Become a trapdoor spider, and leave a basket of Bed Bath and Beyond gift cards outside your door as bait?
Step two say ??? No idea what really. Maybe cross your fingers you have a shared interest and the whole kidnapping thing isn’t a big deal.
Step three be in a relationship, and probably learn to leave room more often.
Wait, are you trying to tell me the moon landing was real? It was clearly filmed in Siberia why else would the ground look so white, it’s the Siberian snow obviously.