I tried making a Reddit account and it asked me to build karma before I could ask on any of the relevant subs so I’m posting here.
I can personally say that if anything goes up there, it hurts, and not in a good way. It does not feel pleasurable at all. It feels kind of like placing a finger on an open sore and pushing down.
Also, if you’re being examined, they tell you to take deep breaths, as if they know that anything going up is going to be painful. If sex is supposed to be pleasurable and enjoyable, why would doctors tell you to brace for impact, so to speak?
Lastly, women often scream during sex. It’s often said they’re screaming out of pleasure and not pain. But there are a lot of things I find extremely pleasurable, but I don’t scream while I do them.
Is it just one of those things that is painful but we’re conditioned into believing the pain is actually pleasure and I must have inconsistent pain tolerance and I am making a big deal out of this?
This definitely sounds like vaginismus from the body of the post and from the comments.
What helped my spouse was dialators. We went to an adult store for ours so we could talk with a clerk about what we got, but Amazon and a million other places have them as well. Kits come with various sizes, and you’ll start small and work your way up. That and weed for relaxation.
Also, hollow (i.e. with no rigid core, just a penis shaped rubber balloon) inflatable dildos work really well for that.