A question for those who have a partner, how did you manage to do it and how long did it take?

I/We did not ‘do it’ if by that you mean deciding to meet someone to become a couple, be it for one night or for a lifetime. For us, it happened and it seems to be holding quite well after 25 years together and counting ;)

How did it happen? We were into some similar interests and we started chatting about it (online, back in the late 90s, before apps and algorithm), no dating, no nothing, just chatting about that common interest. And enjoying our conversations. One day, we decided to meet IRL as the opportunity arise and, well, it clicked. We enjoyed that time together and decided to try another time, and then a third. And then we both agreed it would be nice (and much simpler too) if we moved together.

it’s hard for me to communicate with people on the street.

You’re right, it is hard. For anyone. You probably should not do that to begin with.

I mean, one may (or may not) meet people on the street (or anywhere else) and then one may (or may not) start having a conversation with them, and then… But most of the time, people are not on the street waiting to be ‘communicated’ with, and the few that do they are probably doing it for the money.

One needs to spend time with people with whom one has some shared interest for a conversation to have a chance to get anywhere. One also needs to be ok with those person not be willing to have discussion or spend time with them as they may have other plans and/or interests. It’s ok to being told ‘no, thx’, it’s not a failure.

So, the question is mostly this: what are your hobbies and passions? Because that’s where you should try to meet other people. It helps a lot to know you have some common interest, even more so when you’re shy.

I’m an introvert

My spouse and I we’re both introverts. It would be an understatement to say I’m shy as fuck. And so is she, just worse. But it seldom is an issue for me, provided I have something to talk about with the other person. No matter how deep or thin the topic is as long as it helps me stop feeling like it’s about me (which it never is, btw) and more about whatever is the subject of our conversation. Even asking for directions or… commenting to your question ;)

As far as dating goes, no matter how unpopular this seems to be considered nowadays, I think it also helps a lot to not have expectations regarding who the other person should be (physically, morally, financially and so on), and how she should behave (the should do this and that, say this and that, think this and that). We all are different, we all have flaws. And we can all be going through some hardship, at times.

Like I said, my spouse and I have been together for 25+ years but there are still today things she does I don’t like, and people she likes I don’t like (and don’t waste my own time with). And it’s same with me. We’re not glued together, even though I’ve read Plato I don’t believe we ought to become ‘one’ as a couple. And that’s fine. We also had our fair share of issues, as a couple, and that too is fine.

In summary: being shy did not prevent me to meet girls. What did was not knowing what to talk about with them, and then my fear of being rejected. And then my expectations. The day I got rid of that fear and expectations, taking the action of meeting new people for what it truly is (an opportunity) it went better. Because it’s an opportunity to try, and maybe to fail and maybe to learn something new in the process (improving oneself), instead of not even trying and to certainly not succeed and to not learn anything new, quite the contrary: fear of action and rumination won’t help anyone grow/feel better.

edit: missing words.