and how would an elder start looking for friends or recreational activities for seniors? I don’t even know what’s available.
my father has always been republican, never a maga type, just old school republican.
The last message he sent me was more a rant against everything that’s wrong with the world together with some immigrant blaming and talking about an invasion. He also wrote how he misses when I was 5. He is usually more articulate, this message was all over the place.
My mother is Mexican and I’m half Mexican. Make it make sense.
On my answer, I asked him if my mother should be deported, if he is feeling lonely or angry and if he meets people in real life other than my mother or he spends his time watching slop and listening to right wing media.
I also told him talking about immigrants the way he did to me is the perfect way to end up alone or in a right wing bubble because nobody sane wants to talk to somebody with so much disregard for people wanting a better life.
He also wrote something about how AI makes people stupider, which I agree with and asked him if he is sure this isn’t something exactly happening to him right now with the message he sent me, just hoping he snaps out of it.
I suggested, if he feels alone he may contact social services, but I have no idea if they actually help seniors find new people.
I also wanted to suggest he goes to a nursing home but it doesn’t seem to be the ideal place for a competent senior to meet new people, does it?
If you ever did this, what worked for you?
Removing access to the sources giving them their opinions appears to be pretty effective at drastically reducing their focus on hating things and getting riled up. This was explored in The Brainwashing of my Dad documentary.
I was able to do this with my own mother, who only watched right-wing news from clips on YouTube. When she wasn’t at her computer at an appointment, I installed a browser add-on called Blocktube that let’s you selectively block YouTube channels or videos from popping by a list of keywords. I also then subscribed her account to left-wing news sources like pbs and more perfect union.
From that point onward, she was never recommended right-wing news or interviews, and within a few months I her views on things noticeably changed, she no longer brought up all the fear-porn from fox, and even finally believed in climate change thanks to PBS Terra.
I was fortunate she didn’t watch TV, where blocking a whole station would probably be more noticeable. But for those who have the opportunity to limit parent access to right-wing poison, I can attest to its effectiveness.
I’ve not had a huge amount of success with this in general. Most people already have their minds made up and aren’t listening. However, the some successes I’ve had are by asking questions. If you can get someone to a point where they are questioning their own ideas, they tend to be more open to changing their mind.
As you said about your mom being Mexican and being deported. So, I feel like you’re on the right track.
Just a general advice, even when your father writes something completely outlandish, try not to “debunk” it. Instead ask soft, nonconfrontational questions to help him find the truth on his own. Be clear about nonreliable sources, but don’t dwell and always approach with curiosity (“Fox news is not a good source. Have you seen it somewhere else? I’d like to learn more”). The goal is to be seen as a partner. Nobody likes to be lectured, and parents in particular usually reject their children’s attempts to teach them anything.
“Fox news is not a good source. Have you seen it somewhere else?
now that you mention this, me and my father had a similar convo like a year ago. I reacted like you wrote and he stopped it for a bit. It seems he forgot.
The other option would he he’s always been this conservative but always managed to hide it and now he either cannot anymore or doesn’t care.
how depressing.
That’s the way I do it. My dad started distrusting most of academic science, so every time he is telling me something outlandish about spiritual things I just say that I view those things differently and then tell him how and why.
Just a soft disagreement, not more not less. I want him to know how I think, I wanna understand why he feels that way.
My dad started distrusting most of academic science, so every time he is telling me something outlandish about spiritual things I just say that I view those things differently and then tell him how and why.
how can you remain so cool headed? Because my father has worked in academia and now he sometimes acts like a maga moron spewing their points without even questioning them. It’s like he either wants or needs to be angry at something.
That’s why I wanted him to meet new people, so he gets his head out of his butt.
It’s just very sad a person I thought so highly of has become… this. And it might even be worse.
I’m not cool headed but after a while I learned I can’t fix his trust, I can only ground him by showing him my world and doing my best to keep the door open. The rest is up to him.
🤷🏼♂️ mocking and derision worked for me. Took a while but once my son got old enough to start giving her shit for it too, it went fairly smooth. Now she’s telling me about racists on Facebook and how she can’t believe people can be like that, let alone so openly. She’s come a long way but there’s still a few topics that get sideways. However, I wouldn’t recommend my style to everyone. My relationship has been fairly antagonistic for a few decades already, and I was ready to go no-contact so it was kind of a last straw situation anyways.
Different families are different, but I’m glad that worked for you. It’s like trying to get some parents to quit smoking, sometimes worrying about their health works, sometimes threatening to withhold grandchildren works, sometimes nothing works.
I try to calmly explain to people how if you hear something enough, you start to believe it blindly
I also explain how the reward schedules of social media are terrible for you
I have not had great results. I’ve helped encourage people who already understood all this to be more mindful of their media diet, but people blindly enraged at imaginary enemies don’t seem to be moved
but people blindly enraged at imaginary enemies don’t seem to be moved
I’m myself coming to terms that most people are mediocre and lots are simply stupid. I try to stay away from them and hope to not become one of them.
and how would an elder start looking for friends or recreational activities for seniors? I don’t even know what’s available.
Not sure how regional this is, but a very midwestern American thing is the “old man coffee club”. This is not an official name or organized sanctioned event, but its such a regular occurrence that everyone knows what it is. Old men will meet at a diner or restaurant where they will drink coffee and chit chat. Its usually a weekly meet, but in some localities its a daily thing.
I don’t precisely know how to tell you to find your local one. I know mine is at a local McDonalds on Wednesday mornings only from happening to be there at that time and immediately recognizing it for what it was. See if you could find that for your dad. I look forward to my retirement days attending my local old man coffee club (and to be complaining about the young presumably).
As for formal events, look into your local “Center on Aging” or “Senior center”. This is usually a public organization that hold events for seniors and many times has a regular lunch hall (very reasonably priced!).
A whole lot of Americans are discovering every day that Fox News didn’t “radicalize” Granny and Poppop, Granny and Poppop radicalized Fox News because they were fascists the whole time.
Remember that Dominion Voting lawsuit against Fox News? In the discovery were text messages from popular hosts like Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingram. What those texts revealed was that both hosts and the network itself was terrified of viewer revolt. They both admitted to platforming “lunatics” and spreading conspiracies just to mollify their rabid viewers. For context: Fox news had accurately called the 2020 Election for Biden first. Their viewers considered this a betrayal and switched to Newsmax and other far-right channels by the million.
The call is coming from inside the house.
Fox news had accurately called the 2020 Election for Biden first. Their viewers considered this a betrayal and switched to Newsmax and other far-right channels by the million.
can you provide a source?
Here’s an article going into the internals surrounding fox news’ correct election call
What are his hobbies or interests? Most places have senior centers with programs that involve getting people together for activities.
Though I’m not sure if him spending time with a bunch of other senior men is going to solve this issue.
You may want to point him to recent articles about how shady interests are paying people all over the world to post right wing US talking points to US social media via VPNs.
Or how social media algorithms are design for engagement and that promotes rage baiting content most of all.
Any kind of hobby that gets him off screens for hours a day.
Even a solitary one like model railroads or model building would be better than spending time online.
Though I’m not sure if him spending time with a bunch of other senior men is going to solve this issue.
I don’t know. In my experience, if you throw a bunch of Republicans together in a room with enough beer, it’s amazing how fast they can turn into a bunch of socialists. Toss in a, “You know what, I think you’re right. We should defund social security.” and quickly shut the door behind you. You’ll start to hear the clattering of hammers and sickles almost immediately.
Modern political conservatism has no ideals. Ideals create discourse. And discourse is “bad” in that it breaks down the illusion of a unified front. That illusion needs to be destroyed.
The moment you tell them they have to vote against the GOP to get what they want it all falls apart.
Though I’m not sure if him spending time with a bunch of other senior men is going to solve this issue.
this is true and might be a losing battle:
me and every working age son or daughter: we have our lives, children to raise, work to do to pay bills, commute, buy food, cook, prepare our next day, relax, we sometimes don’t live near them…
seniors: they have absolutely nothing going on in their lives and a device that offers them unlimited rage bait…
we cannot win unless we take their phones from them or heavily censor them, but my father is not that far yet…
but I try n remain positive: I thought it would be a good idea he meets new people because not every senior is going to be an angry person with no life and he may learn something meeting people from different walks of life, at least I hope so.
He should leave his bubble.
Even angry people irl are so, so much better than non-human online slop. We are social animals, we literally become mentally sick if we don’t talk to people, and then we try to substitute with algorithm slop, or in the good old times, drinking yourself to death.
IRL you can always come to different conclusions, although the chance is small. Online, there is only one direction and that is down.
I think there’s value in encouraging him to fill his time with positive things. Instead of “that phone is making you crazy” you pitch “wouldn’t this be fun, or nice, or interesting.” Lots of townships, municipalities, or counties have programs designed for seniors to get out, be active, and interact. And at least if he meets people that’s an opportunity to spend more time offline.
Back in the 1970’s I was telling everyone that you don’t have to buy a book from the New York Times best seller list. There are other books out there. Grab some random shit at the library and test yourself. Then someone else responded “Oh! You limit yourself to just libraries, do you?”. You can’t win. /s
Tried to convince my mom in a very indirect manner, “I don’t like these AI videos because you can never tell what they’re getting right or wrong, so you have to be suspicious of everything. They don’t care about being right, they just care about money”, didn’t work. She listened, she understood, but she still watches slop from time to time.
My brother is worse, because, despite being a very strict history teacher, he watches slop once in a while and even recommended me some videos. “This is AI” - to which his reply was simply “Watch it”. He also uses instagram at least twice a day.
I think most people would benefit from watching a lot less algorithmic slop, and unfortunately the younger ones are currently the most exposed.
I do get your point, though. Normally, I find that the rec center is a great place for the life experienced to hang out with real people. Another good choice is the Silver Sneakers class at the local gym.
