A friend of 8 years stole a few dresses from me while we were out on a trip. They weren’t necessarily expensive, just cute sundresses that I had bought after saving up some money with my first big job. After returning home, I texted her to get one back because it was the dress I wore on my first date with my (now) husband and was sentimental. I was willing to part with the other ones. Her response was “Since I already have it with me, it would be easier if I just keep it and not have to find a way to get it to you.”
We lived ~20 minutes apart. After that, I was ghosted. She continued to wear the dress and post photos online, blocking me so that I couldn’t see, but other friends saw and reported back to me. Safe to say she was not invited to the wedding.
Good riddance, sorry about the dresses though
That’s such a weird way to execute that… like if you’re gonna steal someone’s style, just go buy copies or something very similar. Still weird, but way less weird than what this chick did.
Maybe she was trying to be you or some shit.
“Since I already have it with me, it would be easier if I just keep it and not have to find a way to get it to you.”
Wow, she sounds annoyed that you’d expect your stolen items returned.
Cocaine laced with fentanyl. OD’d in the bathtub. Wasn’t even (remotely) a regular user; just having a little extra fun on New Years. Was about to finalize the adoption of his and his wife’s baby girl too
Another one from alcohol, fell asleep in the bath
Another one from an undiagnosed heart condition
Another from a peritoneal infection from peritoneal dialysis (they had sickle cell)
My sister from benzos and falling asleep in the bath
All of them in their 30’s. Been a difficult few years of losing friends/family for me, ngl
Good lord what a hand you’ve been dealt. My sympathies.
I really appreciate it. All will always be well, in the end. It just can get rough sometimes, but storms pass one way or another. Thank you though
That’s really rough. I hope you are doing OK and taking care of yourself.
I am doing ok, and thank you. I try my best to take care of myself and have gotten much better at identifying/modifying maladaptive coping methods. It’s always a work in progress lol
I’ve worked around a lot of death as an ICU nurse, which I think has helped me with a little insight into “how to process”. You’re never ready when it’s someone you love and especially when it’s sudden, but seeing other people go through it regularly can give you a different view sometimes, I believe. But thank you again friend
All living in the same locality ?
No, everyone was pretty much spread out across three different US states. Just unfortunate happenstance (and timing, really)
He became a Qanon ass licking dumbfuck and a pro Trump cum sandwich.
Also, we are French so his savior isn’t able to place us on a map.
Had a pretty much identical experience with a longtime best friend.
Within reason ofc but I think it’s a valuable thing to have friends with different viewpoints
It is, but not when they try to “educate” everyone around them at every breath they take, every text message and every conversation.
It ended up with everyone saying “dude stop, we don’t care at all” and him apologizing then saying “ok sorry, my mistake, I explained it wrong that’s why you didn’t understand”.
Again and again and again. It is a disease that needs medical treatment (psychiatric, the same as people leaving cults) and the way he described it fits the description. He said that he “fell in it” (tomber dedans in French, as in falling in a pit) by being bored at work and watching too many YouTube videos to pass time.
We tried to help, but after 2 years we were exhausted. Dude doesn’t want to be helped and we are not medical professionals.
Last news was that he now hangs with another former friend from school that also refused to change and get help, the only cocaine addict of our small town. To the village they are known as the crazy guys sitting on a park bench all day and feeding each other craziness. To them they are probably the only two enlightened dudes and everybody else is too dumb and needs to be awoken.
Imo that has nothing to do with their views though
I don’t tend to like people who haven’t thought their opinions through but stand by them anyway, the people in my life with these different viewpoints can intelligently and civilly justify them rather than just spouting nonsense
If nothing else, then to have a reference to whom else not to befriend, and to have a known source for all the hottest new nonsense.
Kinda like Urban Dictionary. Lots of degenaratory stuff on there, but at least i got somewhat reliable definitions for all the weird stuff people call me and/or each other.
That’s pretty much what I mean, have friends with different views so you can get a good gauge for what’s going on in the world
Obviously not the people who haven’t really thought their opinions through but I know a number of people who make good thought out arguments for what they believe in that still conflict with my own
I was in the military and was friends with a guy I worked with. When I got promoted I changed positions, so I didn’t see him much at work, but we still hung out outside of work often.
One day he did something that could have gotten him in a lot of trouble. I was the only NCO (Sargent) around when it happened. My supervisor offered to take care of the punishment himself because he knew we were friends. I said no, he’s my friend, I witnessed it, so I’ll take care of it. Plus I was able to convince them to just give him some paperwork, instead of more severe punishment he could have had.
I took him into a private area, explained what he did wrong and that he was only getting paperwork. He didn’t say a word, just signed it and walked out. I tried to go talk to him after work and his roommate came out calling me all sorts of names, asking how I could do that to him, and how I was a power tripping asshole, on and on. I asked if I could talk to my friend and explain and he told me my friend requested I never come back over.
I was at that base another year and he never talked to me again.
This is what happens when the rules don’t apply to everybody equally. The military is at the top of the class for doing so. Still it happens; where it appears a “guilty bastard” avoids the usual punishment thru influence, rank, or some other reason. It sets a very bad example, and the troops can get testy if they don’t get the same (perceived) treatment.
I returned to my hometown to handle the passing of my grandfather. I didn’t call my friend, who I had known since preschool, to go hang out. In reality I didn’t give a single thought to contacting anyone I knew – I had family to take care of. He felt insulted by that and chose to never speak to me again.
If this sounds completely illogical, I can assure you I’m just as baffled as you.
A friend tried to get me into Amway. I heckled him and refused.
He asked me again and I was more serious this time. I said no, and threatened if he asked me ever again it was the last he’d speak to me.
He asked again. I said “remember how I said we wouldn’t be friends if you kept proselytizing that shit to me?”, to which he replied, “yeah, but lemme sketch this out to you because it’s awesome.” Like, he wasn’t sorry and he still tried to bring me onboard.
I left. Didn’t speak to him for 31 years. He died in COVID.
My dad has a friend try to talk him into amway sometime in the late 80s/early 90s. He had painted a pyramid shape onto cinder blocks in his basement to explain the revenue stream and everything.
He said no, but that friend ended up high enough in a payment chain that he’s still rich as sin, and my dad got to be one of the scant few that turned down what would’ve actually been a lucrative business venture in a pyramid scheme.
I had a friend from high school that was a compulsive liar. we were friends for probably ~10 years and I never said anything because his lies were never hurtful lies, they were usually to entertain and were so obvious that any halfway intelligent person could spot them from a mile away. Fast forward to our early 20s and we’re working security together. When I drive him home after a shift one day he started telling a story about how some guys tried to rob him with a knife outside his apartment but he turned the tables and took their knife and broke the guys arm in the process before they ran off. I finally asked him “what really happened?” and he looked at me hurt and didn’t say anything. I later felt like a dick but his lies were growing in grandiosity to the point of offending some other people we worked with. A few months later he takes a shift with our supervisor who also happened to be a classmate and my buddy very intentionally fell asleep at the desk in the security office while using a second chair as a leg rest as the supervisor was doing a walking patrol of the building. Anyways, our supervisor came back and saw our buddy so the supervisor opened an emergency exit setting off the security alarm to see if he’d get up and respond. He did not. -That was my buddie’s last shift. The following evening he texted me with some false explanation for why he was terminated. My response was “Dude, you were recorded on 3 different surveillance cameras sleeping next to the table we all watch the cameras on.”
I didn’t know that was the last time we’d talk. Less than 6 months later he had a bachelor party and a wedding neither of which I was invited to.
I know that type. They always escalate their stories and think everyone’s always believing them, when in reality, everyone’s too polite to call them out, until they’re not.
It’s been bizarre realizing people are (likely) pathological liars (alor at least massive bullshitters). It’s like, wow, you sure do seem to always have an interesting story to tell in every situation. Every situation.
He sounds like the kind of guy who’d say they worked in the CIA or MI5. “Uhhh, people who actually work in those organizations NEVER tell you they work for those organizations. It is intelligence 101.”
Pathological lying and grandiosity are trademarks of psychopathic behavior also.
I’ve read similar things about lying being associated with anti-social personality disorders. Narcissism is also a common reason, but either way I’m confident he posessed empathy. I typically lean in the other direction that he was deeply insecure but also not the smartest. The stuff that offended colleagues (who were combat vets) was that he started making up stories about his time in the marines even though in reality he was discharged halfway through bootcamp. I asked him why he was discharged more than once and he gave me a different medical reason each time.
It’s uncanny how similar your story is to mine: I once had a friend with a similar tendency to embiggen reality… he started with lightly embroidering his stories, but over the years the fantasy took more and more precedence until you weren’t sure what was left of reality. It happened so gradually none of us knew how to react, should we burst his bubble? somehow it always seemed too harsh a reaction. One day he came to visit and said the most awful lies about our common friends… I never saw him again. Last I heard of him he had wholeheartedly subscribed to fascist ideas such as eugenics, etc. He’s persuaded himself he is the most clever guy to ever live and he’s unfit to live in this world necause nobody understands his genius. He’s early thirties!
I bought tickets for a concert for us both provided she drive. She never showed up and didn’t answer her phone or anything but was somehow mad at me a few days later.
His last communication was a Facebook post to the world about how he only had room for supportive people in his life, not people who wanted to tear him down.
Guess he got tired of me saying mean things like “You should be paying your debt down, not buying things you can’t afford” “Your wife is right and you shouldn’t fight her on this” and “I understand that the universe rewards positive thought with positive destiny but you also need a plan”.
On fools day he posted a picture of himself and a baby in Facebook with the tag “presenting my baby to everyone” I commented that congratulations for losing his virginity, that it took a while but it’s look like it was worth it. He blocked me and never spoke to me again. I tried to contact him a couple of times, we were best friends on primary school and keep in touch even after graduation high school, but we never talked again after that. I can’t even count the amount of times I talked about that with my therapist, until I just moved on. Hope he have a happy life.
I canceled on the biweekly DnD session because it was scheduled for Halloween and I had plans. Told him a little last minute (day before when I realized).
Dude torpedoed our 10 year friendship over that.
Was that this year? Halloween wasn’t too long ago, maybe he was in a bad mood/unstable situation. You may recover if he reconsiders, it feels a bit extreme to burn a decade old bridge just because of that
Last year.
:/ sorry
Could it be the last straw?
Not really? It was his first time DMing. He was doing a homebrew story. Actually Foundry, not DnD. It was my first time playing and I was really struggling with it. I wasn’t a fan of where the party was taking it and each session was basically wandering aimlessly through a cave and repeating my only attack (sling a rock) at whatever monsters we found. I let him know that I wasn’t enjoying it and there wasn’t a lot for my character to do and he just linked me to the rules website.
I asked for advice on Lemmy, and they suggested I ask for like a 15 minute out of character period at the start of next session to express what our goals were in the game. That was scheduled for the session that I ultimately bailed on.
I got a long string of texts the next morning about how I don’t respect him and never respected him and a lot of other shit. I dunno.
It seems that in the past he felt bad about something you did to him, he give you another chance and you did the thing about cancelling at the last moment. So the real issue was the previous one, nor the latter (the one you said at the beginning)
Sorry for my english.
If he was, he made no effort to tell me what that was, so that’s on him.
Yes, it seems so.
Agree with other responder. End of October was… Stressful. Way more for some than others. This might be one of those situations where trying an “Are you OK?” would be all that’s needed to start mending.
2023
tangential but, when i was teenage-ish i had a friend of a friend that was always kind of standoffish with me. i’m a people pleaser so i was always looking for some way to connect with this guy, but i reckon that was coming across in a weird/bad way.
anyway at one point i found out we had the same birthday, year and everything! i thought it was pretty neat, but he thought i was lying. i got really insistent because from my perspective i had no reason to lie about something so mundane, and ig that rubbed him the wrong way because iirc he never spoke to me again.
Worst example is friend who, after being hospitalized for accident while car surfing, died car surfing again. I wasn’t present for either event.
Second worst is dude with head injury (unrelated) started talking about crystals and toxins and juice fasting. Called him out one day, and it was catastrophic. This one is still alive, at least AFAIK.
Third, divorce. You will find out who your real friends are when you get divorced.
Third, divorce. You will find out who your real friends are when you get divorced.
When my ex- and I were going through a divorce, they didn’t want me to say anything publicly at all. They were insistent that it wasn’t anyone else’s business, and since I was trying to make the process as painless as possible, I assumed that this was a good-faith request.
I was wrong.
I was being silent, and they were telling everyone a load of horseshit about me, and bad-mouthing me in public to every single one of our mutual friends. I lost all but one of our mutual friends; my silence was assumed to be an admission of guilt.
I’m so sorry. I strongly suspect this happened to me as well. To this day I’ve never mentioned the evidence I had of her infidelity to anyone, because I’m a better person that she is. My former friends likely discovered this for themselves in due course.
I came out as bi to her and then she thought me and my girlfriend wanted to sleep with her…
Her and I were close friends and confided in each other about depression, traumatic upbringings, and all sorts of stuff. I tell her in confidence that I think I’m bi and it’s something I struggled with all my life and only came to realize it then. She’s supportive because she’s pansexual and comes from a religious conservative background.
She asks me how my then girlfriend was taking it and I said she was excited because now she may get to have mmf and mfm threesomes. She says she thinks that’s really cool and asked if that meant we were open in the relationship so I said ya.
Fast forward a month or so later, she invites us all over to her place to hang out and smoke weed and chill and sleep over so we stay on the couch and she sleeps in her bed after a fun night. The next day she texts me that she’s not used to people treating her nicely and she thought she picked up vibes from both of us about wanting to sleep with her (???) and that she wasn’t comfortable with that.
We’re both shocked at this point because both of us had no intention of that and just wanted to chat, have weed, and talk about life and joke around and have fun. I tell her that this wasn’t our intent and that I’m really sad to hear that she felt that way from our actions and that we just wanted to enjoy her company since (I thought) we all had fun.
She went no contact pretty abruptly afterwards and 4 years later I’m still salty about the whole thing. I feel like I should not have shared that part about myself :(
Dude became an outspoken anti vaxxer, tin foil hat wearing plandemic twat.
The final nail was when he shows up at our business out of the blue one day (literally had not spoken with him in almost a year) where he had left some oil paintings & other artwork to pick them up, then sent a shitty passive aggressive text the next day about how they were not kept in perfect condition.
My dude, you left them without a word otherwise over 4 years ago, we have shit to do besides take care of discarded art.
