Ok so I cheated on my boyfriend, it was sporadic here and there it was largely due to my xan addiction but I have kicked that and been cali sober for a few years. Speaking of Cali, my boyfriend inherited a house in the San Jose Valley, it’s a nice house pool 3 stories counting basement it cost like a lot even though in Ohio it would be 300k max.
So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to. I have a ton of stuff planned but what do you suggest in terms of things to do and mindset to have ?
TBH, you sound like a gold digger. He would do well to NOT get back with you.
A gold digger would not give her boyfriend 25% of her monthly income.
That’s irrelevant. He got a sizable inheritance then you’re trying to get back with him. That’s hella sus.
Being honest - it doesn’t sound like you love him, but rather want to stay in his nice house.
Regardless of if you love him or not, that trust that’s needed for a stable, long-term relationship has been obliterated. Every single thing you do will be questioned, outloud or at least subconsciously. That is not going to be good for a healthy relationship.
I’d suggest that if you want to be in a happy and healthy relationship, it’s probably a good idea to move on from this one. Take time to reflect and ask yourself why you cheated on this guy - obviously you were unhappy enough to seek someone else, but what made you unhappy in the first place? It could be something about them, but it could be something about yourself too - in which case, you might want to talk to a therapist
If you did want to get back with your ex, I’d suggest giving him space and letting him decide if he wants to come back to the table, and when he wants to. If you seriously like him, don’t see anyone else until he decides what he wants to do; but put a time limit on it for your own sanity. Then, after the time is up, give up on the relationship and move on. Tell a friend of yours about your plan so they can help keep you accountable in case you may not be in the right frame of mind
Totally agree with this assessment and this advice. Well said!
I do love him and we had technically gotten back together before he inherited
Second me and him have worked out an agreement he gets 25% of my onlyfans revenue a month and it’s just my rent. This was a big issue for both of us because I do see why he does’t find it fair and I did do it while we were together without telling him.
At first I was bummed about the rent but now I have accepted it. I like the idea of pulling my weight he had ore stable employment then me so he helped me a lot even for rehab so I owe it t him. Also his best friend wanted to stay with him and offered him 2k a month I make a bout 5k a month so it’s less but still. The way I see it I get cheaper rent then like anywhere else in the San Fernando Valley and it goes to my boyfriend not some greedy landlord.
Also we don’t want to break up. I have been through so much with him and he has done so much for me. He likewise knows that dating is hard especially where we live it’s not like he has girls sliding into his dms to replace me.
He has gifted me the gift of reconciliation and I will not take it for granted I have so much to give
Sounds like a horrorshow! Good luck to you both!
I gotta believe this is a troll post
I agree. I’m not sure why even felt the need to reply lol
Either this is a bit or America is cooked.
why would America be cooked ?
What is even wrong with what we are doing >
Once a cheater always a cheater. You’ll do it again.
Also sounds like you’re just wanting his house. I hope he doesn’t take you back, honestly.
Edit: OP does onlyfans too……yeah nah just leave the poor guy alone.
He wants me and all the fun times and wholesome memories we will share together.
Even shifting away from the sappy hallmark stuff for a second. I am ok with him fucking other girls he isn’t going to find that from any other girls. I trust him I know he loves me and he deserves to have fun.
And you just wanting his house and to not be alone.
Men don’t want what you’re offering. Men don’t want cheaters who do onlyfans. Well no good men do.
“Wholesome memories” lol. Good one.
Well he is wback with me also tons of men date women with onlyfans.
He gets tons of fun perks
A lot of sex including kinky roleplay like ddlg,rp and ap to make him feel powerful
Dates and sex with my female friends
Money, I am his paypig how many men would kill for that
I’m sure he is. I don’t believe any of this story for one second.
Go to couple therapy
Are you a woman ?
Ok find a random male friend in your contacts or your snapchat and offer to be their girlfriend and if they say yes you wll give them money and sex. He will say yes. Everyone loves money men love sex
We will, also I have all sorts of fun stuff lined up for him.
I will set him up with other girls, I didn’t even let him watch porn when we were first dating boy how things change.
I will be more sexually and emotionally available.
I want to be his best friend and do more stuff with shared interest in the like. Watching shows and playing games together
You need to rebuild that trust that was destroyed by the cheating and the breakup. You should also have a long talk with your boyfriend about any unhealed wounds from that time. If you’re going to make it work, a lot of communication needs to happen and keep happening. It sounds like you made a good first step by identifying part of the reason you cheated and fixing it!
So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to
I’m a bit concerned about this. These are natural parts of a breakup and really aren’t good reasons to get back together, since it could just as easily be an inability to get over each other. Also seeing your comment in reply to another
Also we don’t want to break up. I have been through so much with him and he has done so much for me. He likewise knows that dating is hard especially where we live it’s not like he has girls sliding into his dms to replace me.
It gets more concerning. It sounds like both of you want to stay together because you don’t want to be alone. A healthy relationship is one that all parties can leave at any moment but choose to stay because they want to. You don’t want it to be like an addiction where you say you can quit anytime but really you can’t because you won’t be able to handle the withdrawal.
I think a healthy mindset for this is that being single is ok. Breaking up will be ok, eventually. I’m not saying you should break up and be single, but just you should be aware that if you’re wondering why you’re putting up with your boyfriend, it’s because he’s adding more than being single (with friends and maybe casual sex) can to your life. If that’s ever not true, run.
I want to add some other context, so this boy is just a great person. He is the one that got e t quit, he worked overtime to pay for my rehab at a nice in person cent and I loved it so much it’s what got me to quit and I still have friends from there. He help tutor kids he is just good.
He also has not had a great life, he has moderately wealthy parents but they were obsessed with making him earn everything. They made him get a job at age 15, that doesn’t sound too bad but this job was installing hvac systems uner houses in the california summer. He had to crawl under houses deal with hvac tubing insulation and yes bugs and snakes. Also his dad died as a teenager
The reason I bring this up is because I have as I gotten sober did more thinking on the world and doing the work to make a change. The thing I hate most about life is bad people win, Trump,Elon Musk,Jeff Bezos the works. I feel by making the small sacrifice of having a sub optimal relationship dynamic I am making it so that for once the good guy wins.
Again I have not always been the best girlfriend or even person. I was an addict I stole and sold to support my habit I cheated on him several times I was hypocritical not letting him watch porn while I cheated on him was sexually stingey .
I feel I have something to make up for and I will not run I will face the consequences of my actions
Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women, I am taking on that burden to make it up to him
Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women
Ok this is definitely a troll post.
That is objectively correct, do you really want to dispute this basic fucking fact ? Yikes just Yikes
It sounds like you’ve found a great guy, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to let him go. I hope he sees just as much greatness in you.
I feel by making the small sacrifice of having a sub optimal relationship dynamic I am making it so that for once the good guy wins.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, but if this is what you both want then give the relationship dynamic (not the fire thing) a try. I also can’t help but notice that all of your examples of bad people are in the USA – you might find a more optimistic outlook in Europe or in other developed countries.
Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women, I am taking on that burden to make it up to him
Please don’t ever believe this. It’s just internalized misogyny. If you’re in a relationship where you’re giving more than you’re getting, that’s a horrible relationship and you should leave.
Please don’t ever believe this. It’s just internalized misogyny. If you’re in a relationship where you’re giving more than you’re getting, that’s a horrible relationship and you should leave.
I find this accusation funny because I am a feminist and I used to be misandrist in that sort of tumbler way I didn’t like mean it but I said a lot of stuff that hurt him and of course I cheated.
I think this lead to me self sabotaging our relationship because I loved him but felt like showing it was selling out. I did a lot of stupid stuff like the no porn rue, I said that I preferred penises larger then his in front of him to a friend (I was lying and I apologized afterwards) and I even tried charging him for sex because I felt men didn’t appreciate a woman’s value and I was a big believer in that dworkin quote that a husband is basically a john.
I find this accusation funny because I am a feminist
How you can be for equality of sexes yet still think one’s benefits are more important than another in a relationship? I’m mansplaining and gatekeeping feminism to a woman on the internet. Wow, you got me, I am definitely an asshole.
I think this lead to me self sabotaging our relationship […]
You also might want to reflect on how all of the things you describe in this paragraph would actually qualify as emotional abuse of your boyfriend, not self-sabotage. This is really dangerous because getting back together with your boyfriend might make you both fall into your old ways, which can include the addiction and the abuse. I hope you’ve recovered enough for that to not happen.
Anyway, I’m going to stop talking before I make more of an ass of myself. Just know that there’s always people you can reach out to if you need help or for a random chat on the internet. I should go to bed. Goodnight.
The way you wrote this sounds sus. It sounds like you suddenly want to get back with him because he got a huge house in cali.
