Some days I open Instagram and it feels like everyone is winning except me.

New job. New car. New trip. Someone’s “6 months of consistency” post. Someone else casually mentioning their salary hike like it’s nothing.

And for a few minutes, I genuinely feel like I’m falling behind in some race everyone else is running faster than me.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s not just comparison, it’s jealousy. Real, uncomfortable jealousy. The kind you don’t want to admit out loud because it feels petty, but it’s there.

Then I remind myself of a few things.

Nobody posts their bad days. The rejection emails, the loans, the burnout, the fights, the doubt at 2am, none of that makes it to the feed. What we’re comparing ourselves to is a highlight reel, not a full life.

Everyone’s timeline is different. Someone’s “success” at 22 might be someone else’s struggle at 22, and that’s fine. Racing against a timeline that isn’t yours is a losing game by definition.

The feeling is normal, but it’s not information. Jealousy tells you something matters to you, it doesn’t tell you that you’re behind. It just means you want something. That’s worth noticing, not spiraling over.

I don’t have this fully figured out. I still catch myself comparing sometimes. But I’m trying to remind myself that a feed is not a scoreboard, and I’m not actually competing with strangers online.

If you’ve ever felt this way, how do you deal with it? Genuinely asking, not just venting.???

  • Aeri@lemmy.world
    2·
    6 天前

    Because you’re not seeing their lives, you’re seeing a photo box.

    If you wanted to you could come up with your own wonderful life of your own specifically for Instagram to chase clout as it were.

    Nobody posts how shitty their life is typically.

  • slazer2au@lemmy.worldEnglish
    19·
    9 天前

    Stop comparing yourself to the ideals that others are presenting as norms.

    The whole point of those platforms is to sell yourself as being better then others so the platform can then place ads that make you think those products will help you reach the same place you just saw.

  • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world
    17·
    9 天前

    Instagram exists to make you feel like that.

    I would genuinely uninstall it if it ever has you wondering these things. People’s number 1 criteria for whether they should post something to instagram is “will it make people think i’m hitting a milestone in my life??”

    You make a good point when you say nobody posts their bad days. I suppose, counter-intuitive though it may seem, that people who post more bragposts are actually having a harder time, hence why they need to bragpost more often.

  • Jackhammer_Joe@lemmy.world
    14·
    9 天前

    Some days I open Instagram

    That’s the problem.

    It’s literally in your hands to solve your problem. Don’t compare yourself to others and delete social media. It is that easy.

  • Tomtits@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    12·
    9 天前

    I deleted all that shite.

    It’s nice not subconsciously comparing myself to people I don’t know anymore.

    I got the the point where I just didn’t give a fuck about people’s holidays, offspring, cocktails at some pijo bar etc.

    This song always makes me feel better

    https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

    Promise it’s not a rickroll.

      • sunsofold@lemmy.zip
        11·
        6 天前

        If you were ‘connected’ via instagram, you were not connected. You were pretending.

        • Spacehooks@reddthat.comEnglish
          1·
          6 天前

          Probably accurate statment. It was nice to see what family members were doing but soon as I stopped it stopped mattering. Though even if it was pretending, liking photos and commenting felt like some involvement in their lives versus the 0 I do now.

          • sunsofold@lemmy.zip
            21·
            5 天前

            Call them. Talk as humans with your mouth flaps. It’s weird now because people have fallen out of practice, but it’s always still an option to just connect like people have for thousands of years, and feels so much more meaningful than poking a like button.

            • Spacehooks@reddthat.comEnglish
              1·
              5 天前

              Yeah that’s the answer but like I feel so weird about it. Used to be easy when we were kids but now ppl have variable schedules.

              Like my SO has to schedule calls 3 months in advance with friends and then they talk whe. driving. I don’t think there has ever been a call where the friend was not driving somewhere. Another friend cant talk before 9 pm because of kids and we are in bed at 8pm. Its just one excuse after another.

              • sunsofold@lemmy.zip
                1·
                4 天前

                People always had variable schedules. The phone has always been a disturbing projection of one’s presence into another person’s home or office. But if you want to have connections to people who don’t live in your house, you pay the price of a few seconds of unreasoning terror as you listen to the ringing and think 'Oh, gods, I’m such an asshole for invading their lives. What if they’re trying to put out a grease fire and my phone call makes them feel like they have to let their house burn down with their pets and kids in it to answer my pathetic, needy demands for their attention? What if they’re having sex and answer anyway so I’m just this disembodied presence in the middle of their coitus? What if they–" and then they answer and are happy to hear from you. Even if they don’t spend six hours on the line, letting them know you had a joke to share with them can make both of your days better and you can say, ‘No worries. Call me back when you’re on the road and we can BS about ostriches for your half an hour of commute time. It’ll at least be better than listening to the news.’

  • kboos1@lemmy.world
    10·
    9 天前

    First off, you’re on Insta or Facebook, most people are only on there to brag or beg. It’s toxic, get off of there.

    Second, life sucks. You could have been dealt a crap hand in life and have to work harder than those you associate with. Maybe you made some bad choices and you need to work your way out of that. No way for me to know.

    Life is about compromise and you don’t know what they gave up or the life lottery they won to get to where they are.

    The point is, it’s all a mask. As corny as it may sound, you need to determine what goals you need to set, figure out what you need to do to obtain those goals, and you be the winner of your story, not they be the winner of yours.

  • SpacePanda@mander.xyz
    10·
    9 天前

    I know this had been said, but, none of it is real. As you said its the highlight reel. I am drowning, but, everyday I wake up I count 10 things I’m grateful for. Comparison is the theft of joy.

    • nerdspice@lemmy.zip
      4·
      9 天前

      Comparison of the theft of joy.

      I’ve never heard it stated that way before but I believe it to be true.

  • Weirdfish@lemmy.world
    61·
    9 天前

    For perspective, me at 22. Kicked out of the military, recently divorced, and living on a couch in my parents basement.

    By any measure, I was WAY behind anyone else I knew.

    Now, at 50, I have a job I truly love, a nice apartment with just me and the cat. Have a couple motorcycles, game consoles, and my time is my own.

    I’m not rich, but I make more than I spend in a given month, have enough savings that I’m not living paycheck to paycheck, and an emergency expense won’t ruin me.

    It took a long time to figure out what happiness looked like for me, and to stop judging my life by those around me.

    Sure, my siblings are more “successful”, but I can’t say they seem happier than I am.

    I don’t use any social media aside from Lemmy, I don’t follow anyone, and experience people the old fashioned way, in person or through phone calls.

    Look around your life and see the things you do have. Not to post, just for you to recognize.

    Think about what it is that makes you happy, both day to day, and in say a five year plan. Make a goal, make it achievable, and then do it. Just for you.

    Go see a live show, buy yourself a present, take a short trip to see a place you’ve never been, invest in a new hobby, take up a musical instrument.

    And for fuck sake stay away from AI chats and social media!

  • Hermit_Lailoken@lemmy.worldEnglish
    4·
    9 天前

    Don’t forget that some people are handed everything. They are winning on the coat tails of their parents or whomever.

  • silly_goose@lemmy.todayEnglish
    4·
    9 天前

    You are still alive. You have a smartphone and a data plan. You are clearly educated. You are healthy enough to think and type.

    So realistically, I’d say that puts you miles ahead of most humans of the past and the present.

  • Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org
    3·
    9 天前

    I genuinely feel like…

    That’s because you have decided to feel like that.

    (Yes, I am implying that you can decide the other way now, but I did not say that this would be an easy thing)

  • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    9 天前

    I mean, I think you more or less have it figured out, as you outlined in your post. Now you just need to do the work - whenever you feel the feeling of “I’m falling behind, its a disaster!” or “They have a new car and I don’t and I want it, its not fair!”, just take a moment (personally, I count 5 natural breaths as a convenient timer) to notice how the feeling actually feels. The physical sensations, the kinds of thoughts it brings up, the other emotions it brings up - be interested and curious about the feeling itself. The longer you can sit with the feeling like this - just feeling, noticing, being interested and curious - the more likely it is to feel heard and take its leave. And as you complete this practice over and over, the feeling is more likely to feel its mission is complete, and not come around to worry you.

    • sandhu@thelemmy.clubOP
      1·
      9 天前

      This actually makes a lot of sense, thank you for laying it out. Could you break down how you actually do the 5-breath practice in the moment? Like, do you close your eyes, keep doing whatever you were doing, or fully pause? And when you say “notice the physical sensations,” are you talking about things like a tight chest or racing thoughts, or is it more subtle than that? Want to actually try this properly instead of doing a half version of it…

      • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        9 天前

        I find closing my eyes is helpful for focusing on the sensations, but if this would be weird or dangerous (eg, in the middle of a conversation or while driving), I will do my best without closing my eyes. Same with stopping what I am doing, etc. I feel like this technique has the greatest immediate effect when I can stop whatever I’m doing, sit down, and focus on the feeling entirely for an indefinite period of time. But I think the most important thing for long term progress is simply noticing the feeling in the moment and allowing yourself to feel it, even if just a little, for just a fraction of a second.

        So to do it properly, I suggest not trying to do it properly. Just do it, but do it as consistently as possible.Then if you feel the urge, carve out 5 minutes per day or a couple times per day to specifically remember the feeling, and feel it uninterrupted.