i only feel sexual attraction towards my partners, and they have to be sexual first. if they’re not sexual people, i only feel romance to them and no sexual feelings. i frankly don’t wanna bang anyone and have never felt like actually doing so until i met my partner, and even then, it’s more out of curiosity and romantic sparks than anything else (i’m super romantic so i’m not aromantic).
i only feel sexual feelings under certain circumstances, and even then, i use it to make myself happy and not really wanting to have sex with someone.
i am sure i feel sexual attraction, like probably towards my partner, but i’d say less so than most people do, perhaps???
i’m demisexual for now which is on the ace spectrum.
There’s no queer police coming to dictate who isn’t valid.
Fuck/don’t fuck whoever you want, you’ll always be valid.
#NoQueerCopsAtPride
The Vegan Police, on the other hand, are very serious business.
There’s no queer police coming to dictate who isn’t valid.
Yet
Sexualities are only useful as options on the dating app.
Whether you describe yourself as “asexual” or “demisexual” (or "straight’ or “gay”) only matters when you’re looking for a new partner and need to choose how much “what do you mean by that” you want to put up with.
Don’t worry about labeling yourself or otherwise over-complicating things. It’s not what defines you.
You are 100% valid.
Asexuality is a massive spectrum, not a narrow box. Most of us see Ace as a big tent that covers anyone who experiences attraction differently, rarely, or only under specific conditions. It isn’t an all or nothing thing.
What you described, needing a romantic bond first, is the core of demisexuality. And that bit about only feeling it if your partner is “sexual first”? That’s actually a specific thing called reciprosexuality. Both are widely recognized and respected parts of the Ace community.
One thing that helps a lot of people is separating attraction from action. You can participate in sex for curiosity or romantic intimacy and still be asexual. It’s about that internal pull (or lack of it), not the act itself.
Labels are just tools to help you navigate your own life and find your people. They are not cages you have to fit into perfectly. If calling yourself Ace or Demi feels right to you now, then it is yours to use.
Asexuality isn’t a diagnosis, it’s a method of self identification.
If you feel like you identify as ace then you are.
Labels are meant to help you navigate and exist in the world. If it’s achieving that, it’s the right label!
No, they can be useful for helping a person find their identity but first and foremost they’re descriptors. You shouldn’t be claiming to people that you’re blue eyed if you don’t have blue eyes even if you’ve lived your whole life thinking you did until just recently after looking in the mirror for the first time.
It doesn’t sound like calling yourself blue eyed in that circumstance would help you exist in and navigate the world…
Only if you consider lying to yourself and others helpful for navigating the world
That’s why sexuality labels and identity labels are best when they’re self chosen. People get to decide for themselves what helps and what fits. And part of that whole process is dealing with other people offering their opinions, whether you asked for them or not. That stuff impacts the labels people choose and/or the labels people choose to share.
Right but self choosing a label doesn’t mean that you define what that label means or if it applies to you. Telling someone the label they have chosen is applicable if they personally think it is appropriate is stupid when they’ve asked specifics about what exactly a label means and how it might apply in the context of their life.
As much as you may think otherwise, sexuality and identity labels aren’t objective. They are subjective and self applied, because it doesn’t matter what label you pick, or how clear cut you think it is, there is someone, somewhere, who uses it differently. There is no single “truth” when it comes to these things.
So yeah, picking a label that helps you navigate the world is the smart choice. Because if you’re trying to pick a label based on some objectively true definition, you’ll fail before you begin, because there is no such thing in this context
If the labels are subjective, how can my interpretation that you’re using them wrong be wrong?
That’s what people do all the time and why the meaning of labels change over time.
Instead of immediately jumping to conclusions when you hear of a label, the proper reaction should be to just ask for more information and get to know the person more.
That’s the difference between using labels as a tool, or as a discriminator.
Let’s use your example.
“You shouldn’t claim you have blue eyes”
Why not? Who’s it hurting? I wouldn’t correct someone if they said they had blue eyes. I’d just roll with it.
You stupid motherfucker bro
I guess I just won the argument then lol if you’re best rebuttals is calling me stupid I just have really destroyed your argument lol
I’ve been destroyed with facts and logic, I kneel
Most labels aren’t as simple as physical descriptors.
I didn’t say physical I only used it as my example
And your example didn’t fit this situation, because it’s a purely physical descriptor.
Okay? You shouldn’t call yourself gay if you’re not. Happy now?
How happy can they be if not gay? It literally means happy
Trueee
Sometimes labels help. Sometimes they don’t.
Also, Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are could help!
Just ignore the labels. They’re one-size-fits-all ideas made up by strangers at some point, so you’ll never be able to properly wear any of them. They’re ultimately pointless things anyway.
deleted by creator
You can call yourself whatever you want.
There’s no sexuality police (yet).I don’t see any reason you can’t be anything you want to be.
Not a stupid question at all, but my recommendation would be to worry less about labels.
Who cares about the label? You’re a human being with all your little quirks and capabilities, just like everyone else and I guarantee you that nobody fits any label perfectly. A label is only required for those with a need to show off the label.
See also https://dlm-econometrics.blogspot.com/2020/04/the-average-man.html?m=1
Many people have responsive desire as opposed to spontaneous desire. That’s even a common friction point in relationships.
that’s interesting, where is that distinction from?
I’m not sure where it’s ‘from’ necessarily, I’ve just read about it a couple times.
Yes you are valid. There is a microlabel that you may relate to, if you’re looking for it:
Reciprosexuals don’t feel sexual attraction until they know someone is attracted to them first. This can create a dynamic where attraction follows mutual interest rather than leading it, different from most other orientations.
But ace is ace is ace is ace. If you identify as being on the ace spectrum, you are valid. If you change your mind later, you were (and are) still valid. You do you boo.
You can be a valid Apache Attack Helicopter if you want to be. Nobody else gets to decide whether that’s valid except you. You might confuse or even mislead some people, you’ll have to be prepared for that, but before you consider whether it even matters that some people get confused or misled, you should consider why it’s any of their business in the first place, because it probably isn’t. If it is, then by all means, check whether it’s valid with them, not us.
the people you are in relationships get to decide what is valid to.
but if you never engage in relationships, yeah you can be an attack helicopter. but if you do feel that way, don’t be surprised that nobody else wants to interact with you.
dude im struggling with this exact same thing T_T ace has such a “strict” definition that i technically don’t fit into but the label has always felt right to me and i relate a lot to the asexual experience. but yeah what everyone else is sayin— you’re still valid and you can consider yourself whatever you want. also, labels are tools, so if they aren’t helping and are rather causing distress, then dont even worry about all that :)) (easier said than done, i know)
you could stop giving a fuck about stupid arbitrary labels?
all that means is you are agonizing about how others perceive you and will label you and you feel it has some weight.
people have called me gay/queer my entire life. it’s annoying, but it has no bearing on what i really am. no amount of people calling me gay is ever going to make me gay.
Do you have a name? Names are just labels. Why do you care if other people can summon you. Stop worrying about other people and stop haveing a name.
It’s not about what people think about us it’s about ease of communication. I can give someone a detailed explanation of the complexity of my attraction
or I can say I’m ace and be done with it. Ace is close enough to what I am. Much like it makes it easier for someone to get in contact with you if they know your damn name.
Labels exist for a reason. We are pattern recognition machines mostly.
I don’t really use my name or other people’s names when interacting with them, no. I also don’t really use labels and I avoid socialize with people who are obsessed with them because I mostly find them to be massively self-obsessed jerks who lack respect for others and arrogantly insist they know shit they don’t.
Because I don’t really give a fuck about these weird arbitrary definitions of 150 pride flags that angsty teens on tumblr made up to feel special. anymore than i think anyone’s given name is some sort of ‘identity’ or horoscope of their personality.
“I don’t use people’s names”
Okay. Do you have any friends at all? Who are they?
I say ‘hey man’.
But they aren’t here. Tell me about your friends.
Me and your friend are meeting for the first time at a party and you are introducing us? Rember you can’t use names.
What does your phone book on your cell look like? No names or labels.
By the way ”man” is a label
my cell is mostly just numbers.
no, man is not a label. i use it for women and queer people too.
Well hate it quietly then. You aren’t any different than the bigots. You won’t hang out with anyone who uses any kind of label and you demand people stop because it bothers you.
Btw it must be hard for you to order food considering things don’t have labels. Hamburger is an arbitrary label. So is steak. And beef, and beer, and bears.
lol you use labels all the time you just want to feel superior to others.
I don’t like sports but i don’t bring it because im not judging people who do like sports. I don’t complain, I just don’t watch the sports. Oh sorry I shouldn’t have used the word “sport” that’s a label and I know they scare you.
This is human nature. It’s part of our brains way of processing things. You don’t categorize or sort anything?
typical lemmy. ‘if you disagree with me or challenge me you are just a hateful bigot’ straight to the personal attack because you have nothing of substance to say.
No, life is pretty easy for me. I don’t agonize over the labels of things. I mostly ignore them. Just like I ignore lazy relativism arguments that think words have no meaning… but who hypocritically get very defensive about those very same words.
None of those things are arbitrary, but keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel smart i guess? Jesus. Not everyone is so divorced from a physical/objective reality as you are.
lol I know more about words and their meanings than you do. Man is absolutely a label even if you are using it wrong.
You absolutely use labels all the time. It’s how the brain works.
Btw: bigot is
a person who is stubbornly, obstinately, or unreasonably attached to their own beliefs, opinions, or prejudices and is intolerant toward those who differ.
So yeah I used bigot correctly.
right, you’re not a the bigot here. not at all.
