Ticketmaster

• Online fee: $73.27
• Convenience fee: $13.22
• Keyboard fee: $7.40
• Nickel and dime fee: $0.15
• Sponsor fee powered by Pepsi MAX: $23.83
• Satanic fee: $6.66
• H@X0R fee: $13.37
• CrAzY 8’s fee: $88.88
• It’s your lucky day! fee: $4.17
• Prime fee: $37.00
• Accountants told us we could do this fee: $21.66
• We hate fans fee: $51.96
• We also hate the band fee: $61.05
• Notices bulge fee: $OwO
• Oh and the venue can eat a dick fee: $20.80
• Asking you to buy insurance fee: $4.93
• We put your name in the Goblet of Fire fee: $3.82
• Free fee: $0.01
• Enter your birth year: 1979
• Good Smashing Pumpkins song fee: $19.79
• Your birth year divided by 100 fee: $19.79
• Neighbor fee: $1.32
• Weed fee: $4.20

Would you like to insure your ticket for $12.99?

☐ Yes, please! ☐ I would love to!

You must select one to continue.

That’s the lesson I learned with my credit cards. I took out a loan to pay them off and as soon as they were paid off, I closed them. The sugar is too sweet, and the goblin is ravenous. It’s too easy to use the credit card to acquire junk. Next thing you know, over 25% of your income is going toward credit cards, and you’ve got nothing to show for it.

I finally said fuck that shit. They need me more than I need them. It’s a shame the realization took so long.

The only way to win the game is to not play.

And you’re goddamned right.

Has the guy with the gun always had the Ohio flag on his sleeve?

Still too bloated. My hard limit is 950 bytes.

Or, as I’ve recently taken to calling it, GNUSS plus Linussy

>be me, Gentoo user
>hear about this new pussy package
>will spend the next several hours compiling the pussy source code
>later virgins

Cleavage, dude.

Piano-man, piano-man. Does whatever a piano can. Falls on crooks from real high. Squishes them. Kills those guys.

Look out. He is the piano-man

Mmmmm idk, I’ll take my old beater Civic over any new Kia, Hyundai, Nissan, or Stellantis product.

Hell, just the fact that you can’t buy a low trim Civic or Corolla with a stick shift anymore is kinda tragic.

The 90s are where cars peaked, and I will die on that hill.

Best part of driving a total bucket. You’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel carjacking me.

“Mom, I don’t know that the peppermint oil on my feet and lemon juice in my eyes did anything to cure my measles, tetanus, or COVID infections.”

“Nonsense, Bobby. You just need to give it time to work.”

“Peggy, that boy ain’t right.”

I’ve got just the poster. Nobody will ever suspect there’s a hole back there.

Tldr there is literally no reason for this product to ever exist. It mathematically makes no sense. Banks won’t offer it. Investors won’t back it. You’ll have no incentive to take it.

The 50 year mortgage isn’t just a bad product. It’s a predatory product.

Interest is the cost of borrowing, plus a little extra tacked on for the capital the banks and investors tied up in the loan. Generally speaking, the longer you borrow, the higher your rate. It’s usually better to borrow for as little time as you feasibly can because it’s the double whammy of paying off that front loaded interest faster and clearing the payment from your own books sooner.

The thing with borrowing over time is that there’s a diminishing return with more time. Assuming the interest is equal on a 30 year vs a 50 year mortgage, your payments go down maybe 15%. So assuming that $3,000 payment at 5% for 30 years vs 50 years, your 50 year payment is $2,538. Which sounds nice until you multiply payment amount by number of payments and find that the total cost of borrowing goes up >$442,000.

But you absolutely will not get the same rate on a 50 year vs a 30 year. It’s too risky for investors to back it, no matter how you slice it. They’ll want more interest on top of it if they do. So your rate might climb to 6.25% over the 5% you might have got on the 30 year loan. That changes the payment from $3,000 to $3,046.

Yep. The payment can be higher. Again, law of diminishing returns and higher rates because more risky.

So a recap. You’re financing $558,845 after down payment, earnest money, closing costs, etc. With a 30 year term, you’re looking at 5%. The payment is $3,000 a month so you ultimately pay $1,080,000 for the house. At 50 years, you’re borrowing at 6¼ and paying $3,046 a month, so now the house costs you $1,827,600. Not only is your payment higher, but the house is ¾ of a million bucks more expensive! How generous!

This doesn’t even factor in the extra 20 years of PMI you’ll have to pay because if you have to borrow for 50, we all know you’re not putting 20% down.

If you can borrow for 15 years, that’s going to be the best way to secure yourself long term. But 30 year mortgages are overwhelmingly common because prices are too high. Even so, they’re not a bad product.

But absolutely do not fall for this 50 year bullshit. The average first time buyer is in their forties now. Only a handful of us will live long enough to pay that off. You’re probably better off renting for the rest of your life than taking a 50 year mortgage.

At this point, I’m down for a visit from the alien overlords as long as they make sure he’s inside before they do it.

Being truly in love means blasting ass specifically because he/she is next to you.

I’m from Oklahoma. Let me give you an overview of our seasons, beginning with

Spring: Starts mild, ends warm. Thunderstorms, hail, tornadoes, and flooding are the main stories here.

Summer: Hot and muggy throughout. No clouds, rain, wind, relief. All you can do is make your clothes wet. Sometimes, I just point a leaf blower up my shirt. And at my testicles. I take cold showers all summer. It’s about the only way I can cool down enough to get some sleep.

Autumn: It’s like spring, but in reverse. Thunderstorms and tornadoes do happen, but rarely are they strong.

And finally - Winter: Nothing happens in a typical winter. It might snow a couple times in Central OK. And that’s really it. Once or twice every decade, we might get a historic winter storm. But most years are super uneventful and mild. It freezes most nights in deep winter, but only just.

In short, all four seasons are trying to kill you, but winter isn’t trying that hard. Spring and autumn are briefly nice. The average temperature might be 72, but what’s being left out is that it could be 91 on Monday, 49 on Wednesday, and 87 on Saturday. Or it could be between 65 and 75 all week. You never truly know until you get there.

At least it’s not, say, Iowa. I know for a fact their summers are almost as hot as ours, but their winters are waaaaaayyyyy colder.

I’ve tried to tell my wife many times that it is just as hot and humid here as it is where she’s from in Mississippi. Dew point is dew point, no matter where you are. It’s just that the humidity here goes away sooner and stays away for longer. And we don’t typically get tornadoes on Thanksgiving or Christmas. The southeast definitely does.

Anyway, we vacationed in Seattle last September, and - cost of living be damned - now I want to live there. If not for the weather, then at least for the seafood. But I love my nieces and nephews too much to be that far from them.

I gave 100% for the first maybe hour, then gave up on the rest of my day. So that averages out to like 12.5%.

She told me she didn’t want to hire me but was outvoted. That she really stuck her neck out for me by even letting me come on.

She never trained me to do my job. Just handed me the manuals, told me to read them, then expected near perfection. Never provided any real guidance. Never actually assigned more than a couple tasks to me, then nagged me because I wasn’t doing enough. She made me feel singled out. Like nobody else in the office liked me either.

My dog died in March of '19. I barely got any empathy from her. I turned in my two weeks in early May. I was one more write up from being fired anyway. When I handed her my resignation letter, she looked at me and said, “Are you sure?” I meant to say, “Are you fucking really asking me that?” Instead, I just coldly said, “Yes.” Turned my back, and walked out of her office. I kept my head down for the next couple weeks, collected my last paycheck, and rapid fired applications for the next few months.

Fuck you Sarah. I hope you lose your car keys just badly enough that your morning takes an extra fifteen minutes every day for the rest of your life.

Look, it’s not “all you can eat.” It’s "all you can eat."

“You” is not the subject noun, it’s “all.” You refers to the group of people. The buffet is open to the public, and any paying member of the public may eat. Your honor, the phrase has been misinterpreted all along. It was never about allowing any one person to eat until they no longer can, but about allowing any paying customer to eat the food offered at the buffet.

I rest my case.