What a weird rule. You are intentionally destroying your kid’s social, developmental, and interpersonal opportunities because you’re unwilling to actually put in the time to parent.
The least you could do is give them a dumb phone, so they are ostracized less. Or better yet, actually teach and parent them how to use a phone, and then give them a phone with locked down permissions to block tiktok/etc that are actually problematic, while still allowing them access to things that allow them to relate to friends and their community. Trust but verify.
They are parenting. This is what parenting looks like. You don’t just give them everything they want. Sure, you can also choose to give them a phone, and you can choose to lock it down. You can also choose to give them nothing. Parenting is about making those decisions for your child. It isn’t about listening to random people tell you stupid things online who act like they’re more knowledgeable about your situation.
Parenting is about making the best choices you can for your children, not simply making choices for your children. And I never said to give them everything they want. To take the example to the extreme, you could certainly give your kids ‘nothing’ in regards to food, but that’s not parenting, that’s child abuse via starvation. Obviously giving your kid access to a phone is not ANYWHERE near equivalent to access to food, but it illustrates the point- parenting is not simply deciding things for your kids, including what they get. You need to do your best to support them into becoming the best them, and that includes giving them social opportunities. In a perfect world, yes, absolutely, phones would be something you give to a kid maybe in highschool, or even when they leave the house, but only when you decide they deserve the privilege, but this isn’t that world. Phones aren’t just privileged toys- they’re the expected (and in some cases only) methods of communication and connection for people. We can sit here and argue whether or not that’s a good thing or not- I personally think it isn’t, and as someone that’s forced to be on-call 24/7/365 I think I have a pretty good grasp on the matter- but it’s where we’re currently at, and unfortunately we have to work in that structure even if and as we’re potentially trying to change it. Give your kids the opportunities, even while explaining the problems and why they need changed, you know?
The fact is, the dude says in another comment that s/he is intentionally trying to socially isolate their kids to ‘protect them’ which is textbook helicopter/overcontrolling parent and deeply fucks kids up for life. S/He literally outright says they want their kids to cleanly break from ‘friendship drama’ and the literal outside world. That’s… words cannot describe how concerning that sounds.
What an odd, incorrect assumption. Kids need to be able to socialize. This isn’t the 1980s anymore, you can’t just go to a mall, there are very few physical third spaces anymore, literally none in some locations.
For a lot of kids, those third spaces are via phone/online. I can absolutely understand wanting to limit exposure to bad influences of phones, that IS good parenting, but you need to offer alternatives, or managed use, or something, or you’re socially isolating your kid. Worst case scenario, you’re getting them bullied- kids can be cruel (though from what I’ve seen, not as much as they used to be, thankfully).
The person literally said in another comment:
Yes, it’s part of set them up to succeed not fail. And another part of it is I want them to have a clean break from the outside world, from friendship drama or clinginess, from school stuff, etc.
Now, I’m assuming this is partially a situation of english not being the first language, from some of the grammar, but wanting to have their kids be ‘cleanly’ broken away from friendships, school stuff, and the very outside world sounds… look, I’m going to be frank here, their literal goal seems to be socially stunting their kid via helicoptering.
Kids need to learn who they are. You’re not trying to raise someone to be a child, you’re trying to raise someone to be a healthy, functioning adult, and part of that means going through friendships, even friendship drama, exploring the outside world, etc etc.
One of the malls near me recently made it against the rules to be there if you’re under 18 without supervision of someone over 21, with the wristband enforcement and everything. It’s literally impossible to socialize outside anymore because everyone hated teenagers and wanted to get them off their lawn. And now they’re all inside because that’s the only place left for them and now they still aren’t happy. We need better places online and offline for kids and teens to socialize because this is getting ridiculous
I can’t remember enjoying going to the mall either and I guess I assumed that was because I wasn’t into clothes because gender dysphoria but I suppose there were actually reasons people liked to go to the mall. My experience growing up in Suburbia was that it was completely socially dead
Basically adults hated teenagers and kids so they banned them from everywhere and then they still want happy and now they’re angry at kids staying inside all day because they destroyed outside. Destroy the possibility of having a normal social life and then go after the consolation prize too just despite them. You know the same assholes that want to take away kids phones aren’t going to consent to any kind of urban planning changes to make it easier for them to have offline friends
A good point, but I’ll note that most socialization for kids these days doesn’t necessarily happen at a singular friend’s house- it’s typically in a private chat/channel/group/etc online.
I am, admittedly, basing some of this off other posts the guy has made in this… err, thread? Post? Not sure what the lemmy vocab is here, but I can quote it:
And another part of it is I want them to have a clean break from the outside world, from friendship drama or clinginess, from school stuff, etc.
I dunno about you man, but kids probably don’t need protected from friendships, even if they might have the occasional drama… and ‘the outside world’ comment just concerns me.
I admit, the wording here is a bit… Weird. But my guess is, the OP just doesn’t want their kids subjected to drama 24/7. Evolution really had nothing in store to deal with the sheer amount of information that Smartphones provide. It’s unnatural and very unhealthy for the mind. Drama face to face? Sure! That’s part of life. Internet drama? Fuck that noise. Humans need rest from certain areas of life, which they don’t get with the 24/7 online aspect of phones.
I do agree with the dumbphone bit. A dumphone makes a lot of sense, e.g. in the case of an emergency. Plus, they can call their friends, which has way more social merit than texting does.
You are really telling everyone how little you know about parenting. This is what parenting looks like. You parent the kids you have with the skills and tools available. It doesn’t look the same for everyone.
What a weird rule. You are intentionally destroying your kid’s social, developmental, and interpersonal opportunities because you’re unwilling to actually put in the time to parent.
The least you could do is give them a dumb phone, so they are ostracized less. Or better yet, actually teach and parent them how to use a phone, and then give them a phone with locked down permissions to block tiktok/etc that are actually problematic, while still allowing them access to things that allow them to relate to friends and their community. Trust but verify.
They are parenting. This is what parenting looks like. You don’t just give them everything they want. Sure, you can also choose to give them a phone, and you can choose to lock it down. You can also choose to give them nothing. Parenting is about making those decisions for your child. It isn’t about listening to random people tell you stupid things online who act like they’re more knowledgeable about your situation.
Parenting is about making the best choices you can for your children, not simply making choices for your children. And I never said to give them everything they want. To take the example to the extreme, you could certainly give your kids ‘nothing’ in regards to food, but that’s not parenting, that’s child abuse via starvation. Obviously giving your kid access to a phone is not ANYWHERE near equivalent to access to food, but it illustrates the point- parenting is not simply deciding things for your kids, including what they get. You need to do your best to support them into becoming the best them, and that includes giving them social opportunities. In a perfect world, yes, absolutely, phones would be something you give to a kid maybe in highschool, or even when they leave the house, but only when you decide they deserve the privilege, but this isn’t that world. Phones aren’t just privileged toys- they’re the expected (and in some cases only) methods of communication and connection for people. We can sit here and argue whether or not that’s a good thing or not- I personally think it isn’t, and as someone that’s forced to be on-call 24/7/365 I think I have a pretty good grasp on the matter- but it’s where we’re currently at, and unfortunately we have to work in that structure even if and as we’re potentially trying to change it. Give your kids the opportunities, even while explaining the problems and why they need changed, you know?
The fact is, the dude says in another comment that s/he is intentionally trying to socially isolate their kids to ‘protect them’ which is textbook helicopter/overcontrolling parent and deeply fucks kids up for life. S/He literally outright says they want their kids to cleanly break from ‘friendship drama’ and the literal outside world. That’s… words cannot describe how concerning that sounds.
Well you clearly don’t have kids, and if you do, you sound like the shitty parent lol
What an odd, incorrect assumption. Kids need to be able to socialize. This isn’t the 1980s anymore, you can’t just go to a mall, there are very few physical third spaces anymore, literally none in some locations.
For a lot of kids, those third spaces are via phone/online. I can absolutely understand wanting to limit exposure to bad influences of phones, that IS good parenting, but you need to offer alternatives, or managed use, or something, or you’re socially isolating your kid. Worst case scenario, you’re getting them bullied- kids can be cruel (though from what I’ve seen, not as much as they used to be, thankfully).
The person literally said in another comment:
Now, I’m assuming this is partially a situation of english not being the first language, from some of the grammar, but wanting to have their kids be ‘cleanly’ broken away from friendships, school stuff, and the very outside world sounds… look, I’m going to be frank here, their literal goal seems to be socially stunting their kid via helicoptering.
Kids need to learn who they are. You’re not trying to raise someone to be a child, you’re trying to raise someone to be a healthy, functioning adult, and part of that means going through friendships, even friendship drama, exploring the outside world, etc etc.
One of the malls near me recently made it against the rules to be there if you’re under 18 without supervision of someone over 21, with the wristband enforcement and everything. It’s literally impossible to socialize outside anymore because everyone hated teenagers and wanted to get them off their lawn. And now they’re all inside because that’s the only place left for them and now they still aren’t happy. We need better places online and offline for kids and teens to socialize because this is getting ridiculous
Yeah, they’ve done that at the malls near me as well. Surprise surprise, 3 of them have closed down and the fourth is a ghost town.
Basically every store in the place is some kind of crystals-and-juju or retirement-scam place, along with somehow a ton of phone case booths?
When I was a kid (might be dating myself here) there was music shops, arcades, bookstores, food, all kinds of shit.
I can’t remember enjoying going to the mall either and I guess I assumed that was because I wasn’t into clothes because gender dysphoria but I suppose there were actually reasons people liked to go to the mall. My experience growing up in Suburbia was that it was completely socially dead
Basically adults hated teenagers and kids so they banned them from everywhere and then they still want happy and now they’re angry at kids staying inside all day because they destroyed outside. Destroy the possibility of having a normal social life and then go after the consolation prize too just despite them. You know the same assholes that want to take away kids phones aren’t going to consent to any kind of urban planning changes to make it easier for them to have offline friends
You
A good point, but I’ll note that most socialization for kids these days doesn’t necessarily happen at a singular friend’s house- it’s typically in a private chat/channel/group/etc online.
Under 12?
For better or worse, yes. (Probably worse, but this is the world we have to deal with…)
I feel bad for your children then
For getting to experience life instead of being locked in a house, only able to interact with family?
Lots of assholes want this because they don’t want their kid being exposed to outside influence because they are crazy Christians
I think you’re interpreting way too much into that person’s post. And wrongly too.
I am, admittedly, basing some of this off other posts the guy has made in this… err, thread? Post? Not sure what the lemmy vocab is here, but I can quote it:
I dunno about you man, but kids probably don’t need protected from friendships, even if they might have the occasional drama… and ‘the outside world’ comment just concerns me.
I admit, the wording here is a bit… Weird. But my guess is, the OP just doesn’t want their kids subjected to drama 24/7. Evolution really had nothing in store to deal with the sheer amount of information that Smartphones provide. It’s unnatural and very unhealthy for the mind. Drama face to face? Sure! That’s part of life. Internet drama? Fuck that noise. Humans need rest from certain areas of life, which they don’t get with the 24/7 online aspect of phones.
I do agree with the dumbphone bit. A dumphone makes a lot of sense, e.g. in the case of an emergency. Plus, they can call their friends, which has way more social merit than texting does.
You are really telling everyone how little you know about parenting. This is what parenting looks like. You parent the kids you have with the skills and tools available. It doesn’t look the same for everyone.
You should probably sit back down.