Sweetums was my first thought actually, but it still works.
Fozzie: What ails you, Polyphemus, that you make such a noise, breaking the stillness of the night, and preventing us from being able to sleep? Surely no man is carrying off your sheep? Surely no man is trying to kill you either by fraud or by force?’
Sweetums: Noman is killing me by fraud; no man is killing me by force.’
Fozzie: Then, if no man is attacking you, you must be ill; when Jove makes people ill, there is no help for it, and you had better pray to your father Neptune.
The only issue I can see is relegating Fozzie to a bit part
But then we don’t get a cyclops version of Who’s On First
sweetums is the cyclops, so you wouldn’t anyway
Sweetums was my first thought actually, but it still works.
Fozzie: What ails you, Polyphemus, that you make such a noise, breaking the stillness of the night, and preventing us from being able to sleep? Surely no man is carrying off your sheep? Surely no man is trying to kill you either by fraud or by force?’
Sweetums: Noman is killing me by fraud; no man is killing me by force.’
Fozzie: Then, if no man is attacking you, you must be ill; when Jove makes people ill, there is no help for it, and you had better pray to your father Neptune.
The only issue I can see is relegating Fozzie to a bit part
could even be both “Weren’t you a cyclops?” " oh that’s my brother. good guy"
Pretty sure they have actually done that somewhere