Calling it a thirst trap is too innocent. These dating app companies are scum-sucking vampires designed to make most people feel lonely and desperate enough to give them money in perpetuity. People just handed one of the most important and intimate aspects of their lives over to US tech bros, pressured everyone else to do the same, and two whole generations are not just having less sex than their parents, but half of them have never had a long-term relationship as they’re approaching 30.

I needed a new saucepan.

I’ve now replaced half my kitchen.

Siiiigh, would it help if I said penis? The last time this happened, it happened to be a woman.

And it’s pretty obvious when someone starts shit with people on the Internet for no reason, then posts their uglies all over the net, that they’ve got a pretty juvenile issue with attention-seeking behaviour in general.

More than once I had someone being an arse to me on reddit, I took a gander at their profile to see what kind of fucko I was dealing with… and it was full of their nudes.

One time it was someone who lived in the same town as me.

Yeah… your insults and comebacks don’t hit quite as hard now that I know you’re desperate for people to see your vagina.