I think intelligence/personality are about even for me. I think I would not have rejected my wife if she were average intelligence, but the fact that she has a science background, and the quick way she thinks are part of the package that I fell for. So I will say very important, but not the most important.

Straight from the abusers handbook: DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

Twinings.

Every little while ( more frequently these days) i hear the voice of Anita Hill in my head.

You are wrong. Olives are great.