’t help either. Meanwhile everyone still needs a paycheck whether they have those skills or not.
I think it’s that they lack environmental awareness because they are so used to staring into a screen all day. Like their brains lack the trained ability to be constantly over viewing their surroundings and using peripheral vision.
It also sucks because to get their attention you have to raise your voice or otherwise startle them to get their attetention, which like the other person said, makes it awkward and probably makes you seem hostile or demanding… when you basically have to be rude and demanding to get them to acknowledge that you want to place an order when they are literally face to face with you… but they are just spaced out.
Unless you are literally a child there is no reason for the person at the counter to greet you or ask how they can help, put on your big boy pants and just tell them what you need and move on, everyone is busy and no one has time to make you feel special, have your order prepared before getting to the counter, just say Hi can I have xyz and they will get it done, that’s all the conversation that needs to happen.
First, I’ve never noticed this “Gen z stare” thing, but you do need something when you walk up to a customer service person. Looking up at me, a little nod, a hello, something to let me know you’re ready for me to start the interaction and I’m not interrupting.
That’s what blows my mind with that specific argument…that people hesitate before just talking because it’s considerate. I appreciate it when Im in the middle of composing an email and the person standing at the door to my office gives me a second to finish the sentence Im writing. Im sure the people that are standing behind the counter have similarly been doing something that requires concentration and appreciated that someone gave them a minute to get to a stopping point before taking their attention away from it.
How the blue fuck that could ever be interpreted as “stupid” or “annoying” is completely beyond my understanding. Or how we’re just waiting for someone to say “Oh hi” or “Ill be right with you” or “Can I help you with something?” before interrupting their work is somehow, in itself, worthy of being treated the same as if you just came in dropping F bombs screaming at them.
So I guess that’s the disconnect for me…how they literally cannot see the difference between a bog-standard customer service type of interaction and someone legitimately being an asshole to them. To them, they are both equivalent. Anything that involves them interacting with someone they don’t feel like interacting with is some sort of slight or imposition. It’s totally fine to be that way in your personal life, but not when you’re standing at the fucking information kiosk at the hospital, being paid to work at the information kiosk at the hospital, where your job is…wait for it…providing information to people that come to you at the fucking hospital.
Lmao what? You are saying the person put specifically in a position to ask me how they can help me, or say hello, or just have a normal human interaction isn’t required to do that if I’m an adult? Wild.
I’m not saying there should be no acknowledgement of someone, but a simple hello or hi or even a head nod is enough. Stop expecting people to put on a fake smile and make small talk to make you feel good about yourself
I don’t go to the cashier to make small talk and I don’t really think too many people expect that either.
Im sorry but thats just not normal unless you are neurodivergent. We’re not robots. Honestly something is wrong if you dont even have mirror facial expressions.
I get dissasociating from a rude customer, but i ja e gotten that stare from a simple ass “hey hows it goin”.
Hey how’s it going is just an empty phrase that means Hi, you should not expect any response to that other than a hi back at most, unless you actually want to know how they are doing, and the answer to that is they are tired and miserable, which you would know if you ever worked a customer facing minimum wage retail job before. Just because people don’t have the energy for your bullshit doesn’t mean they are neurodivergent. In many other countries where employees aren’t forced to plaster a smile on their face the interaction won’t be anymore then this either.
Just because people don’t have the energy for your bullshit doesn’t mean they are neurodivergent.
Uh, actually, it kinda does mean that, because the vast majority of people aren’t so exhausted by responding to “Hey, hows it going?” with a normal, human response that they not only completely opt out of doing it but then go on the internet and complain about how unfair it is that they’re expected to behave in line with what is defined as ‘the norm’.
Here’s the questions you need to ask yourself: Why do I feel like being asked to engage with a person that is asking a normal question is equivalent to being forced to engage with someone that is treating me poorly? Why am I seemingly unable to separate the two, and conflate participating in social niceties with being abused? Why is the social equivalent of a papercut and a shotgun blast to the face the same in my eyes, and why do both generate a similar response?
But whatever you do, if you can’t handle being expected to respond to “hey hows it going?” with some variation of “not bad, you?”, for the love of Christ, please don’t willingly seek out employment where a key facet of the job is doing just that, or at the very least if you do, save the blinking and acting like Im inconveniencing you for asking a normal-ass question like “Is this the line to pay?” If you can’t even handle that, that is not at all the fault of the person on the other side of the dialog.
But whatever you do, if you can’t handle being expected to respond to “hey hows it going?” with some variation of “not bad, you?”, for the love of Christ, please don’t willingly seek out employment where a key facet of the job is doing just that, or at the very least if you do, save the blinking and acting like Im inconveniencing you for asking a normal-ass question like “Is this the line to pay?” If you can’t even handle that, that is not at all the fault of the person on the other side of the dialog.
Not everyone has the opportunity to get something that isnt customer facing. Most jobs created today are low wage service positions. People are tired and jaded at a world thats leaving them with a fucked up environment, no social safety nets, dwindling job prospects, increasing costs to live without rising wages, rising authoritarian governments all over the world. I get that those positions should have a bit more tact but I also empathize with those young employees who feel like the world has turned its back on them and so they are just doing the bare minimum to survive. The world is becoming less caring for its inhabitants are you really surprised those growing up in that environment are mirroring the treatment they get from the world back to you?
you should not expect any response to that other than a hi back
Yes, exactly. Everyone knows it’s a pointless platitude, the goal is to get an acknowledgement in response that you can further the interaction. When you don’t get that response it’s a problem - you don’t know if they’re busy, and the vast majority of people don’t want to be rude by just launching into your order (or whatever) just expecting them to be ready for it.
wait I thought they were just “staring into space” so how are we assuming they’re busy now?
I assume they’re busy - what you assume is your business, but “they’re busy” seems the nicest option.
Genuinely what is the proper response to ‘hey, how’s it going?’ Because that is not normal where I grew up but it’s normal where I live now and I always respond with something like “good, you?” Unless I know the person, which is obviously wrong because half the time I get no response lol HELP
“Good you” is the perfect response, its just a more personal version of Hi or Hello, no need to over think it. As for the second part if you know the person hows it going can just be a conversation starter, its meant to ask what are you up to, i.e. is there a light topic we can have small talk about that isnt going to be too involved. You can respond with something along the lines of “I’m doing good, such and such happened the other day that was nice, how about you.”
Yeah this is something I needed to adapt to as well. That phrase is not a question it’s just another way of saying sup or hi, you don’t need to answer it even with a cursory I’m good how are you, I just say hey or hi and move on to the next part of the conversation.
There is a huge reason for the person at the counter to greet you or ask how they can help: thats the fucking job.
I find it ironic that you’re throwing out lines like “big boy pants” when you could also do the same and get a job where you dont have to work customer service…you know, put on your big boy pants…and go get a job that doesnt require you to be a human facing worker.
“God I cant stand the smell of cooking meat!!”
“Then why do you work at McDonalds?”
“Stop being microaggressive!”
“But there are lots of other jobs out there where they dont cook meat, why not take one of those instead?”
“NO! Why should I have to change? McDonalds should change! And until they do, im going to bitch and complain every chance I get.”
“Oh, uh…okay, good luck with that I guess”
I stopped working retail a long time ago and the fact that you think people in certain jobs are worth less than you and should suck up and deal with shitty behavior speaks volumes about what kind of a person you are
Never said that. I worked retail for twenty years, dude. I went back to college in my mid 30s.
I know what the job is. I know what the expectations are. You need to examine why you consider both “Hey, can you help me find something?” and “You’re worthless to me and I don’t care about you” as equivalent in your mind, because that is the shit people are complaining about.
Nobody is telling retail employees they need to take abuse. What we’re telling retail employees is, being asked to assist a customer in itself does not constitute abuse, so please, hold the ire when I come to the customer service desk, the place that exists for that explicit purpose, and ask a simple question. That is literally what you are being paid to do.
As an elder millennial, I’ve neither witnessed nor even heard of this “phenomenon.”
It’s quite possible you’ve done it tho.im 41 and never thought about it until I heard about it. My CPU usually resets and just plays jenny talking to Forrest Gump on the bus. “Are you stupid or somethin?” And then I come back to reality and can function again, and respond in a manner that isn’t offensive. If my brain didn’t reset, it would respond with low RAM and i would invariably say something incredibly offensive.
mainstream media likes attributing negative things about younger generations and to try and keep this stupid generational war alive. i wouldn’t bother. talk to the kids and you will see they are fine.
Step 1: Get rid of these generational names.
Europe doesn’t have them. The USA only has them because whoever comes up with one gets invited to talk about what defines that generation, and with that a lot of money.
feels like dividing to conquer doesn’t it?
I think that’s just a “happy little accident”.
Don’t know about mainland Europe but, in the UK, generational names are definitely a thing. Stupid newspaper headlines about Millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha, are very common, unfortunately.
Agree about the idea of getting rid of them, judge people on what they do (the content of their character, if you will) rather than what age they are.
Do you know what the stupid thing about this is? Those generations are not the same between countries. Babyboomer for example are defined as people born between 1946 and 1964 in the USA. In Germany it’s 1955 till 1969. There are also people around talking about “Boomer” in asian countries, which had totally different experiences and demographics. The whole concept of those “generations” is trash and people thinking that there is a specific stare for everyone who was born in a certain timeframe is also an idiot
In Italy they are not really a thing. The media uses it sometimes but most people really don’t care
Every generation is like this at that age. The hallmark of my generation, GenX, was apathy. Not that I care. Whatever. Never mind.
Hello. Hello. Hello. How low?
No, hacks keep writing generation war articles because they’re stupid and lazy.
Even the “stare” is just a hack’s memories of general teenager movie tropes. I bet right now if I said “80’s bored teenage stares at character saying something stupid and weird” you know exactly what I’m talking about.
I’ve seen it a few times. Each time I immediately thought “damn this job must suck” and then later I realized I was the moron customer who asked a dumb question.
The thing is, even if you do ask a dumb question they should treat you with respect, right? And not make you feel bad about it, unless it’s perhaps offensive.
Remember when you’re mother told you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”? Well gen z kids raise by the kids rasied on that behavior. The second line in this societal meme. They don’t insult but they don’t give fake small talk to cover it. Maybe I’m projecting but i feel the gen z stare is the evolution of that mindset.
That’s a pretty profound theory, I completely see what you’re getting at. To the YouTube video-essay factory with you!
Yes. They work in the store and know all the things. Others do not. It’s literally not their job to know. It may seem dumb when someone doesn’t know something you have learned 100x over. You may even convince yourself that any normal person should figure some thing out easily. But everyone isn’t working in that store thinking about this stuff for 8 hours at a time and we are all busy living our lives. I don’t believe in being a dick to someone because you think their question is dumb. Frankly we are all smart at some things and dumb at others and the rule should be to have some grace with one another about it.
The water cups may indeed be right there dude but excuse the fuck out of me for not spotting them - I just walked into this restaurant and there are a million things to look at in here.
As someone who works in retail, the thing that pisses me off frankly isn’t so much the stupid questions (though yes those are annoying af), it’s the fact that most of the time customers don’t even attempt to figure it out before asking. A question pops into their head and they immediately ask someone. Maybe they should try to use that brain inside of their head before bothering a severely underpaid & overworked retail worker who can barely afford food on the table before asking such an inane question.
Stupid questions don’t bother me as much when I can be assured they who are asking them at least made an attempt to figure it out on their own first.
It also doesn’t help when I’m asked the same question fifteen times in a single shift. (No, I’m not exaggerating.)
Stupid questions don’t bother me as much when I can be assured they who are asking them at least made an attempt to figure it out on their own first.
You know, I kinda low-key hate this. I get why it’s your thing because I’ve also worked various retail and service/hospitality jobs, but still. I usually go out of my way to avoid having to talk to employees, but sometimes I don’t have the time, or my pain flares up and I lack mental energy to do that. In especially the latter case, which is getting more frequent, I just ask someone rather than spending 45 minutes looking with pain-glazed eyes that pass right over what I’m looking for. Same thing if I go to huge places I don’t normally go to. It’s absolutely, no question, a gigantic waste of my time to even try to figure it out rather than just ask someone who works there to look up where it is and point for me, 3 minutes tops. They don’t know where it is either, what hope do I have to guess right?
This is one of those “you don’t really know what someone is dealing with/has experience with” things. And it sucks on both ends, but at least from my experience in those roles, it helps to remember that retailers of all types have a nasty habit of changing store layouts periodically with the specific goal of making regular/frequent customers wander around looking for things they used to be able to find, just so they can briefly make more money on impulse purchases. They’ve even done studies to see how often people are willing to tolerate these layout changes so they can maximize it further. Maybe retailers shouldn’t keep forcing customers to use their whole brain (remapping, which will take multiple trips at full brain power. The effort also fatigues a person, which reduces willpower to resist impulse buys) for what should be a minimal-brain activity (routine habits exist to decrease mental load), and you wouldn’t have people who don’t want to further engage their brain just to find the pie crusts that used to be right here, damnit. The frequency with which they do this encourages people to just ask rather than look because it happens so much they’ve learned it’s probably not worth the effort. A form of learned-helplessness.
I can feel the overwhelm set in whenever I walk into a store to discover a changed layout, sometimes months after it happened. Half the time I just leave because I’m not prepared for that much effort, and I have the luxury to do so because I’m the only one impacted. If I had kids to feed or something the entire equation shifts dramatically, and I’d be in there, zombied, asking annoying questions.
Exactly. You are not in your element so even things that seem obvious might not be. It’s very easy to be wrong. And if you do the wrong thing, people will get made at you because “you could have just asked.” Do they really want customers in there all acting on their best guesses? I think that is a fool’s wish. I also don’t get the expectation that I will prioritize sparing the staff a small effort like speaking some info. I’m not taking a shit on the floor and making them clean it up. I’m asking a question. They’re literally paid to help. This is the job. It’s work. This is why they call it working.
Again. You think someone should be able to figure it out with the tiniest effort. But it really may not be so obvious to someone who doesn’t know what you know.
You are not alone here - all people struggle to truly visualize the mind of another person who doesn’t know what they themselves know. Sure you know whatever it is 1000 times over. But the customer does not, and they may have a totally different 1000 things on their mind.
People don’t want to take a guess when they can just ask. If you are in an area where customers can address you, you are there to help them. Why should they stop and guess to spare you effort? It is unreasonable to get pissed off by this.
Some think that respect needs to be earned. I think everyone deserves courtesy, but I wouldn’t blame someone for this stare when confronted by MAGA-level idiocy/sociopathy/greed.
I remember when I was 16, some middle aged guy at work accused me of having no personality. In reality, I kept all conversations short as possible with him (like almost everyone in the store) because they were casually racist and misogynistic.
lol sounds like an asshole to work with. I would have handled it the same way.
This guy was insane, we had an employee who came over from China for uni. A few of us are in the lunchroom eating one day then this guy walks in, takes an exaggerated breath in and says “SMELLS LIKE A CHINAMAN IN HERE!” this happened in like 2015. And he has the audacity to think other people are the ones with nothing going through their head.
New girl at work exists.
Asshole: “she’d be hot if she was white and blonde”
Dude, she is hot. And way, way out of your league.
Calling people out should be the norm
Dudes like 55, short, fat, bald and missing teeth and he’s judging a young woman like that? Gtfoh.
My guy was early 70s by the time I left and also fat. He was retired but worked part time, pretty sure it was to creep on young girls. Even the 14-16 year old dishwasher girls would say that he always mentioned their appearance, sometimes while he sat there watching them do dishes as he rubs his gut.
Everytime I was talking to a young lady customer he would walk between us and introduce himself. One day my girlfriend was in with her sister and we were talking, he butts in as usual and the 3 of us gave him the “gen z stare” until he walked away. Just thinking about him makes my blood boil.
My last boss was this way! Horrible way to go about living. I gave as little personal 1-to-1 time as possible. The more time he got from me the more he would slowly hint as his whacko conservative ways.
