I would pay good money to have toilet paper with the face of my previous middle-manager on it.

You mean the French who criticize their government all day long for the past hundred years?

Born to knight, forced to Office 365.

Same as Al Capone. Good guys who obviously did nothing wrong.

open-source […] a bunch of binary files

Please explain.

There are a lot of industries where huge amount of data is moved all the time (health data, VMs, anything actually). Even small startups can do that and it’s cheaper than ever.

No backups as usual: https://www.worldbackupday.com/