This is the kind of magazine page that 90s-kid-me would stare at for hours fantasizing over. Even looking at it now, it’s surprisingly easy for me to ignore the objective technical limitations and get hyped.

Side note: can we talk about that 1ST PC GUN on the mid-left there? Dude…

This isn’t even my final formal.

I never tasted a more delicious pizza than the personal pan pepperoni I earned from absolutely crushing the Book-It program. That big holographic button, covered in achievement stars. The pizza. Pure bliss.

Why they changed it, I can’t say…

GOOD.

Xenomuppet

Zuckerlimburger.

Of course they can’t find them.

They all shipped out on the (ever-important) Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B.

squints hard

Sean Mall?

Which Sean got his own mall? Or is it a mall specifically for Seans? As a non-Sean (cool rhyme, right?) am I forbidden from Sean Mall? Are Shawns allowed in?

My poor vision creates nothing but inquiries.

Wheat Thiccs…

Southern Discomfort…

Hamburger Hinderer…

deleted by creator

Agrajag shall be avenged!

“There was a hole here. It’s gone now.”

starts rhythmic clapping

HO-DEE-HOTEN-DOTEN-DAY, HO-DEE-HOTEN-DAY-O! HO-DEE-HOTEN-DOTEN-DAY…

FATTENING UP OUR TAAAAPE WOOOOORMS!