was gonna snark “me before coffee” but tbh this is also me after coffee too

cool rock tax pls

yes that was definitely intentional and absolutely not just an anti-joke i used when i ran out of ideas. excellent catch 😎👉👉

how to assassinate a…

chemist: just keep challenging them to make more and more unstable and/or toxic compounds. if they’ve made it past FOOF gas, up the ante by saying “ok now do a 1-pot synth”

microbiologist: accidentally a little pathogenic virulence factors into their E. coli supply and poke some holes in the laminar hood HEPA. (don’t do this if you share a bathroom with them)

particle physicist: take a couple screws out of one of the hundreds of ladders around the facility

theoretical physicist: remove a manhole cover in one of their usual walking paths, Looney Tunes style

biochemist: sabotage all their grant proposals and they’ll take care of their own assassination

computer scientist: fucking don’t they’re an endangered species now

entomologist: literally indestructible don’t even bother trying. these motherfuckers raise botfly larvae in their own limbs for shits and giggles. i fear no man. but entomologists… they scare me

mathematician: use a gun

rocks or gtfo!

“…so usually ≥2 of those conditions are met?”

angry lab safety manager

my (uneducated) guess is some combination of catering to degraded attention spans, intentional manipulation of that degraded attention by malicious actors, and somehow it’s more profitable for the media companies to do news like this

fluorine does not enjoy being pinned on things and if you make it angry enough it’ll catch on fire

a heterocycle, being an energy dense hydrocarbon, is an unfun thing to have near angry fluoride

“pin the fluorine on the heterocycle” ooh my favorite party game

me and the other monsterfuckers:

i like superheated steam treated (Silk, Westsoy, Trader Joe’s) and freshly made Asian style

but if it’s not treated nor fresh, lipoxygenase wreaks havoc on the oils and makes it godawful yeah

half of the things i want to say (if I’m lucky) because my brain produces an endless torrent of meaningless overshare-y bullshit that I just have to desperately try to keep out of my painstakingly curated conveyor belt of approved remarks that will hopefully not get me in trouble and/or bore people to death

lol people really think they’ll be able to make money off of lemmy posts. lmao

ayyyy that’s my favorite rock. it’s a good’n

movie theaters are fucking bullshit

• can’t pause movie and go pee
• can’t pause movie and discuss something with the person you’re watching with
• can’t rewind when you inevitably zone out so then you just have to not know what the hell happened the past few minutes
• can’t laugh or make jokes too loud or you’re an asshole
• can’t eat or drink anything you actually want to, let alone for a not ridiculous price
• no subtitles
• the first third of the seats cause neck pain if you sit there
• seats usually gross

i am SO thankful i live in an era where i can easily watch movies at home

what’s going on here?