I’ve been seeing poop in a path which is connected to the gates of my house. This has happened 3 times now over 1 or 2 weeks. When I saw the poop first, I thought it must be a dog. But everytime it dries (every 3 or 4 days), a mysterious pile of new shit is dropped on the old shit. It’s (very) black, very smelly and in the EXACT same spot!! Right on top of the dried shit!! I’m convinced it’s a human being. I’ve decided I’m gonna hide in some bushes nearby and catch them doing the deed. But what do I do then? What if they don’t care and continue doing it? How do I make them regret it without getting into trouble? It’d be nice if they couldn’t tell it’s me.
You observe the poop is literally black, and your conclusion is it must be from a human?
Human poop is black so why not?
No, it is not black.
How rural is your path? I discovered recently that big fat raccoon poops are very similar to human poops.
No raccoons here
Some sort remote controlled spring trap to fling the poop up onto their butt.
You could buy a toy camera. Pretty sure most people don’t want to shit in front of a camera
Can You Go to Jail for Pooping in Public? https://legalclarity.org/can-you-go-to-jail-for-pooping-in-public/
It’s possible for legal consequences if you can get video of them doing it.
Sounds like a territorial claim. You should probably do a bigger poop next to theirs in order to assert dominance.
Motion activated sprinkler. Works if it’s human or animal, something like The first result on Amazon, just an example not an endorsement off the particular product
Can’t they just rip it out of the ground?
Exactly what I though
As someone who’s actually had this problem (in an urban area) and actually solved it, here’s what I did: Changed the shape of my fence so the amount of privacy the serial shitter was afforded was significantly reduced. Changed the position of my gate so that it no longer opened near the convex corner the shitter favored. They found a better spot and moved on.
As someone who’s actually had this problem (in an urban area) and actually solved it
That’s honestly quite remarkable
it was a wild few months
Jump out of the bushes while furiously masturbating. Scream at them to “KEEP GOING I AM ALMOST THERE PINCH OFF THAT HAWT STEAMING LOAF DADDY”. Pretty sure one of two things will happen: Either they freak out, pull up, and high tail it out of there never to be seen again, or they lock eyes with you and maintain that connection through a slight squint and some grunts. Make sure you record it and post this to the internet.
one of two things will happen
So both outcomes are a win in this solution.
I second this, you gotta out weird them, I suggest covering yourself with peanut butter while doing what they said.
Keep going, I’m almost there
I don’t think it’s possible to outweird someone who shits in public
Skill issue.
Well, we know who’s house we can shit out front of now!
Do you want squirrels? Cause that’s how you get squirrels.
yes, yes I do! I need them for my Squirrel Navy.
Can you install a trail cam ?
Or just poop in that spot to show dominance!
Is size the only factor in asserting dominance, or does smelliness play into it as well? Do you have any diet recommendations?
You think someone is shitting outside in a public space and your plan is to surprise them in the act?
Form the annals of what could possibly go wrong.
I don’t know where you live, but I am going to assume it is suburban or rural, is it possible to light the area?
No it’s not possible. What could go wrong tho
You could meet the type of person to chronically shit on a public path
Or some fussy neighbor who doesn’t like OP’s lawn ornaments.
They may not want to be found out and get violent…I’ve seen some stabby-stabby videos and that shit can go bad fast!
I’d like to inform you that for shit matters there’s /c/shittyasklemmy@lemmy.ml.
Update: It turns out the solution to my problem is Read More Theory
Just… How many people are having the exact same problem??
A shitload
slowclap
Do you live in an area with lots of homeless? That seems most likely who would do that. Or some mentally deranged person. Either way, be careful with those types of people.
You could try the photography/videography aspect to bring them to justice or the classic scare and/or beat them with a baseball bat
What’s preventing a person bent on harassing you from coming back another day when you’re not home with a bigger bat? Why the need to incite violence here? There’s so many better ways to sort this, including a frank discussion, practical joke back at the offender and anything in between.
Those are valid ways to approach the situation too. I’m only suggesting more options that I hadn’t seen mentioned already
Raccoons like to poop on top of their old dried poop. raccoon poop looks a lot like human poop. especially when more than one animal is using that latrine.
in the forest they often do it where two trails meet.
think about that before jumping out of a bush.
and if it was a raccoon don’t handle that poop please. call animal control.
[edit to add] if you want some nightmares; google ‘pinworm human infection’ and then stay far away from raccoon droppings.
I’m from a place in an asian country where there is generally no wild animals. Wild animals are a spectacle here. There is dogs tho
Follow them home, yeah, but then just get a shovel. Then every time they shit on your sidewalk, scoop it up and put it on their own porch.
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Super soaker full of pepper spray/oil. Spray them in the any sensitive exposed area.
