Asking because I just sat through a family feud within earshot at a local coffee joint. Parents giving advice to son, who looked 30ish, all quite civil, full of the ‘can I speak for a minute’, ‘your minute is up’ and so on, with some ‘when we were your age’ and ‘you must/ will learn’ etc. Mum ended with ‘i don’t have to justify anything to you’.
My dad stopped once I got out of high school, but mum seems to chime in from time to time. I’m well into my middle age.
When should parents stop parenting and just let the kid fail/ thrive on their own? I just feel sometimes the parents are the problem, regardless of good intentions.
My parents will give advice if I ask for it. It’s been that way since I was about 14 or 15. If they tried to treat me like you are describing, especially in public, I would shut it down.
The only time I can imagine them giving unsolicited advice would be if I were in a romantic relationship they thought was bad. I don’t agree with a lot of their perspectives on relationships, but I would at least hear them out. They would have the good sense to do it in private though and would be able to explain their thoughts, no “I don’t have to justify myself to you” nonsense.
I would say they were a little too uninvolved at times, but I would take that over the scenario you are describing with them over involved at 30+.
Yes, it takes maturity to understand the difference between hearing it out and obedience to the advice given. We mirror our life experiences to our kids, so I guess one thing I’m cognizant of is whether I’m repeating what I felt was not right to the next generation.