Heck no for several reasons. First of all, I straight up knew something was wrong with me since I was 7, I just didn’t know what. Had nightmares about it.
I was selfishly oblivious, never had many friends, and was inconsiderate to others. I mostly spent my time playing videogames. When my parents were struggling, I fussed about small things, took up the toilet all the time, I didn’t study much at all.
Because of my fear of people, I didn’t believe I could ever get a job, so I almost never tried to get a simple cashier job, and lived off my parents. I would go between trying to learn programing, absurd projects, and just going back to videogames.
I hurt many people, many insults, unjust accusations, made many enemies. I could never stick to rules or promises, I was always a coward, and never able to stick with anything.
Just some of the best people I meet, not wanting to be around me, how little I contribute to communities, and friends, is proof enough that I am a fundamentaly bad person.
I doubt that can ever change, so my goal is just to prevent others from being the same, if at all possible.
I understand that I don’t deserve the things that normal people do, and I don’t expect them anymore.
🫂
There will be causes for you hurting people. Heck, it is not easy keeping friends with a fear of people I recon.
I am not saying that what you did wasn’t hurtful, but maybe it made sense. Maybe you didn’t know how else to act at the time.
But the fact that you reflected on it and know you could have done better, that you try to prevent others from being like you; do you think that’s what a bad person would do? No.
You are not a bad person, you are struggeling. If you can, seek therapy or counseling.
You deserve the things everybody does. You deserve happiness.
Heck no for several reasons. First of all, I straight up knew something was wrong with me since I was 7, I just didn’t know what. Had nightmares about it.
I was selfishly oblivious, never had many friends, and was inconsiderate to others. I mostly spent my time playing videogames. When my parents were struggling, I fussed about small things, took up the toilet all the time, I didn’t study much at all.
Because of my fear of people, I didn’t believe I could ever get a job, so I almost never tried to get a simple cashier job, and lived off my parents. I would go between trying to learn programing, absurd projects, and just going back to videogames.
I hurt many people, many insults, unjust accusations, made many enemies. I could never stick to rules or promises, I was always a coward, and never able to stick with anything.
Just some of the best people I meet, not wanting to be around me, how little I contribute to communities, and friends, is proof enough that I am a fundamentaly bad person.
I doubt that can ever change, so my goal is just to prevent others from being the same, if at all possible.
I understand that I don’t deserve the things that normal people do, and I don’t expect them anymore.
🫂 There will be causes for you hurting people. Heck, it is not easy keeping friends with a fear of people I recon. I am not saying that what you did wasn’t hurtful, but maybe it made sense. Maybe you didn’t know how else to act at the time. But the fact that you reflected on it and know you could have done better, that you try to prevent others from being like you; do you think that’s what a bad person would do? No.
You are not a bad person, you are struggeling. If you can, seek therapy or counseling. You deserve the things everybody does. You deserve happiness.