I was in a restaurant last week that had Milwaukee’s Best N/A for sale. My brain turned off. It might be the worst beer I’ve ever tasted. The only reason we drank it was because we were trying to get a dozen teenagers as fucked up as possible for under $10.

Waitress said it was one of their best sellers. The Beast N/A. Fucking disgusting.

Not gonna cap it off with Wake Up by RAtM?

I drunkenly put a leftover cheeseburger in a waffle iron a while back. Fucking magical.

Turns out, the real treasure is the global catastrophe we made along the way.

And by “we” I mean the ghouls running the world.

I hate to admit it, but at this point I think I have to. I thrive in a high-stress, high-energy work environment. I’ve worked a few low-impact jobs and I just turn into a lazy schlub. Hell, a couple times I’ve noticed that I’m letting myself get stressed out just so I can actually accomplish stuff.

Which is weird, because outside of work I’m just a happy, lazy dude. Code switching is a hell of a drug, I guess.

Democrats don’t do shit. Republicans do evil shit. Take your pick.

Wow. You suck.

For a while, Gmail was giving me targeted ads for suicide cleanup services. Something about my activity screamed : this dude’s about to off himself, but wants to be courteous about it."

Gas stoves are also linked to slightly higher cancer rates. But dammit, gas stoves rule. I spent so long cooking with nonstick pans on electric stoves. Now I’ve got cast iron on a gas range and everything is better and easier.

Used to be bean sprouts. That’s why most restaurants stopped offering been sprouts.

Lizzie and the Triggermen just did a very good cover of it.

Pressure cookers can be a cheat code. I’ve been using it for ribs for a few years now. Dry rub, pressure cook, sauce and broil. Purists would scoff, but I’d say it’s 90% as good as the recipes that take 12 hours.

Ribs on a weekday? Hell yeah.

Bring a better bottle than marsala and you’re in.

My go-to is probably a dijon-marsala pork tenderloin.

Coat a tenderloin in Dijon mustard and brown it. Toss it in the oven for 20ish minutes. Use a meat thermometer. Meat production safety is getting iffy these days.

In the same pan, sautée a shitload of finely-diced shallots in butter. Pour in equal parts cream and marsala wine. Reduce it by about half and add more Dijon until it tastes good.

Slice the meat and drown it in tasty sauce.

Have you ever read The Shining? Shit’s important, yo.

It is a government. A municipal government. A city has its own elected officials, laws and enforcement processes.

There’s a famous (possibly true) Hollywood story where Brad Davis meets

Laurence Olivier at a party. Davis is filming Midnight Express and is struggling with the role. He’s been starving himself, sleeping as little as possible, doing everything he can to get in the mindset of an inmate at a brutal prison, but still isn’t satisfied with his performance.

Meeting a Hollywood icon and one of his idols, he asks Olivier for advice.

Olivier looks down his glasses at his and says “well son, have you tried acting?”

Let’s all play a round of “Which List Am I On?”!

Good judgement come from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

I don’t know exactly how much of my warped view on reality is directly attributable to reading the Guide at a young age. I hope most of it.