I’m beginning to accept that I may never be in a relationship again. There are life expectations I have for myself, some admittedly selfish, but really, the idea of having to deal with another grownup who is as obstinate as I am has left me disillusioned about relationships. But I want to have kids. I want to be a father. For women, its fairy easy, go to a sperm bank, pick your choice, get the procedure done and you are on your way. What is the process for dudes? I believe its going to involve a surrogate, but where does one get a donor egg and what not? I am not looking to have a relationship with an egg donor or the surrogate, just me and the kids.
People are being weird to you, but I just wanna say that raising a child and co-living with a life partner are completely different things and skill sets.
There’s no rule book that says you need to have a partner to have a child or raise them well. Ignore anyone who says this. If you just got out of a toxic relationship, it’s completely normal and healthy not to want to jump back in the dating pool. I got out of an abusive relationship a few years ago, and I have 0 plans to remarry or even open a dating app.
The average relationship takes a huge amount of work, often fails, and the average divorce time is 10 years. If you don’t want to deal with another adult for a while, there’s zero shame. You’re not doing it wrong, you’re not missing anything vital. You probably already know all this but I’m just giving reassurance.
Kids are much simpler than adults, but harder work. You can get into a routine and life kind of goes on autopilot, and you solve problems as they come up. It’s hard work but it’s typically uncomplicated work, without the emotional manipulation.
Only one warning I will say: make sure you’re in a good headspace going into it. The last thing you want is for any unresolved damage from the relationship to come out as an emotional reaction to something your child does. Then it turns into generational trauma.
Good luck
✧*。ヾ(^.^)ノIts weird, because yes, my headspace has been forced to improve. I have grown up in ways I can’t explain. Having them forced me to reevaluate myself, cleaned up my diet, stopped drinking, lost about 55 pounds, started working steadily, dealt and is still confronting my legal stuff that I run away from for long, just major improvements, and I became a better version of myself. I’m not doing this because of emotional attachment, but because the better version of me wants to be a dad. Its as simple as that. A lot of people here have judged me in ways I can’t even begin to explain, but it is the internet so, no surprises there. Nonetheless, this is the next step in my life I am excited to embrace. If I am going to put effort in any form of a familial relationship, then kids all the way, raise them, educate them, hopefully be a better role model than I got, and be a better man.
Thanks for the best wishes.
It seems a lot of what is going on in this thread needs to have some therapy and possibly medication.
It’s important to get that help when you needed it.
Sounds like the OP is getting to the right space , but could benefit from some guidance on how to deal with being treated so poorly.