If people who don’t use too much internet are mystical creatures for you, then you are already in very deep. Join a club, go to meetups, anything where you interact with people non digitally, or you will become a very bitter, caustic person. The signs are already there in your replies, but the ball is in your court, and you are responsible to take action if you don’t want that.
Oh good, so all I have to do is date someone who isn’t interested in dating?
No, it means statistically you’ll need to try with more than 2 people to find a “good” person - because even if the split was 50/50 in the beginning, the easy going people are leaving the dating pool faster in comparison.
Nobody says you NEED to date, but you don’t radiate any kind of gracious “eh, dating is just not for me” attitude. Instead you seem quite bitter, attributing it to an unfair system instead of that unwillingness to come out of the digital world more.
So it’s roughly 3 options:
Put in the effort
REALLY make peace with not dating, not out of spite, but enjoying the choice
Join a club, go to meetups, anything where you interact with people non digitally, or you will become a very bitter, caustic person.
I’ve tried all that. I spent years exploring every option relentlessly. But people are judgemental, and consistently rejected me due to the aforementioned lack of social skills.
I’m already bitter, but not because I spend too much time on the internet. That’s confusing correlation with causation. I spend too much time on the internet, and I’m bitter, but both of those things are caused by the consistent social rejection and scorn that I’ve received throughout my life.
No, it means statistically you’ll need to try with more than 2 people to find a “good” person
Once people notice that I’ve tried pursuing romance with more than 2 people (even in the aftermath of rejection), they label me as a player and tell all their friends to avoid me. Getting rejected is seen as a red flag. People tend to be attracted to people that other people are attracted to. “Try, try again” doesn’t work in dating.
Nobody says you NEED to date, but you don’t radiate any kind of gracious “eh, dating is just not for me” attitude.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I need to radiate grace.
Yeah, I am bitter, but it’s not because I’m “unwilling to come out of the digital world more.” I stay in the digital world because I’ve tried socializing in person, and I’m sick and tired of being punished for being not normal.
So it’s roughly 3 options:
Put in the effort
REALLY make peace with not dating, not out of spite, but enjoying the choice
live a bitter life
I’ve put in the effort, but that doesn’t guarantee success.
I’ve made peace with not dating, but what’s it to you if I made my peace out of spite? I’ve learned to accept a shit sandwich because it’s my only choice, but don’t tell me I need to enjoy it.
Live a bitter life: ✓
Although my cat takes some of the bitterness out of it, and I try not to think too much about the rest these days.
put in effort: you’ve put SOME effort into it, but evidently not enough to get a life partner. There are other people who DO go further than you, and have life partners. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
make peace with it: Technically giving up means the battle is over, thus you have “made peace”. Usually people understand it as leaving a situation WITHOUT it making you bitter, though - and that’s how I meant it, too.
live a bitter life: Yes. This one is your choice. Not the other 2.
In the end relationships are A LOT of work, even before they start; and paying that price is simply not for everybody.
It’s not as simple as “put in effort → reach a threshold → find a life partner.” There’s a lot more that goes into it. There’s social skills, there’s luck, there’s being at the right place at the right time, there’s the mood your potential life partner is in at the moment of the first encounter, there’s the level of confidence you’re feeling that day and how willing you are to have that confidence potentially smashed by a harsh rejection. There’s also society collectively shaming guys who try too hard to find a partner. It’s not a matter of “if I just put in enough effort I’ll find a life partner.”
Giving up means the battle is over, but it doesn’t mean you’ve won. I can surrender and still feel bitter over it.
Is it a choice if it was my only option?
I know relationships are a lot of work. I’ve been in a few, two of them lasted over a year. The last one ended half a decade ago, but at times it still feels like yesterday.
I can’t put in that work though if I don’t have a partner. That would be pretty delusional, and sad. “Sorry, I can’t come out this weekend. I’m staying home with my imaginary wife.” Not that I have friends to go out with on the weekends either. It’s just me and my cat.
And yes, my cat adds sweetness to my life. I try not to think about the rest, so please stop suggesting I dwell on it more.
Well yeah of course it’s not as simple as that. We’re talking about a whole another human being here. You’re describing it like you want a checkbox “has a partner” ticked, not like you actually want what that entails. If you don’t want a boomer style, I-hate-my-wife kinda relationship, then dating doesn’t stop when you’re together, it would go on for the duration of the relationship. If you don’t like the game, then don’t complain about not playing it?
yeah, that’s not the same as making your peace with it though; that’s the opposite, called holding a grudge.
It wasn’t your only option, but you admitted several times already that you’re not willing to do what it takes. That’s your decision and that’s fine, but why blame others for the outcome?
And the rest of this… Man those are some issues. Staying at home when your partner needs you is “putting in work”, but we won’t even consider that those words could mean to work on yourself… Even after multiple relationships failed after the initial infatuation could not carry them anymore.
And after writing thousands of words defending being bitter at your own choices, you accuse others of making you dwell on this. The only one in control of what you write is you, so either you secretly enjoy it, or therapy can help you out of it way, way better.
As someone in a relationship I can tell you that there’s no problem with “the system”, only with the people.
If people who don’t use too much internet are mystical creatures for you, then you are already in very deep. Join a club, go to meetups, anything where you interact with people non digitally, or you will become a very bitter, caustic person. The signs are already there in your replies, but the ball is in your court, and you are responsible to take action if you don’t want that.
No, it means statistically you’ll need to try with more than 2 people to find a “good” person - because even if the split was 50/50 in the beginning, the easy going people are leaving the dating pool faster in comparison.
Nobody says you NEED to date, but you don’t radiate any kind of gracious “eh, dating is just not for me” attitude. Instead you seem quite bitter, attributing it to an unfair system instead of that unwillingness to come out of the digital world more.
So it’s roughly 3 options:
I wish you the best.
I’ve tried all that. I spent years exploring every option relentlessly. But people are judgemental, and consistently rejected me due to the aforementioned lack of social skills.
I’m already bitter, but not because I spend too much time on the internet. That’s confusing correlation with causation. I spend too much time on the internet, and I’m bitter, but both of those things are caused by the consistent social rejection and scorn that I’ve received throughout my life.
Once people notice that I’ve tried pursuing romance with more than 2 people (even in the aftermath of rejection), they label me as a player and tell all their friends to avoid me. Getting rejected is seen as a red flag. People tend to be attracted to people that other people are attracted to. “Try, try again” doesn’t work in dating.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I need to radiate grace.
Yeah, I am bitter, but it’s not because I’m “unwilling to come out of the digital world more.” I stay in the digital world because I’ve tried socializing in person, and I’m sick and tired of being punished for being not normal.
Although my cat takes some of the bitterness out of it, and I try not to think too much about the rest these days.
In the end relationships are A LOT of work, even before they start; and paying that price is simply not for everybody.
I know relationships are a lot of work. I’ve been in a few, two of them lasted over a year. The last one ended half a decade ago, but at times it still feels like yesterday.
I can’t put in that work though if I don’t have a partner. That would be pretty delusional, and sad. “Sorry, I can’t come out this weekend. I’m staying home with my imaginary wife.” Not that I have friends to go out with on the weekends either. It’s just me and my cat.
And yes, my cat adds sweetness to my life. I try not to think about the rest, so please stop suggesting I dwell on it more.
And the rest of this… Man those are some issues. Staying at home when your partner needs you is “putting in work”, but we won’t even consider that those words could mean to work on yourself… Even after multiple relationships failed after the initial infatuation could not carry them anymore.
And after writing thousands of words defending being bitter at your own choices, you accuse others of making you dwell on this. The only one in control of what you write is you, so either you secretly enjoy it, or therapy can help you out of it way, way better.
As someone in a relationship I can tell you that there’s no problem with “the system”, only with the people.