Be unemployable.

Is that a pea, or one of those round candy coated chocolate things I can’t remember the name of?

This has the same credibility as opening a battle pack in Battlefield 6 and getting a new picture for your player profile background.

Joke answers that, while untrue, make me smile when I respond.

“Happier than a possum up a pant leg.”

“Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.”

“Going crazier than a shit-house rat.” is my favorite but not always cromulent.

Praise baby Jesus for alt text adherents.

Looks impossible to wash.

Your mashed potatoes and chicken nuggets look delicious, but I must ask where is the corn and cheese? And how did you get the gravy to gel like that?

You forgot to accidentally include the follow-up prompts at the end.

Would you like me to prepare this as a one page executive summary?

Seven letter typewriter with remote light switch. Way ahead of its time in some ways. Far behind in others.

“If needed”? Why? Did the US military leave the stove on at home?

Keep fighting the good fight. Many years married to a germ conscious nurse, and I think I have a pretty good routine now but still feel like borderline OCD and go through a gallon of hand soap a month.

Is an EMP sniper a thing?

Is the serial number on a sticker? If so, say hello to hair dryer and my fingernail.

I understand the sentiment, but that’s not how it works either. People aren’t that simple.

More toothy than horny.

Get your wife a bra that fits!

We can…and we can’t.

A nickel says they’re actually chocolate flavored wax.

But Ye doesn’t know…

Chips and salsa.