I graduated high school in 2005, one out of some 300 of my graduating class. Had plenty of friends. Went to community college, several folks I knew from school went to the same community college, met plenty of new folks. Had plenty of friends. Transferred to university, had plenty of friends, got to know my roommates pretty close, that kind of thing.
Out of college, I disappeared into what I thought was going to be my career for a few years. When I came back up and looked around, I found myself in a different world with people that aren’t people anymore, there are walking talking eating shitting cell phone stands.
I don’t try to socialize for the same reason I don’t go hunting for Carolina parakeets: Interpersonal relationships aren’t a thing that exists in the world anymore. We killed them all and the corpse of the last one is on display behind glass at the Raleigh museum of Natural Sciences.
See how many people here share your troubles? There’s no shortage of people like you. The thing is, like you say, you have to stop putting up with people’s bullshit. When you notice bullshit, confront them with it, and if there’s no way of reconciliation, move on immediately, don’t try to “put up” with anything. From what you said it seems like you hold on to toxic people too long.
Also, have you ever thought about that you might also have “BS” that other people would have to deal with when they want to create a deep connection with you? Do sou think that’s absolutely impossible?
social batterysocial spicy pillow
Interacting with people is like any other skill. If you don’t do it badly at first, you’ll never get to the point where you can do it well.
I was an isolator who got a job where I was dealing with everyone in a public health facility. By ‘everyone’ I mean everyone from doctors and police to homeless schizophrenics.
It was sink or swim, but I got the skills.
I was very social when I was younger. Worked retail jobs from 15-23. I didn’t have and technically still don’t have a problem talking to whoever, whether it’s a crackhead at the library or a prof at school. I just got to a point where I couldn’t handle the abuse from family, being betrayed by my ex of 7 years, serious health issue, and noone wanted to help me through it regardless of what kindness I showed them in the past. Really woke me up to people’s bullshit, smile to your face but consider you an annoyance when you’re down and out. Made me really reconsider what I wanted to spend my few years on earth doing. Putting up with people, or providing myself with peace and security.
Edit: what I’ve found about being a forgiving person is that you can forgive someone for 100 of their faults but when the last straw breaks the camels back, you are automatically an anti-social asshole because you have a limit to how much BS you can handle
Let’s break it down.
First, what kind of ‘peace and security’ are you going to have without other people? Even if you manage to amass a vast fortune, you’ll need some kind of caretakers.
Second, you act as if every single person you interact with is out to get you. You had a lousy family and apparently one adult relationship that floundered after 7 years. That sounds about average, tbh.
As for your health issues. Have you looked for support groups of people with the same problem?
I find a lot of peace in limiting my social interactions because a lot of people like to make assumptions and act like they know my life better than I do. In this world, money is directly correlated with security and being in healthcare I’m sure you already know the difference in quality of healthcare between someone with and without the means to afford it.
You’re exaggerating and putting words in my mouth that every single person I interact with is out to get me. I hope you aren’t in mental health with that kind of approach. I had and still have a lousy family. Are you making assumptions about my relationship history or did I tell you that I’ve only had 1 adult relationship?
I’m not looking for support groups, I was stating a part of why I lost a lot of faith in people.
Have a good night
I just got to a point where I couldn’t handle the abuse from family, being betrayed by my ex of 7 years, serious health issue, and noone wanted to help me through it regardless of what kindness I showed them in the past.
Have a good night.
For me, it’s more like:
My social battery has been dead for a while and I can’t moderate my behavior enough to get new people to put up with my bullshit.
Mucho self-aware. 👌
That’s why I hate the insertion of “mindfulness” into every type of self-help.
Motherfucker, did it ever occur to you that my hyper-awareness of shit is part of the cause of my problems?
Sometimes mindfulness is more of a soft awareness. Not really thinking or knowing about anything in particular.
I also don’t like how it’s used, because I have the same problem as you describe. It reminds me of trying to maintain a stoic perspective, being non-intellectually aware of sensations in your body, and trying to focus on what you can control.
I wonder if “human BS” is just the frustration that real human communication is less convenient and demands more attention than the other forms of communication we’ve gotten used to.
Email also requires a lot of “human BS” to avoid conveying an unintended tone without being able to directly address it.
I think that applies prior to texting, social media, video calls too though. Except back then, I could avoid people by either not giving them my number or saying I wasn’t home when they called.
Now you’re expected to have your phone on you at all times, then little Jimmy from elementary school finds you on social media and wants to know if you’re interested in essential oils.
Yup. It’s part and parcel of my autism.
i was going to say this.
are you me? lol
You can’t prove I’m not
dang! got me/you there. i didn’t know i/you was that smart. lol
Part of me is convinced this a joke for one guy, switching between two accounts, just laughing to himself. Like it’s some kind of inside joke. And by “inside” I mean “inside his own head”.
With a 3rd alt for misdirection and a 4th alt for plausible deniability.
There must be loads and loads of autism types. I see comments like this on Lemmy across the board. When I think of autism I think of truly slow autistic people. Can you explain deeper? I’ve looked online but there’s a lot of wildly conflicting information.
Sure. This guy was extraordinarily helpful for me.
I’m wired wrong for most social interactions. It’s a serious problem, and my attempts to overcome it generally make it much worse. But “accepting myself” means accepting unemployment, and then how can I pay rent? (Currently unemployed and living with family).
However, I don’t think people’s social behavior is all BS. I try not to be resentful. I know there’s lots of BS, but I also know that’s what becomes most obvious to me, so it’s partly a matter of perception.
Mind elaborating on how you’re wired wrong? Genuinely curious to see which, if any, traits we share.
Sure. There are layers to it. If I socially interact for a few hours then I’ll become exhausted, probably cranky. A psychiatrist said I have ADHD, and the sensory input of multiple persons being around is too much. Social environments tend to be overwhelming.
I also have a social phobia. I don’t think it’s genetic, since I didn’t have it as a kid. But my teenage years (11-18) were severely isolated, and full of humiliation and severe loneliness. I just never recovered from that. I spent my 20s trying to learn, forcing myself into all these social environments, but it was mostly just a torturous cycle of collapse.
I over-rely on my sense of humor, and this often causes problems. Most of the time it works really well (people like to laugh, and they appreciate a good joke), so I can make a very good first impression. But when it comes to “actual” social interaction, I simply have no idea what to say, like ever. I can negotiate well on other people’s behalf, and I’m good at explaining things, but in open-ended social situations I tend to be weirdly quiet or else I say horribly wrong things without realizing it. I’ve experienced multiple instances of people doing prolonged campaigns of social warfare against me because I accidentally insulted them, and they recognize my vulnerabilities. I’m terrible at reading non-verbal communication (this isn’t just a product of social anxiety or phobia… my brain just doesn’t pick up on these things, doesn’t know what to do with them). So basically I’m not a social creature. Some people actually have thought that I was mentally handicapped (or experiencing cognitive decline, or that I’m “on drugs”) because I just don’t respond like an intelligent person. But then I’ll go to “therapy” (what a disgusting joke) and they’ll see how well I can explain myself, and they’ll declare me to be fine. Clearly no problems with “communication” (but socializing isn’t just explaining things to a person).
I could go on and on, but that paints a picture.
I have something like your problem. I try to be really patient and caring, but it’s gotten to the point where I have a reputation among my friends and family for it. Now I have more people to support than I can handle emotionally. My battery isn’t dead, but now it’s like blowing a breaker if the draw on any given day is too much.
Caregiver burnout is a thing. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm
Really like this. Is that from somewhere?
It sure is, but I have no idea from where. Picked it up online long ago.
yes, but i am also becoming more tolerant of personal quirks as i’ve learned of my autism and how it impacts my socializing. i worry nobody likes me and tend to avoid conversation. i want friends. i have some, but more would be nice. something genuine and deep but equally as stupid and silly and shallow.
To be fair many people out there are just becoming more horrible and its not worth your effort ;)
It’s impossible for me. I always turn into the personal therapist. I see too much. And I can’t help it. Just ended a friendship over this because it was exhausting to maintain.
Cursed with empathy
kicks you in the balls
Yes.
Want to be friends, but then never talk? Like ever?
Sounds like my kind of friendship. I’m in!
