Such a threatening energy, I love it

When I was about 4, I was jumping on the sofa, back and forth from one arm to the other (because the middle was lava, obviously)

Misjudged it and ended up going headfirst off the end into a china cabinet next to it, glass doors and all - I ended up missing the first month of school, 32 stitches and basically half a Glasgow smile to show for it, I’m told it looks very cool

NGL I kinda forgot about rugby, fair point

Europeans: call a game where you kick ball with foot “football”

Americans: call a game where you throw ball with hands “football”

One of these makes more sense to me… :p

H O N K

“Okay honey get inside the cuck fridge”

When I started this company, I had only two things - a dream, and six million pounds

T̸͎͇̠̳͉͎̀̈́̀̽h̶̗̃̔́̈́̋i̴̳̖͖̗̬͙̣͇̊̀̎͂̈́̾̑̃͜͝ͅs̶̛͎͛̅̆̽́͊̎̈́̚ ̸̧̼͕̣͚̩͑̆o̵̞̥̺̳̼̅̓̈͆̕ṇ̵͚̳̓̇̆̆̊̄̚̚ȅ̴̳̰͖̜̝̪͔͈̑̀̀̅̒̄̔̚

In the UK you can’t even buy that many at once 😆 without a prescription at least - paracetamol and ibuprofen are usually 16 per pack and they don’t let you buy more than one of each

Most of the major newspapers (this is from a UK perspective but I’d imagine they’re accessible in other places) have a live news page for big developing news stories - the BBC site is probably a good unbiased-ish one

They had to hire a vampire for this one

I’m a big fan of -ussy as a suffix, especially when it’s wildly unsuitable for the purpose

It’s utterly ruined ales describing themselves as “citrussy”

In that picture? It’s a bee, contemplating leaping from the edge and ending it all after reading that article

Hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

The Dollop

Particularly the 1908 New York Paris Car Race episode

“Jean-Luc, what have you done?”

Scunthorpe

Just never go to Scunthorpe

Though I just realised I’m a walking stereotype

No contest, just look at these guys