I don’t understand how wanting to use feminine pronouns for someone femme-presenting and “wanting to be a woman” is “forcing an agenda”? Is respect an agenda now?

Also, it seems like it would give her dysphoria to use he/him pronouns on someone who wants to be the opposite gender (although I realize pronouns =/= gender)

  • Mossy Feathers (She/They)@pawb.social
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    5 days ago

    It’s forcing an agenda or an “ideological war” in the same way the civil war was about states rights.

    Yeah, it was about states rights: the right for non-slave states to choose not to return escaped slaves. That’s a huge reason why the south got so pissy at the north, the north decided they didn’t want to return slaves to the south; slavery wasn’t legal in the north and so being an escaped slave in the north effectively meant you were a Freedman. The south didn’t like that because they saw slaves as property that was basically “stealing itself”.

    Something similar is going on with trans rights, only it’s even more complex than the factors leading to the civil war. It’s about the right to do what you want with your own body. The right to be seen how you want to be seen, and treated how you want to be treated (yanno, within reason; I’m not gonna bow down to someone who claims to be a princess and kiss her feet, but I will call her a princess if she asks). These are, in my opinion, basic human rights and as such, attempting to state anything else is “The Agenda”. Unsurprisingly, history repeats itself and the bigots are now attempting to force their agenda and ideology on others while claiming the other side is the one doing it (this, btw, is called projection).

    Note: there are a ton of different cultural factors that make bigots believe that they are right and everyone else is wrong. Tbh, I don’t really want to get into that because I’d be writing pages instead of paragraphs. However, a lot of it in the US specifically has to do with religion and adherence to tradition; and how as life gets harder, people adhere more and more strongly to tradition. Well, life’s getting hard for the average American. They’re feeling increasingly squeezed for time and money, so out goes rationality and empathy, and in comes tradition and religion.

    It’s hard to accept change when you feel that change brings more bad than good.


    Btw, if you and your sister are both AFAB then, for the love of god, support her. As a trans woman who didn’t start transitioning until she was 30, it would have meant a lot to me and radically changed my life if I’d had friends I was comfortable truly being myself around; and it means a hell of a lot more if the support is coming from your peers (in this case, female classmates, especially cisfem classmates).

    It’s scary as fuck being trans, and I won’t lie, cis women are intimidating. I don’t really give a shit about how cis men see me. In my head, cis-women are the ultimate judge of who gets to be called “a woman” and it makes me feel like a little part of my soul dies every time I’m rejected. Like, I’m sorry I wasn’t born pretty. I’m sorry I was born with a penis, and I have wide shoulders and narrow hips and my tits are still tiny because I just started hrt. I can’t help it and there’s only so much I can physically change. Anything else is too expensive.

    I just want to be myself and be accepted for it.

    Treat her as her preferred gender. Make her forget she was AMAB and the bigotry of the world around her. Invite her to girls nights, let her try on clothes and do a cute little spin when she puts on a skirt. Help her do make up and braid her hair (if it’s long enough). Play games together, watch movies together, treat her as one of you. Be her friend’s “cool big sister”.

    And when life kicks her in the balls for being “a man”, make sure you and your sister give her a shoulder to cry on. Remind her that, when it comes to human anatomy, a penis is almost literally just a huge clit. No, seriously. Fetuses start out with female genitalia regardless of chromosomes, and then the female genitals turn into male genitals before birth (if you have XY chromosomes, usually). So she doesn’t have a penis, just has a very well endowed clitoris.

    Do that and you might also find other trans gals (and possibly trans guys and non-binary pals) congregating around you. Your sister’s friend may feel like they can be more open about being trans, but not everyone does. For every trans person who lives out of the closet, there are probably 5 more who are too scared to be their best selves out of fear of rejection. Publically showing acceptance will help others feel accepted themselves (and in turn, help them to accept themselves, because that’s a really hard thing to do). Public acceptance also helps normalize being trans as being “Just A Thing Some Humans Do”, which helps fight against bigotry itself.

    Join the revolution, fight against bigotry, hug a tr*nny.

    Edit: also, if she’s old enough, make sure knows she still needs to use condoms if she wants to top (or her partner if she’s a bottom and likes penises). Just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she can’t get other gals pregnant, and STDs are still very much a thing. You gotta be on hrt for the sperm to stop swimming and even then it takes a little while for that to happen. I personally wouldn’t take the risk (and that’s ignoring the possibility of STDs).

    Edit 2: oh! I almost forgot, this is one of my favorite resources to send people who are questioning or want to understand more about what we go through. Give it a read and consider sending it to your sister and her friend as well. There will be kids who use it against your sister’s friend and other trans kids at her school, so keep an eye out for people getting bullied; buuuuut it’ll tell you about the different ways dysphoria can manifest, why gender affirming care is important, and the kinds of changes hrt can bring for those questioning.