Every single person I know well has a double standard for something. Such as “I don’t need to improve my driving but everyone else sure does” or a “do as I say not as I do” rule, etc. Though certainly some more than other. This leads me to believe all people do it in some way.
Is it simply human nature?
I meet a lot of people who want an honest relationship, but also date around a lot while looking and will go on dates with several other people while still trying things with someone else and that never made sense to me. If you’re looking for an honest, monogamous relationship it makes more sense to me to try dating 1 person at a time. If they are worth a 2nd date id say they are worth giving a fair shot and not seeing 3 other people on first dates before that 2nd date ever happens.
In my experience I’m the weird one for this view and most people tend to date and sleep around until a commited relationship starts out of that mess and one party puts their foot down on the other seeing other people for dates.
dating isn’t being being in a relationship. you date until you find someone you want to be in a relationship with.
they are two separate states.
yes, its true that some people basically expect some magical force to compel them into monogamy… but it has to be a deliberate choice and folks often use this as an excuse to basically never ‘settle’. but that’s a separate issue.
plus lots of people you meet may be fun to date and sleep with, but you’d never want to commit to or become emotionally involved because they are trainwrecks. further, having dated a lot, A LOT of people personality flip when they are in a committed relationship, basically they are on good behavior until you commit to them, then they feel like they can start acting like a total asshole. I’ve encountered that dozens of times. and of course if you break up with them while they do this… they lose their shit at you and feel ‘used’. etc.
Some folks don’t know they do this, others do and straight up own up to it, but they see nothing wrong with it because they see relationships as ends justifies the means.
See thats what i don’t get. I don’t want to date or sleep around without an emotional attachment and a certain level of trust. Like if my genitials are going inside someone i gotta be able to trust them. I have very little sexual desire to someone I’m not romantically/emotionally attracted to. We have to be able to have conversations about safe sex and what to do if an “accident” happens.
I also don’t get how you can manage seeing multiple people on multiple dates. When i get a crush thats the only person i want to think about. Even if I had a date with another girl thats my type, the first girl being on my mind would rob my attention from the other date and i feel like its not always a fair mindset for me. As i said I know I’m the weird one here but its just never made sense to me.
If i like someone enough for a 2nd date I have no interest in seeing others. At that point i wouldn’t consider it a relationship but both parties giving each other a fair shot by not going on other dates seems like a reasonable level of commitment for someone you’re fond of. I just think the mindset of “maybe I’ll like the next one more than this one” isn’t helpful and could be a red flag, what if that kind of behavior never stops and they are constantly on dating apps waiting for something better to come along?
Other people aren’t you. They don’t think or feel like you do, and they don’t value the things you value. It’s that simple. You think sex is about trust, other folks don’t. I’ve met a ladies who get offended if you don’t try to fuck them within an hour or two of meeting them. And ones who claim they only want casual, but then they basically want to be your girlfriend, etc.
People lie a lot. Especially to themselves. For a lot of folks, dating is not about love and trust and all that. It’s much more shallow and it’s just about immediate gratification and pleasure. And they don’t care. You can’t reason them out of something that is purely emotional, all they care abut is how they feel in the moment. Hence why cheating to them is totally justified, for example.
My problem is i keep going on dates that turn into relationships without the title, i pay for dates, fix their car, help around their house and they act all cute and loving until you want to make it monogamous and suddenly its “oh i don’t really like you like that” or “really i can’t be in a relationship right now” etc. So I’ve changed my strategy to try to find people with the goal of eventually being in a relationship from the start.
I have a better solution for you, just tell these people ‘no’ when they start making their requests for help or paying for stuff. If they like you, they will respect that, if they don’t and flip out, they don’t like you. That is what I do no, and it basically means things end now after a month or two, and I"m not wasting months/years of my life anyone with someone who basically only wants to date me to treat me like shit.
Lots of people are more than happy to date someone they don’t like to get stuff from them. The folks you dated never liked you, they just saw you as a resource to use until someone they do like comes along. Hence why when you tried you date them for real, they bailed.
Just be grateful they bailed and didn’t keep seeing you and cheating on you while doing so. They at least respected you enough to not fuck you over like that!
also don’t go on expensive dates or pay for dates until you have an established mutual interest. i never go out for more than a coffee or drink, and they won’t get dinner or a proper date until we have gotten physical and established legit interest. and if she refuses this, and basically demands you buy her something nice for a date, you already know who she is and what she is looking for and that you are wasting your time.
Helping people is in my nature. My current crush i took her on a date, she was flirty over text, happily let me pay, mentioned she was impressed i offered to pick her up. After the date i was working up the courage to find a kiss so i decided to ask if she was seeing someone. She said “idk maybe” and proceeded to describe some fling she was in.
I decided not to get physical, fixed a lawnmower she was complaining about and now im trying for a second date to see if shes gonna be single now or what. Shes still texting me after the lawnmower ran so im happy i didn’t get ghosted but thats the end of the free trial. If she doesn’t wanna date, no more stuff is getting fixed for free. If the women don’t find you handsome, they sure should find you handy, I’m hoping for one that finds me both.
Ngl I’m a bit old school and usually i like to go on 3 dates before getting intimate. Partially because i want a relationship not just sex so thats part of my process. If we can’t enjoy a dinner without banging after, then we probably don’t actually like each other that much.
dude, you are setting yourself up to be abused by a miserable and manipulative women.
stop helping people who won’t ever help you back.